So we return to yet another April and yet another National Poetry Month. Just like last year, we’re going to be posting a new poetry recording each day. Some of it will be original. Some of it will be classic material. Some of it will be classic material presented in an entirely new way.
But this something different. Our own Tee Quillin did a straight reading of it and handed it to one of his college classes as an assignment and said, “Do something with this.” Michael Blevins answered the challenge with a new translation of the classic piece that is…well, NSFW for language. We enjoyed it so much we asked for permission to lead off this year with it and we got it. So. Enjoy.
First of all, for the record, let me say that I have not seen the new Transformers sequel. I’m aware of the hype and I did see the first one. Thankfully, this is not a review of the new movie. It’s a review of a couple of the reviews I’ve read for that movie.
In the early, pre-dawn hours of the morning this morning, I rolled over and picked up my Blackberry to catch a glimpse of the headlines. There’s always something there that will help lock your eyeballs open for the day. This day, it was the absolute idiocy of a couple of movie reviews that was able to get me from the bed to the coffee pot.
Written by Tab Murphy, Bob Tzudiker, Noni White, Henry Mayo, David Reynolds, based on the novel Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs Directed by Chris Buck and Kevin Lima Starring Tony Goldwyn, Minnie Driver, Glenn Close, Brian Blessed, Nigel Hawthorne, Lance Henriksen, Wayne Knight, Alex D. Linz and Rosie O’Donnell
Terk’s Tree Surfing Challenge – 3 All New Games
DisneyPedia: Living in the Jungle
Deleted Scenes including Alternate Opening
Filmmaker’s Audio Commentary
All-New Music Video featuring The Wildly Popular Everlife
Music Videos featuring Phil Collins and ‘N Sync
Released by: Disney Home Entertainment Rating: G Region: 1 Anamorphic: Yes.
Written by Thomas Lennon, Ben Garant, Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, based on characters by Gordon Buford Directed by Angela Robinson Starring Lindsay Lohan, Michael Keaton, Matt Dillon, Breckin Meyer, Justin Long
Alternate Title Opening
A Day at the Races
Breaking the Rules: The Stunts from Herbie: Fully Loaded
Lindsay Lohan Music Video: “First”
Released by: Disney Home Entertainment Rating: G Region: 1 Anamorphic: Yes
Series Created by: Joel Surnow and Robert Cochran Starring Kiefer Sutherland, Sarah Wynter, Sarah Clarke, Elisha Cuthbert, Xander Berkeley, Dennis Haysbert
Original extended version of the series premiere
Cast/crew running audio commentary on selected episodes
44 branched deleted scenes with optional commentary track
Featurettes: “On the Button: The Destruction of CTU”; “Making of an Episode: Production”; “Making of an Episode: Post-Production”
Multi-angle studies: Scene 1, Scene 2
Released by: Fox. Region: 1 Rating: NR (some violence may be unsuitable for young audiences) Anamorphic: Yes.
My Advice: Own it.
Jack Bauer (Sutherland) has been out of the counter-terrorist business for about a year now. He got out of said business because one of his fellow agents killed his wife while he was trying to save president Palmer’s (Haysbert) life. Well, this particular morning, the NSA has uncovered a plot to detonate a nuclear bomb over Los Angeles sometime before the end of the day. Jack Bauer’s life gets a lot more complicated when the president requests that he be re-activated as an agent to head up the field work for this investigation.
Written & Directed by Jeff Abugov Starring Mackenzie Astin, Carmen Electra, David Hyde Pierce, Lucy Liu, Markus Redmond
Running audio commentary by writer/director Abugov
Released by: Columbia Tristar. Region: 1 Rating: R Anamorphic: Yes.
My Advice: Rent it to see it at least once.
Have you ever wondered about how there got to be so many human beings on such a tiny little planet? Well, wonder no more! This documentary by an alien anthropologist (Pierce), takes a look at just what makes these simple creatures tick, and more importantly, what makes them tick so often. He follows one human female, known among other of her species as Jenny (Electra), and one human male, also known as Billy (Astin) and follows their relationship from courting to sexual intercourse to marriage to the birth of their resulting offspring. As you will see, there is much more to a human relationship than meets the ocular nerve endings.
Written by Janus Cercone Directed by Richard Pearce Starring Steve Martin, Debra Winger, Lolita Davidovich, Liam Neeson, Lukas Haas, Meat Loaf, and Philip Seymour Hoffman
Released by: Paramount Rating: PG-13 Region: 1 Anamorphic: Yes
My Advice: Eh, rent it if there’s nothing else.
Jonas Nightingale (Martin) is a faith healer and he’s a good one. There’s only little problem. He’s only in it for the money. The only faith he has is for the suckers who fill his tent every night to receive salvation. He travels across the county with his tour bus and tractor trailer rigs full of equipment looking for places to set up his tent and separate people from their money. His team has got this down to a science. The ushers who are seating people are writing down little bits of information that they overhear and pass them along back to Jane (Winger) who is connected to Jonas via a wireless speaker that he wears in his ear during the show. She passes along the information to make it look like Jonas is actually communicating with the Holy Spirit. The local sheriff (Neeson), who also has a thing for Jane, is on to Jonas and vows to shut him down one way or another. All of their lives are changed when a little boy with bad legs (Haas) sets foot on the stage and is really healed.
Written by John Fusco Directed by Joe Johnston Starring Viggo Mortensen, Zuleikha Robinson, Omar Sharif, Louise Lombard, and SaÃ¯d Taghmaoui
“Sand and Celluloid” making-of featurette
“America’s First Horse” enhanced computer featurette
Released by: Touchstone Home Entertainment Rating: PG-13 Region: 1 Anamorphic: Yes.
My Advice: Rent it.
Frank Hopkins (Mortensen) is a Pony Express rider whose best friend is his horse, Hidalgo. Hopkins and Hidalgo have earned a national reputation for being champions of endurance races in the late 1800s. While he’s performing with Buffalo Bill Cody’s (J.K. Simmons) Wild West Show, his reputation is picked up by a Sheik (Sharif) who challenges them to race the 3,000 mile race across the deserts of the Middle East. They accept the challenge. Along the route of the race, they are challenged with bands of raiders who are very proud of their pure-bred horses and look down upon the infidel and his mixed-breed horse from America. They take this race and their breeding rights very seriously–enough to kill men and horses to make sure they win the race.
Produced by Philip Nugus and Jonathan Martin Narrated by Robert Powell
Released by: The History Channel Rating: NR (some warfare footage inappropriate for younger audiences) Region: 1 Anamorphic: N/A; appears in its original 1.33:1 format.
My Advice: Find some wet paint to watch dry instead
The 20th Century saw some amazing changes to the way that we wage war. Needless to say, we became more and more efficient at killing one another regardless of the justification. This documentary focuses on those changes and goes from one major war to another, spanning the globe.
Sadly, this is one of the most boring things I have ever seen. It’s organized very well, but it’s a bit like watching someone’s doctoral thesis in world history. The first episode sets up the rest of the episodes nicely, lining up what we are going to be watching for the next twenty-six hours. It seems to contain every scrap of stock footage from every major battle since WWI and is not shy about showing you every last second of this footage. Powell’s narration is some of the most mind numbingly boring that I’ve ever heard. It’s not just his fault–no, the writing for this documentary is the aural equivalent of an watching houseflies mate.