Adverse Video Review: Evil Alien Conquerors

Evil Alien Conquerors

Holy raging Bellcrons!

Do you like the feeling of your teeth hurting and your jaw locking-up in disbelief? Then this is not only a Bad B-Movie must-buy, but also a must-watch, and must-hide away until your friends come over. Then, by Rabirr’s flabby buttocks, you will inflict it on them!

In a world where hairy feet and unibrows have their own tunes of enthusiasm, the supply of make-up is limited, and “nudies” are a major no-no, the universe of the Kabijjian Evil Alien Conqueror is a place all bad B-Movie goers must go.

Evil Alien Conquerors is so terrible it’s great, not badass as in James Bond or awesome as in Ace Hunter mind you, but simply great. It is so bad that IMDB.com and Amazon.com don’t even have the movie poster icon for it on their sites.

Starring Diedrich Bader and Chris Parnell, the film follows two…wait for it…Evil Alien Conquerors from the planet Kabijj on their quest to decapitate all humans–all of them–in just two days. Stuck in Palmdale, California, they are aided by Kenny (Michael Weston) on their misadventures which includes the usual things aliens do when they invade: mowing lawns, getting blown up, battling a cow, and making infomercials.

The only redeeming features of Chris Matheson and Ryan Rowe’s story are the stylish product placement techniques, priceless and overquoted lines, the evil (and enormous) Croker (Tyler Labine, ya’know Briggs from Flyboys) and seeing Tori Spelling with a unibrow which actually made her look somewhat attractive in an alien witch from Voltron kind of way.

With lines like, “Do you know the cow? He is an insolent bastard” and “You shall die painfully,” how could this movie not rock? Evil Alien Conquerors is so great that you’ll want to put Elden Henson, yes the kid from Mighty Ducks and The Mighty, on your “evil-guys-I-would like-to-help-me-take-over-the-world” list or possibly wear a Kabjjian uniform at the local geek-con of your choosing..

Who could resist buying this movie? “Only an Asshole!” So get your copy from Amazon and for the love of god someone find me the soundtrack!

Average Film Rating: 4 out of 10

Bad B-Movie Rating: 7 out of 10

Diedrich Bader and Chris Parnell from Evil Alien Conquerors

Bob-o-Meter Rating: My Eyes!!!… Why!?… Meh… Good… GreatYes!… Badass… Awesome… Holy Shit, Man!

By | 2017-09-24T23:37:06+00:00 December 21st, 2006|DVD, Reviews|2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. Ozzie July 19, 2011 at 12:41 am

    I’m watching this movie on Netflix right now and scouring the internet for positive reviews because I was perfectly convinced that I was the only person who could have ever possibly found this movie amusing. It is so much up my alley completely, and yet I can’t imagine anyone in the world reasonably enjoying even ten minutes of it.

  2. BobTheZombie July 19, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    Ozzie- You would be surprised how many people love this movie. I show it to friends all the time just so we can comment and quote to eachother back and forth. You are not alone my friend. Many of us know the cow and think he is an insolent bastard.

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