Author - Bob the Zombie

Adverse Video Review: The Wraith: He’s Not From Around Here

DVD cover art of The Wraith

Oh no, not another 1980s-teen-drama-action- space-invader-that-drives-a-racecar-but-is-the-real-hero-movie!

The trick to watching this cult classic wannabe is not to. But if you like having that good old friendly upchuck feeling at the back of your throat on occasion and you don’t do porn, then The Wraith is upchucktastic!

The Cover says it all friends. Staring Charlie Sheen, Randy Quaid, Sherilyn Fenn (hot), and Nick Cassavetes. With Music Performed by Ozzy Osborne, Billy Idol, and Robert Palmer. Are you pumped yet?

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Adverse Video Review: Zardoz


Oh, Sean, Sean, Sean, how I loved thee in this film, let me count the dead bodies.

Okay, everyone wants to be Bond or at least they pretend they are in the shower so they can kick ass and take names while humming that notorious Bond tune. But I have some bad news for you folks: on one occasion or another our Bonds have disappointed us. Granted, Zardoz does have its brilliant moments, trying to get over Sean Connery with long hair in a braid and a red Speedo running around killing people is a hard thing to do. And no, ladies, the film was not made when he was young and buff and the Bond we oh so love. The film was made in 1974, that’s 3 YEARS AFTER Diamonds are Forever!

I’m going to say it. That’s right, I am going to say it. Connery’s performance in this is worse than Roger Moore playing an over-the-top gay guy who hits on Cuba Gooding Jr. in Boat Trip.

Bringing new meaning to 1970s films, Zardoz takes British avant garde, fantasy, and what-the-hell to a new level. On paper, this UK blunder has potential, in practice just try to get all the way through it without grinding your teeth.

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Adverse Video Review: The Last Dragon

The Last Dragon DVD cover art

I sought the Master and have found him!

On a shy quest to get his glow-you-got-to-know and his banana peeled, Bruce Leroy (Taimak [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][IMDB linky]) is…The Last Dragon.

If you haven’t ever wanted to be a badass, you will after seeing this film. To learn how just take your cue from any of the baddasses–and yes, I do mean multiple baddasses. This parade of badassery includes: Taimak, Vanity, Faith Prince, Mike Starr, Julius J. Carry, III and the coolest kung fu kid ever, Ernie Reyes Jr.–you know, the kid from Red Sonja! There’s a reason why Motown CEO Berry Gordon and Michael Schultz gathered to create this outrageous kung fu-80s-harlem-cult-classic-bonanza, The Last Dragon.

There’s also a reason why Busta Rhymes, badass that he is, pays homage to Carry’s character Sno’Nuff in his music video for “Dangerous.” The line quoted? “Who’s the baddest mo-fo, low down, around this town? Sno’nuff.” Perhaps now I have gotten across to you the badass foundation and now the review can continue.

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Adverse Video Review: Evil Alien Conquerors

Evil Alien Conquerors

Holy raging Bellcrons!

Do you like the feeling of your teeth hurting and your jaw locking-up in disbelief? Then this is not only a Bad B-Movie must-buy, but also a must-watch, and must-hide away until your friends come over. Then, by Rabirr’s flabby buttocks, you will inflict it on them!

In a world where hairy feet and unibrows have their own tunes of enthusiasm, the supply of make-up is limited, and “nudies” are a major no-no, the universe of the Kabijjian Evil Alien Conqueror is a place all bad B-Movie goers must go.

Evil Alien Conquerors is so terrible it’s great, not badass as in James Bond or awesome as in Ace Hunter mind you, but simply great. It is so bad that and don’t even have the movie poster icon for it on their sites.

Starring Diedrich Bader and Chris Parnell, the film follows two…wait for it…Evil Alien Conquerors from the planet Kabijj on their quest to decapitate all humans–all of them–in just two days. Stuck in Palmdale, California, they are aided by Kenny (Michael Weston) on their misadventures which includes the usual things aliens do when they invade: mowing lawns, getting blown up, battling a cow, and making infomercials.

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