Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Warped Three-Year-Olds

Indiana Jones Adventure Heroes: Belloq, Ark and Ghost

Ken found these at Target. And on first glance, they seem cute. Cute little Indy toys for three-year-olds and up. But really…when you think about it: they’re kinda twisted.

Pictured is the packaging for Belloq, who comes with the Ark and a Ghost. Look at it: the Ghost looks even friendlier than the ones in the Haunted Mansion, for crying out loud. And you can pose him as though he were streaming out of the Ark…you know, to melt everyone’s faces?

More figures after the break.

Okay, so here’s the range of figures they have available.

Indiana Jones Adventure Heroes

  • First there’s Indy…and the big Nazi that winds up getting Cuisinarted in the plane’s propeller.
  • Second, the aforementioned Priestly Belloq and the happy God’s Wrath Ghost
  • Third, Sallah…with the walking mummy. Wait, what? Walking mummy? Yes, I suppose this is supposed to be one of the corpses that scared the crap out of Marion, but still, they’ve turned it into Arnold Vosloo. As Ken complained: couldn’t they pair Sallah with something that actually existed in the film?
  • Fourth, Indy–with gun–and the swordsman he uses it on.
  • Fifth, Indy and one of the grinning natives who cheerfully try and do him in. They weren’t very smiley, from what I remember.
  • And last, finally, two characters who aren’t trying to kill each other in the film–not for real anyway–Indy with the staff and Marion with the monkey. Although the monkey technically was an evil traitor. So.

I mean, for crying out loud, even the snakes look friendly.

Imagine the joy when the three-year-old, who’s free to have made one of the characters who bites it or is Downright Evil his or her favorite, finally sees the film later in life and watches Belloq get his face wrecked by God. Got to love it. And if you want to contribute to the need for therapy in a few years time, you can buy yours here.

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By | 2017-09-24T23:19:38+00:00 May 6th, 2008|Stimuli|1 Comment

One Comment

  1. Paula May 15, 2008 at 3:47 pm

    I haven’t bought toys for a 3 year old in years . I just buy toys for myself.I’d never give a 3 year old these ,but I know times have changed,Miht seem a little off track (or a lot) , but if you bought the entire set and put them away ,sealed etc..you might make a mint someday selling them on Ebay.

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