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I'll state this up front: I am freaking addicted to listening to Coast to Coast AM radio. It is the ultimate freakshow, what with people calling up and proclaiming their experiences with...well, you name it. I love the show. In fact, I have a theory that Art Bell and George Noory and everybody there really don't believe any of the whackiness and are just playing along. I think this because every so often you'll hear both of them slip and give a reasonable response to somebody seeing a saucer move across the moon or what have you, rather than a completely stunned "I don't know what it is but it means something!"

Anyway, I love the show. I state that because this absolutely takes the piss out of the show. And it's hilarious. But then again, the whole call could have been a plant and George was in on it. Wouldn't be surprised.

So. In the spirit of that call, here's some other callers we'd love to hear...

1. "Hi, this is Steve--first time caller. I'm calling from Oklahoma. I've been listening to the show for a little while now and I know that a lot of people get abducted, but I've seen an entire building get abducted. I know it sounds insane, but I watched a bar on an Indian reservation get pulled into a giant sphere-like craft. This was in June of 2006. The bar and the people inside it...were just flat gone. The government told everyone some lame story about how it was gone due to something natural, an earthquake or tornado, I guess. But I saw it happen and it wasn't anything natural like we know natural to be..."

2. "Am I on the air? George, this is Harry. Long time listener. I know that you've had some guests on talking about alternate universes, and I heard recently Whitley [Streiber] talking about alternate universes...I've been to at least one myself. And it wasn't anything like I simply wasn't married to my wife...my wife passed away several years ago...this alternate reality was...horrific. Grey, headless children...killer teddy bears...it sounds crazy I know, but it was almost as though more I had walked into some child's nightmare...but everything kept shifting back and forth from the nightmare back to the real world..."

3. "Yes, my name is Chell. I've been working in a special facility on a type of gun that opens holes in space. We've almost gotten the device down to a manageable and portable size, but there's something else that's going on in the facility. I know there've been lots of shows talking about AI...what to do about AI...well, we've got a working AI in the facility but what's worrisome is that...well, we've caught 'her' in a few lies..."

4. "I'm not going to give my location, if that's okay with you. You guys talk a lot about biowarfare and big pharma how corrupt corporations are out of control, running the world behind the scenes. But you don't know the half of it. Because this story concerns one of the biggest. My name is Brad...I work in...'transportation,' let's say. Back in 1998 I was...aware...let's leave it at 'aware'...of an incident that took place at a location I won't name in the midwest. There was an outbreak of sorts that never made it into any of the papers...of course the whole thing was hushed up, but I was there...and it was just two people who stopped it from getting out of control..."

5. "George, my name is Frank. You may not be aware of this--most people aren't--but in August of 2006 a town in Colorado was completely cordoned off by the National Guard. I went in to investigate because that's, well, that's just my line of work. You worry--I know you do, Art does, Ian does--about science going too far. This was about as far as you could go: they found this new sort of insect, you see. And with just a single sting, it reduced you to...to stay away from words with loaded meanings, let's just say you became infected. And once infected, you became very, very dangerous. I got into the town by landing on top of the mall, and when I went inside..."