Author - Widge

The Conjuring (2013) – Movie Review

Conjuring (2013)

Written by Carey W. Hayes & Chad Hayes
Directed by James Wan

Starring Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Lili Taylor, Ron Livingston, John Brotherton

Ed and Lorraine Warren (Wilson & Farmiga) are demonologists. They help people who have no one else to turn to. They’re like The Equalizer but for people menaced by supernatural forces. They do lectures. They give interviews. They assist at exorcisms. And they have a room in their house that serves as both museum and Vault of Mysteries, keeping sinister objects locked away from the rest of the world. (Let’s draw a veil discretely over whether or not that’s a good idea.) Enter the Perrons (Taylor & Livingston) who just moved out into the country to an old house that happens to have a history. That history is now tormenting their five daughters, putting bruises on Mrs. Perron and basically it’s all turning into an episode of Homes Under the Hammer of Satan. Time for Lorraine, Ed, and Ed’s sideburns to get to work.

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Sprite: Lymonade – Drink Review

Sprite: Lymonade

Sprite’s latest variation is to add lemonade to its already lemon-lime self, thus creating Lymonade. It at first glance doesn’t seem like a very strange chimeric concoction, especially since at the top left above the logo it boasts “Lemon-Lime & Lemonade Flavored Soda With Real Juice & Other Natural Flavors”! But then bottom right below the logo it admits “Made With 1% Real Juice.” Rarely do you see a product label boast about a feature and yet admitting that feature is pretty much meaningless on the same side of the label.

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The Post-Endgame OMGWTFFAQ

Chris Evans as Captain America with a hurting brain in Avengers: Endgame

Even Cap’s brain hurts while trying to follow everything that’s going on in Endgame

There is an awful lot to unpack in Avengers: Endgame. It is a film that creates as many questions as it does answers. In my ongoing attempt to use this site as therapy, here are my attempts to answer some of the most burning questions that will spend hours stabbing us in our brains with tiny sporks.

Obviously, MASSIVE SPOILERS for Endgame. So if you haven’t seen it, turn back now. Past the break is the point of no return.

FIRST THINGS FIRST. WHY DID THEY CALL THE SNAP “THE DECIMATION” WHEN BY DEFINITION A DECIMATION IS WHEN YOU LOSE 1/10 OF WHATEVER IS AFFECTED?

I have no goddamn clue. I suck at math and even I know that’s wrong.

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Doomsday Hound Russian Imperial Stout – Review

New Realm Doomsday Hound Russian Imperial Stout

A Russian imperial stout. A picture of a dark hellhound on the can. The name “Doomsday Hound.” It’s obvious New Realm had targeted this beer right at me. Reading these signs I took it upon myself to pick up the gauntlet they had thrown down and drink it. I…well, that metaphor just went right to hell, so never mind.

You’ve got a 9.5% ABV here and when you open it, the aroma at first makes it seems like it’s one of those UberStouts. You know the type: “I am a STOUT and I will beat you to DEATH with my UTTER STOUTNESS.” There can be too much of a good thing and these days I find that some stouts are trying to go for the extreme sport drinkers or…something. I guess those Ultra-Stouts are trying to appeal to drinkers who have destroyed their tastebuds with over-hoppyness. So I was prepared for this thing to try and punch me in the earhole.

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Rodents of Unusual Size (2017) – Movie Review

Rodents of Unusual Size movie poster

Produced & Directed by Quinn Costello, Jeff Metzler & Jeff Springer
Narrated by Wendell Pierce

So I’m going to admit something to you. If you’ve been hanging around this site for any length of time, though, it’s not exactly a shock revelation. I have a fondness for When Animals Attack films. I especially enjoy the When Giant Animals Attack sub-genre. If a week goes by where I can’t make a Food of the Gods reference, I feel like something’s spiritually wrong. Night of the Lepus is a staple of annual Halloween viewing. So when I heard there was a film about giant rodents eating Louisiana, I expected it to be ATOMIC giant rodents or stop-motion giant rodents or…something. But it was a documentary. Oh yes.

Enter…the nutria. I know it sounds like I’m about to launch into a sales pitch for a new smoothie diet mix, but no…nutria are basically what would happen if naked mole rats got sick and tired of being picked on, so they overdosed on Rogaine and steroids. These things are as big as beavers and have orange teeth. See? Orange teeth. That’s weird. They should be atomic, glowing orange teeth but no, it’s something apparently normal having to do with the enamel.

