Maxwell House: Out of Coffee

Yes, it’s National Coffee Day. But we never like the whole “national” moniker anyway, especially when we’re dealing with something as universally loved as coffee. So we hereby invite all of our many international readers to celebrate the day with us.

First Things First: if you want a run-down of where to get free coffee, here’s your agenda. Once you have your free coffee (which is one of my favorite types of coffee, incidentally), come back here to disturb yourself.

Let’s dive into the archives for some excellent WTFery. Check out this Maxwell House commercial:

Apart from the 2001 monolith-sized canister of coffee (instant coffee) that performs a home invasion during the course of the commercial, what is up with this couple’s relationship? Not only does he go to kiss her head–and miss–but at the end he’s so happy he dips her and then proceeds to–seemingly–drink her blood. Utterly insane.

Now because it’s worth revisiting: proto-Kermit from Jim Henson at his most sinister. We’d never presume to threaten anyone with drinking coffee. But that appears to be the entirety of the ad campaign that follows:

And it’s not all about selling the stuff. Enjoy this track from comedy giant Allan Sherman:

Sadly, I don’t know that that track is in print on anything that’s not a ton of money. But find other Allan Sherman awesomeness at Amazon here

And this is one of my favorite coffee-related songs, “Sexy Coffee Pot” by Tony Alvon & The Belairs. There’s not even any actual lyrics…my assumption is that Tony was so overwhelmed by his love of coffee that a groove plus horns was sufficient to get across his true feelings.

I found this on the What It Is: Funky Soul and Rare Grooves boxed set, which has a lot of excellent stuff on it. But at over ninety tracks, it might be a little steep for you. (And not all the tracks are even available on the MP3 bundle.) But no worries: the track itself is just $.99.

And no sipping-thoughtfully-on-some-free-coffee session would be complete without Otis Redding. So…here you go. May your brew be as smooth as this song.

That’s of course available on his Soul Album. Happy Coffee Life, everyone.