Written by: Akiva Goldsman
Directed by: Joel Schumacher
Starring: George Clooney, Chris O’Donnell, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone
My Advice: Wait for MST3K
What a marvelous study in what not to do. I won’t even begin to waste your time synopsizing this thing. I only hope textbooks someday use this piece of shite as a nice negative example of filmmaking. Don’t get me wrong, there are some kudos to hand out. Clooney would make a fine Bruce Wayne/Batman–if he was in another film that actually had decent dialogue. O’Donnell would make a fine Robin, even with the dialogue–if he were ten years younger. Schwarzenegger would make a great Mr. Freeze (the moments he spends pining over his wife are the best in the entire film)–if he didn’t spew out really crappy one-liners everytime he opened his blue glowing mouth. Uma Thurman did exactly what Schumacher asked for–act like an idiot, so she gets the points even though her hairstyle was a cross between the Mother character in Pink Floyd The Wall and Angela Lansbury in Sweeney Todd. Alicia Silverstone doesn’t fool me for one minute–she’s twelve. Michael Gough comes out of this smelling like roses, since he’s been the only consistently good thing in all four films, despite being turned into Alfred Headroom at one point. He also gets bonus points for his character becoming terminally ill in a desperate attempt not to be in the fifth film. John Glover is mildly amusing as Jason Woodrue, although he’d be in much better shape in another movie altogether. I’ll give a dollar to anyone who can convince me that Vivica Fox and Elle Macpherson served any purpose in this film whatsoever. And am I the only one who noticed that Uzi Gal (creator of the gun) was a cop in this? Qwa?