I won’t rehash the story of how the nutria came to Louisiana, because that’s part of the docu Rodents of Unusual Size. And the animated sequence towards the beginning in which Wendell Pierce (Treme, Jack Ryan) tells you the story does a much better job than I could. Suffice it to say the nutria were brought in with the best of intentions, they got loose, they were fruitful and multiplied, and now they eat vegetation which helps hold the ground together. And with the ground compromised, it has a tendency to just…wash away.

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This Just In: Invasion Info, Demonic Recipes, & Happy Dogs That Could Kick Your Ass

Neptune Monograph

It’s no secret that I’m fascinated by both (as of this writing, there have been only two) World Wars. Simply because about six months or so, I learn some new insane fact about the conflicts. Nothing so far has beaten aircraft carrier submarines, though. So when I saw the Kickstarter for The Neptune Monograph Project, I leapt on it. This is the document that was used for D-Day planning and was the highest level of Top Secret (BIGOT) they had (except for Double Secret BIGOT). The end result is badass and the sort of thing you can data geek out on for weeks. There are descriptions of German fortifications. There are charts about tides and info on the type of ground they’re going to hit when they arrive. There’s a level of info that…well, I have no idea how they pulled together this much stuff. I couldn’t do it today with Google Fu. So basically it’s an important WWII document that is now fully restored for posterity and uses its blank pages to provide historical context. If you really want to deep dive on the subject, you can’t get much deeper than this. If you need one for yourself, there’s still a couple left being sold over at Amazon.

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The Music of 2018 in Review

2018 Music Picks Overlap

If you’re reading this, then it’s official: you’ve survived 2018. Congratulations. Or you’re in the far flung future and somehow a copy of this site is extant despite the atomic wars, the invasion of mutant hamsters, and the revelation that saliva causes stomach cancer. So you were wise enough not to be born yet when 2018 happened, and thus I say also to you: congratulations.

One of the things we do around here while passing the time awaiting the heat death of the universe is to attempt to keep up with the release of new music. It’s impossible. I tried to listen to as much music from a single year a few years back and it damn near killed me. If anybody comes close to being able to sift through everything, that would have to be Need Coffee Music Ministers, Tuffley and Rob. And keeping with tradition, they have published their best-of lists for the year that was. You can find them on Spotify (links below). Also keeping with tradition, I tried to keep up with them and failed with spectacular grace for someone of my size. So I have my own list, heavily dependent on the other two to remind me of stuff I forgot (like Tuffley’s list reminded me that we had new (!) Coltrane, and Rob’s list making me aware of the existence of Durand Jones).

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Your Weekend Justice #254: Shooting is Not Meeting

Vintage anthropomorphic Colgate madness!

It’s Weekend Justice: the Internet’s #1 audio trainwreck. This episode is from the archives: recorded in May 2016.

Agenda:

  • Why is Leigh ordering around the guy from the BBC?
  • Jon puts out the lights
  • Lucifer is fun, no matter what wacky moms say
  • The aging of Teenlet
  • Leigh, seeking justice
  • Fear the Walking Dead, getting wet
  • Walking Dead, smacking its audience
  • Doctor Denise gets a harem
  • Fun with Civil War
  • Agents of SHIELD
  • In defense of Fitz & Simmons
  • What turned Howard Stark
  • Black Panther, stealing Civil War
  • Looking forward to Doctor Strange
  • Realism in the MCU, thrown into space
  • Civil War vs. Spectre?
  • The new Entertainment Weekly
  • An upside to Gods of Egypt?
  • Why the Civil War comic is crap
  • Leigh’s meetings are weird
  • Strippers and Demons in a Bottle
  • Hopes for SHIELD
  • Shows we need on Netflix
  • Things not to do in your sleep
  • Zootopia
  • Sorting out Marvel rights (good luck)
  • The legendary G.I. Joe aircraft carrier
  • Christmas spoilers
  • Exploring the EA Vault
  • Sharpening your pinball skills
  • Where Elvira beats Game of Thrones
  • It’s okay to get a house
  • Decadent toothpaste
  • Hallucinating flavors
  • Leigh vs. Kidlet on Judge John Hodgman
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