Dudley Moore and Sir John Gielgud

Russell Brand has always had our support. We wanted to introduce our non-UK readers to him. We offered him sanctuary in his time of trouble, launching Americans For Ross and Brand. We think he's a funny, funny guy.

And this is how he repays us.

By deciding to develop a remake of Arthur at Warner Brothers--the same studio who hasn't been able to release a goddamned widescreen DVD of the thing. He wants to remake my #1 favorite movie of all time.

Therefore it is with all due respect that I say, to Russell, after taking a long deep breath and counting to ten...

"What the fuck are you thinking? Are you out of your fucking mind? It's Dudley Moore's signature movie role! How are you going to even touch that? Who in the hell is going to have the balls to follow in Gielgud's shoes as Hobson? Russell, for fuck's sake, man, take any other comedy but that one. Why have you stabbed me right in the fucking heart? GAHHHH!!!!"

They say there's no atheists in foxholes? Well, there's no atheists staring down the barrel of an Arthur remake at least. Dear Baby Jesus: I don't believe in you--no offense meant--but just to help me until the sedatives kick in, would you humor me and please talk some sense into Russell Brand? Maybe talk to him through his hair, since he thought it could be used for an alien communication device anyway. Thank you.