Who Will Love Who When the Rubber Meets the Road

Let me explain what I am giving an endorsement to in this picture. It's the classic piece of literature Running on Empty, a joint publication from Harlequin Romances and... NASCAR.

NASCAR crew chief Hugo Murphy could never forget Sylvie Ketchum, especially since he only had to look at her daughter—their daughter—to be reminded of the woman he'd loved. But she'd deserted him and Kim without a word, shattering their hopes and dreams. Nothing could fill the void—except NASCAR.

Now I have nothing against NASCAR. It, like most sports, is an enigma to me. And I have nothing against Harlequin Romances. I swore if things ever got too bad I would create a female pseudonym and start writing them to pay the bills. But when you put the two together--my Ability to Refrain From Mockery fails.

This must be a good deal for Harlequin, though. Think about it--you can insert a dime pulp romance story into anything. So I would like to humbly suggest the following additional alliances they could strike up:

1. ...with George A. Romero. Heart of the Living Dead.

2. ...with the Sci-Fi Channel. Boa vs. Python vs. Love.

3. ...with Harmonix Games' Rock Band. Fake Band, Real Tears.

4. ...with Dario Argento. The Tycoon's Rebellious Bride... and The Demons Who Devoured Her.

5. ...with The Muppets. Felt Up.

6. ...with Star Wars. The Sheik's Lifeday Proposal.

7. ...with The X-Men series of comics. The X-Men series of comics.

8. ...with Guillermo Del Toro. Blind Date With the Sightless Creature Portrayed by Doug Jones.

9. ...with Saw. Christmas Wishes, Mistletoe Mutilations.

10. ...with Jerry Reed. Pretty Mary Sunlite, She's All Right With Me (Once I've Ripped Open Her Bodice).

You're welcome, Harlequin. You want any more, you know where to find me. My rates are very reasonable.

• Click here to buy Harlequin romances stuff from Amazon. We won't tell a soul.
• Click here to buy NASCAR stuff from Amazon.
• Do you dare? DO YOU DARE? Click here to buy Harlequin NASCAR stuff from Amazon.