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Zebra Lounge (2001) - DVD Review

By ScottC - posted 05.03.09 @ 7:58 pm
zebra lounge dvd cover

Film:
DVD:

Written by: Claire & Monte Montgomery
Directed by: Kari Skogland
Starring: Kristy Swanson, Stephen Baldwin, Brandy Ledford, Cameron Daddo

Features:

  1. Photo gallery
  2. Trailer

Released by: Fox Home Entertainment
Region: 1
Rating: R
Anamorphic: No, presented in 1.85:1 ratio

My Advice: Rent Real Porn

Alan (Daddo) and Wendy Barnet (Ledford) are the typical suburban couple: two careers, two kids, and two cars. They are also bored out of their minds. There is just no excitement in their lives, sexual or otherwise. They decide to spice things up a little and put out an ad in a swingers magazine for another couple to play with. Enter Jack and Louise Bauer. They're rich, fun, and charming. Not only do they have a hot sweaty time together, they all like each other. Things get a little uncomfortable when the Bauers' start showing up at soccer games and spoiling the Barnett kids rotten. Then there is the indiscriminate drug use and a business rival of Alan ending up dead. When the Barnets try to cool things down, the Bauers are more than insistent that they keep their foursome going. It seems that everyone is playing for keeps.


First off, why is it that when a couple delve outside the convention sexual boundaries, all hell breaks loose. Now I'm not saying there are not crazies out there, but psychopaths like the Bauers are very very rare. I've knows several couples who've opened up their relationship and they weren't murdered or otherwise harnessed. They had to deal with relationship stuff but that's part of the package. Movies like this serve only to titillate and excite the great unwashed masses but then assuage their bourgeois morality by having the transgressors punished in some way. God forbid that people experiment with sexuality and find something interesting. Heaven offend that consenting adults enjoy themselves without crippling guilt or moral opprobrium. Jesus help us all if everyone acted like healthy responsible adults instead of whacked out cult members worshiping some invisible sky father who love you all but want you to be miserable. Fuck that and fuck this movie.

zebra lounge pool orgy

An ennui settled over the pool partyl when they realized that they were in a shitty erotic thriller.

And while I'm on the subject of sexual expression, this movie is a perfect example why people should rent real porn. People are just not satisfied with the suggestion of penetration of the vagina or the manual manipulation of the clitoris. They want to see the real deal. Seriously, if you're going to have a lesbian make out scene, you need one girl licking that other girl's pussy. Am I wrong? Adding a stupid retread of a thriller plot will not make this soft core crap any more fun to watch. A double penetration scene, now that's entertainment. The adult entertainment industry is hurting like everyone else in this economy, so support your local porn store and buy a couple of DVDs that will be more arousing than this piece of shit.

Let's me say again, fuck moralizing hypocrites and fuck this movie.

Buy Stuff
  1. Click here to buy it from Amazon.

Read More About:

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ScottC's full name is Scott Campbell: writer, actor, critic, and debauched libertine who serves as Need Coffee's Minister of Naughty Bits. When not engaged in matters of perfume, sex, and rock lobsters, he lends his body to The Mickee Faust Club and his voice to Curious Echo Radio Theater. He can be found on Twitter sexually harrassing all and sundry. He has written 435 posts. See them all here.

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A Mob Numbering 5
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    1. 

    So, the Bauers were fundamentalists who started terrorizing the Barnetts for sinning? What? You lost me in paragraph 2.

    Comment by Doc — May 4, 2009 @ 9:34 am

    2. 

    The Barnets step outside the sexual norm and are 'punished' by engaging with the crazy Bauers. The usual cause for sexual condemnation is religious in nature so that's what I was railing against.

    Comment by ScottC — May 4, 2009 @ 12:15 pm

    3. 

    I got it, and agree with the advice. I like the two female leads' looks (Kristy from Buffy the movie, and Ledford from various SF series), but I'm not getting the feel this is a fun movie, which is the only reason I'd rent something with this kind of moral.

    Comment by Shaun — June 30, 2009 @ 7:44 pm

    4. 

    i got ya - the religious right commissioned this soft core porn movie to remind people of the dangers of adultery, and that's why the main characters ultimately improve their marriage and lives as a result of their sinfulness. makes total sense. you can always tell the fundamentalist wacko preachy movies because they include adversity and suspense and the triumph of good over evil, all of which are otherwise very rare in movies.

    Comment by blinky — July 18, 2009 @ 11:05 am

    5. 

    Blinky: I can't tell if you're defending the religious right or defending the film. So to cover my bases, I'm going to laugh twice. Thanks for playing.

    Comment by Widge — July 18, 2009 @ 4:18 pm

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