7 Signs of the Apocalypse DVD cover art

From the DVD back cover:

“War, famine, plague… According to the Book of Revelation in the Bible, these are three of the four horsemen of a coming apocalypse. The fourth? The anti-Christ, in human form, walking somewhere among us.”

Um, no, I’ve read Good Omens, which I believe a lot better than the Bible, and it says the fourth horseman is Death. So there.

“Could this 2,000-year-old prophecy actually come true? And could it be on the verge of happening today?”

And could this have actually aired on the History Channel?

“In this fascinating special, History decodes the ancient prophecy, which actually consists of seven signs within seven signs within seven more signs, and examines whether any of them could be linked to actual or potential occurrences today.”

So you’ve got…what, is that seven-cubed signs? It’s hard to say, that’s a bit confusing. But if that’s the cast then we’re going to see if 343 potential signs might link to anything that has or could possibly happen? Is that a broad enough net to cast?

“Asteroids, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, red tides, global warming and plagues.”

That’s right. Tying the Econapocalypse into things is for pussies. We’re going for the Real Freaking Deal, folks.

“We also explore what would happen if the seven-signs prophecy were to unfold right now.”

Does this star Kirk Cameron?

“It’s fascinating. It’s scary. It’s riveting.”

It’s bullshit. And it’s on the History Channel!

“And a word of warning: the prophecy ends with Armageddon, the final battle between good and evil.”

So did The Lord of the Rings.

Ahem. Anyway, oh, we’re here for a contest. Yes, you can win a copy of this. Enter using the form below and enter once a day. But a word of warning: the contest ends with somebody’s name being drawn and that name will win the DVD.

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