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Wayhomer Review #156: The Lone Ranger (2013)

By Widge - posted 07.04.13 @ 2:52 pm

Johnny Depp as Tonto from The Lone Ranger (2013)

It's Episode #156 for The Lone Ranger, in which our protagonist wishes Tonto would just wear a hat or something, thinks that horse poop is a great barometer of an age range a film is shooting for and lastly...he feels really, really bad for the Reid family.

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Special thanks to PhantomV48 for the closing animation.

Previous episode here.

Read More About:

Widgett Walls is Need Coffee's Chief Cook and Bottle Washer. He is the author of the novel Mystics on the Road to Vanishing Point, and two collections of short stories, Magnificent Desolation and Something Else: The Complete First Season. He is also co-author of the children's book There's a Zombie in My Treehouse! All of those books are available in paperback or for the Kindle from Amazon. He is also the narrator and publisher of the first unabridged recording of Seneca's letters, available here. He is active on both Twitter and Facebook. (If you befriend him on Facebook, do say you came via Need Coffee.) He lives and works in Atlanta, Georgia. He hardly ever sleeps.

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A Mob Numbering 12
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    1. 

    Pirates sequels were utter narrative chaos. They didn't make a lick of sense. WHO WAS THE PROTAGONIST?

    PLEASE STOP SPREADING THIS POISON.

    Comment by grendl — July 4, 2013 @ 8:57 pm

    2. 

    I don't recall saying that I enjoyed them. I also don't recall saying anything about hair bands. You may have mistaken me for Tuffley. It happens. Future reference: he has no beard.

    Comment by Widge — July 4, 2013 @ 11:03 pm

    3. 

    Between this and 'The Green Hornet', which would you rather choose?

    Comment by Anonymous — July 5, 2013 @ 2:45 am

    4. 

    The best reviewer line, from the "New York Times", exhaustively bad.

    Comment by rox of Spazhouse — July 5, 2013 @ 7:40 am

    5. 

    STOP SPREADING POISON - SPREAD WINGER!

    Totally agree with you on this film, Widge. It didn't know if it wanted to be Pirates of the OLD WEST, of Last of the Mohicans Lite. You can't go from Johnny Depp hamming it up to someone getting their heart cut out and eaten. It just really seemed schitzophrenic. It lived down to my exceedingly low expectations. I think the bird on the head was so he would look more like Captain Jack Sparrow in profile (really, he did!)

    On a serious note, don't spread any 80's hair bands. Think of the children!

    Comment by Carol — July 5, 2013 @ 7:41 am

    6. 

    Anonymous: can I pick Option C: Head Injury instead? Wow, that's a tough one. On one hand, this at least had Johnny Depp, who was fun to watch even when he was lost. On the other hand, the only good thing about Green Hornet was James Franco's cameo. So, just for length of screentime, I'd have to go with this one.

    Comment by Widge — July 5, 2013 @ 8:09 am

    7. 

    0:14 Why? Political correctness and ego, a terrible combination.15:10 Actually, it *was* Seth Rogen's fault, the Green Hornet was *his* vision.

    Comment by Steve the Dude — July 5, 2013 @ 1:43 pm

    8. 

    Are you saying that I'm being politically correct? If so, it didn't really hold up, as Depp's Tonto is the only thing in the film remotely worth watching. And really, if the main thing about role is that it's a Native American, I think it's reasonable to question why you would completely ignore that. And Hornet may have been Rogen's vision to begin with, but in the film he carried himself like somebody who once had a vision, but then the vision got away from him. It's like watching somebody think they can handle swimming with sharks and then they jump in and you actually feel sorry for them.

    Comment by Widge — July 5, 2013 @ 7:07 pm

    9. 

    Are you sure Michael Bay didn't direct this?

    Comment by B.Smith — July 7, 2013 @ 11:14 pm

    10. 

    Brady: Not enough slo-mo explosions. 15% more and then you might be onto something...

    Comment by Widge — July 8, 2013 @ 2:04 am

    11. 

    I don't know, Widge.... Blazing Saddles with more explosions sounds kind of promising...

    Comment by Marshall — July 12, 2013 @ 4:34 pm

    12. 

    Marshall: That's how they get you...it *sounds* more promising...

    Comment by Widge — July 13, 2013 @ 5:06 am

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