Retro Game Commercial-Palooza!

River Raid

So poeTV pointed out this original Tetris commercial, which offered you the option of being Tetricized. Which just sounds perverse. I especially love the introduction of the various shapes for people who, like me, were educated in Alabama. Very kind of them.

Direct link for the feedreaders.

Watching this got me thinking…what about all of my other favorite games of yore? What commercials did they have? Would I remember them? Did I have a childhood at all and was it all implanted memories as it was recently revealed I am just a walking NASA experiment?
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Here’s Gauntlet. Gauntlet was great, because suddenly everything could be about to die. “Pen is about to die! Pen needs ink–badly!” It was one of the biggest quarter sucks in my arcade career. I’m sure many of you can commiserate.

Direct link for the feedreaders.

This McDonald’s commercial is more Atari-generic and doesn’t attach itself to any one game. But I will say that I look forward to the day when scratch-off game cards can, as promised here, actually have holographic games taking place above them while you scratch.

Direct link for the feedreaders.

And Jesus, I remember playing this. I played this. What was I thinking? Why did I trade in precious minutes, nay hours, of my life on this? What issues of self hatred was I working through?

Direct link for the feedreaders.

I don’t even remember Vanguard actually being an arcade game. Wait…upon further reflection, I believe it had the four buttons, right? For each gun? The Atari version was much simpler. And when you watch this, honestly: at the end, is that the guy who plays Sloth or is it me?

Direct link for the feedreaders.

One last one and then we’ll move on from here. For the moment. River Raid. How many people, show of hands, got the high score you needed, took a picture of the television screen, and sent it off to get your River Raid patch? Okay, how many people know for a fact that they still have their River Raid patch? Yup. My hand’s still up.

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  • a) I totally remember that Tetris commercial, with the random opera-singing lady. I could have used that part of my brain in college. I’m just saying.
    b)OMG ET. That was the MOST HORRIBLE GAME EVER. You started, you ran a little, you fell in a hole, you were unable to get out of the hole, you died. OVER AND OVER. The end.
    c) Is it true that there’s a giant bunker buried in the desert that is full of all the unsold copies of ET?

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