Meth Coffee? Not in Illinois, You Don’t

//Meth Coffee? Not in Illinois, You Don’t

Meth Coffee? Not in Illinois, You Don’t

Meth Coffee

Lisa Madigan, attorney general of Illinois, is apparently under the impression that coffee is a gateway drug. Or at least coffee that humorously depicts itself as a serious drug (which of course contains a drug: caffeine) is a gateway drug. Or…something. But apparently she’s said that Meth Coffee is not welcome in Illinois and thus, Meth Coffee has complied by no longer accepting orders from or shipping to Illinois.

Full disclosure: Needcoffee.com is an affiliate of Meth Coffee. This means when you click on the scary Meth Coffee guy down on the right hand side there and buy some, we get some kickbacks, just like with any other company we’ve got an affiliation with. We became an affiliate after we first reviewed the product, were impressed by its potency, and thought others would like it as well.

The folks behind Meth Coffee take this seriously, though (Madigan’s charges, not our affiliation), and have responded on their website:

Meth Coffee doesn’t glorify methamphetamines any more than Richard Pryor glorified cocaine. Meth Coffee glorifies coffee and the wonderful, legal, kick-in-the-pants it provides. Coffee is a drug, so what is wrong with taking the phrase, “I’m amped on caffeine” to an absurd level? That’s what comedians do. If you look at the coffee bag and the web site, you can see there is nothing flashy, sexy, or sane about methamphetamines. We depict a roller coaster ride of paranoia, fear, and insanity on our packaging. Where is the glamor? There is no enticement to do methamphetamines.

Which is why we like them so much, I guess. Because Needcoffee.com is basically a flume zoom of paranoia, fear and insanity.

They also point out that some of their founders are former real-meth users and that they’re sponsoring a comedy tour that benefits recovery groups. They’re declaring $2 off each bag of Meth Coffee now through August 13th. And here’s another full disclosure–I think that Madigan’s so silly that I actually don’t get kickbacks when you click through this link. But I’m giving you the link anyway so you save the $2.

Personally I think that banning Meth Coffee because it might cause somebody to think that real meth is a good idea is a lot like the brainiacs who treat me like a criminal and make me give up my personal information to buy Advil Cold & Sinus. I live in Atlanta? Have you seen Atlanta when the pollen goes berserk? The streets are yellow, people. Worst part is my beautiful black car becomes…green.

Anyway, my point is this: this is dumb. I’m sure Illinois has better things to do with its time than grandstand against a specialty coffee roaster in San Francisco. And Madigan–I hate to bring this up–but Meth Coffee is relatively small potatoes (no offense to them) in the grand coffee scheme of things. You just got them a mention in the Chicago Sun-Times. You just got them banned. Do you know how much publicity you just gave them? “The coffee so strong it’s Banned in Illinois!” How much people in Illinois are going to want to try the Forbidden Coffee now that you’ve dictated to them what they can and can’t have? How much people elsewhere are going to want to try it just because the government thinks they’re too dumb to know the difference between coffee and meth and they want to show you a thing or two? Too late now. You ditz.

By | 2017-09-24T23:14:31+00:00 August 8th, 2008|Headsup|5 Comments

5 Comments

  1. mike March 29, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    I LIVE in SF. Where can I get meth? (The coffee). Also, where can I get the strongest, richest coffee? Peets had one from Sumatra last month but it’s a once-a-year deal. Illy coffee is not rich, it’s boring. Not French roast either. Every cafe in town has some. Too weak. Real French roast (Paris) tastes nothing like the stuff they roast here for women and children (no offense if women and children are reading this.)

    Anybody know where I can order a rich, full, strong (not just in caffeine, Coca-Cola has that) coffee for a French press? Paper filters suck, the coffee is cold by the time it drains through.

    Thangya, thangya verramuch folks, and remember, be good to your folks, they’ve been good to you.

  2. Widge March 29, 2009 at 7:39 pm

    Mike: You can get Meth Coffee by following this link. We liked it so much we became an affiliate (full disclosure) so we get kickbacks on that. As far as strongest, richest coffee? That’s highly subjective and I don’t know that my palate is sophisticated enough to answer definitively. And I generally brew/make coffee in such song strong dosages that it’s probably apples and oranges. But thanks for the comment–and if you find something that works for you, come back and share it with us.

  3. Joshua September 12, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    I have been looking for the site for like a week or so, but the site has been down and i went to kingofcaffeine.com or w/e it was but they have an expired certificate, is there anywhere else to buy this stuff?

  4. Widge September 13, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Joshua: Good question…I didn’t know their site was down. Currently has a “Coming back…” message on it…not sure how long that’s been there. You might want to ping KoC and let them know they have a certificate problem. Keep us posted if you find out anything else.

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