Fall has finally arrived here in Florida. Our high temperature was only at the low 70s. Of course, whether it stays we will have to see. Fall tends to fluctuate around here. But the (temporary) chill in the air does help with getting in the mood for the Black Phoenix Halloween perfume lines. So gather around my Halloween people–November or not, it is time to explore the frightening fragrances and supernatural scents from the olfactory occultists of Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab.
Coraline “Not Caroline” Jones is one of the most dangerous things known to humanity: a smart kid who is bored. Unlike the young lumpenproletariat who merely engages in standard juvenile delinquency, these young masters of disaster make nitroglycerin in the bathtub, or hack into various federal agencies, or perform science experiments on their siblings. But even more than that: Coraline belongs to that elite class where their troublemaking is not restricted to this plane of existence. She travels to a world which is similar to ours but not quite. In this other world, there is her Other Mother and her Other Father–they’re like Coraline’s parents, but with crucial differences. Those being that her Other Parents pay attention to Coraline, cook her non-exotic food, and just basically love her to pieces. Even her neighbors are far more interesting and the whole apartment building seems alive with magic. Of course, everyone having buttons for eyes is a little off-putting. And the Other Mother seems really needy. Especially when she wants Coraline to stay and have buttons installed as well. Coraline is going to have to be very brave and very clever because the Other Mother simply does not take ‘No’ for an answer.
Written by Warren Ellis
Performed by Reg E. Cathey
Published by Hachette Audio
NYPD detective John Tallow has just seen his partner of twenty years shot by a crazy naked man with a shotgun. Of course, Tallow responses in kind by shooting the crazy man dead. This would have been the incident where Tallow, burdened with years of the violence and brutality of New York, finally shuts down.
However, the naked madman with a shotgun blew a hole into an apartment. When checking to see if anyone is hurt, Tallow discovers an apartment covered in guns. All sorts of guns from flintlocks to Saturday Night Specials, all arranged like pixels in a digital picture. They seem to convey some sort of meaning or purpose but it may be beyond sanity. Even weirder, when a sampling of the guns is tested, all of them are connected to cold cases of unsolved homicides. In other words, Tallow has just reopened over 400 unsolved murder cases and the department is not happy. His “reward” for this discovery is to investigate who did all this. And why would be nice too. So Tallow has to deal with two rather odd CSUs, a department that wouldn’t mind this whole mess sinking into the Hudson, and the killer who is very smart, very talented, and very pissed that someone fucked with his guns.
Well, yes, yesterday saw the return of Mandatory Romance Occasion or as it is commonly known, Valentine’s Day. That day when couples desperately reach for the same cliche activities like the Fancy Dinner TM, the dozen roses, and, you know, some sort of jewelry. And for the singles, you might have drowned your loneliness in some sort of sugar, fat, or alcohol or–and more likely–a combination of all three. But complaining about Valentine’s Day has become a cliche in itself. So no more bitching and moaning, we move on to Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab‘s perfume that broaden your perspectives while delighting your nose.
Christmas has always been portrayed as a time of comfort and joy. So it makes sense that people will take comfort in the many and various Christmas traditions like the tree, the carols, and the complaints. But Christmas traditions are not set in fruitcake–new ones get added and existing ones get changed all the time. For instance, along with those classics It’s A Wonderful Life and Miracle On 34th Street (the original in black and white, naturally), your Christmas viewing may also include A Christmas Story, Scrooged, or even Die Hard.
But alongside these, Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab has its own Christmas traditions and wants to share them with you.
For those not familiar with table top role playing games like Dungeons and Dragons, GURPS, or Call of Cthulhu, you usually buy the core books. These introduce you to the rules that players follow, the rules the game master follows, and the background and information about the setting. These books are usually sufficient to play the game.
But there is always something that couldn’t make it into the books by the printing date, or stuff that expands a part of the game that couldn’t fit into the books, or simply new material that the fans wanted included. So the publishers would release supplement books to, well, supplement the game. It also didn’t hurt that this would get players to spend more money but hey, we do live in a capitalistic society.
HBO has become a brand name you can trust when it comes to quality original series. You can also trust that these series will also have an obscene amount of swearing, fucking, and more than a bit of the old ultra violence. Not that I don’t blame them. If you can get away with it, why not make good TV that is legitimately adult?
However, in the misty and far away era that was the 1980s (kids, ask your parents–it was a real time and not just a myth), HBO had a television show that was for children. That show was Fraggle Rock.
For you young people out there who only know about Angry Birds, Justin Bieber, and Internet porn, go here and watch some. It’s good for you. I will say that Fraggle Rock has a timeless universal quality that instantly makes it a classic. This could be due to Henson Studios making a show that wasn’t driven by toy sale figures, a desire to create something XTREME!!!, or even a need to shove socially conscious messages hard into little kids’ faces.
We at Needcoffee like to point out fellow content creators that fill the Internet with more than just mail order pharmacies, mail order diplomas, and mail order Russian brides (although Russian brides that came with a diploma…that’s an untapped market). In the past, I have thrown at you alien invaders from Mercury, sci-fi janitors, and Isabella Rossellini curating artistic animal erotica.
Now, I am going to tell you about teeth. Specifically two milk teeth.
Perfume comes from many sources: flowers, tree resins, herbs. One source that is a little controversial is the glands of animals. Musk comes from the civet, something like a mongoose, the North American beaver, and from the Asian musk deer. Of course, most of these compounds can be replicated through chemistry, but synthetic or not, a good perfumer should be familiar with the secretions that certain glands can naturally produce.
We applaud Black Phoenix for getting involved with glands. (We’re, on this site anyway, extremely concerned with the adrenal gland.) In Black Phoenix’s case, they have turned their attention and imagination to human male testicles.
Or in more common parlance: balls.