Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream from Ben and Jerry's

There are certain things in life you enjoy and you can't exactly say why you enjoy them. For me, Red Velvet Cake is one of those things. At first glance, of course, red velvet cake just looks like cake that's...you know, just been dyed red. And that's seemingly all there is to it. With this in mind I thought that maybe slicing into something and getting red as a result might appeal to the inner hunter gatherer in me. But then I had visions of my ancestors chasing giant mega-cakes across a steppe--perhaps even herding them off a cliff like they were woolly mammoths--and nobody wants that image in their head, so be glad you didn't have it in yours.

But finding out that there's a degree of cocoa involved...maybe that's it. Regardless, it's still a mystery. You might well ask why I'm going through all of this with you instead of talking about the ice cream. And the trouble is, if all I did was talk about the ice cream, this would be one damn short review. You see, this just might be the most nailed-on-the-head Ben and Jerry's flavor in recent memory. The container proclaims: "Red Velvet Cake Batter Ice Cream with Red Velvet Cake Pieces & a Cream Cheese Frosting Swirl." And, well, the damn thing just tastes exactly like red velvet cake. The title says it all.

This is a very good thing: it's like the ice cream equivalent of a Jelly Belly. Somehow, those jelly beans taste like what they're supposed to. Same thing here. I was afraid considering the last ice cream of theirs I tried that involved cake batter, called...wait for it...Cake Batter...missed the mark by including chocolate where none was necessary. And it's serious business, as I said at the time, if I'm the one saying "No, ixnay on the chocolate." If anything here, the cream cheese flavor of the frosting just melts into the creaminess of the ice cream and, well, you pass out due to the amount of sugar you've just ingested.

That is, of course, the one drawback to the ice cream: it is highly addictive, not unlike spooning crack cocaine into your mouth. It also will cause you to gain weight simply by looking at the container. For those of you who are reading this and wondering why the picture made your ass swell...my apologies.

Highly recommended...just red velvet cake addicts should be supervised so they don't commit a tasty frozen suicide. If "Seppuku" means "stomach-cutting," then this ritual would be known as "stomach-enlarging."