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HealthSaver commissioned a survey to ask the question: "When it comes to caffeine, which American city wins?"

Okay, well, no, it wasn't exactly phrased like that, you understand. They were trying to find out which city is the most caffeinated. I don't think there was, you know, a trophy or anything involved. Maybe there should be. If there was, then we would definitely need to know so we could gear up for next year.

Anyway. The most caffeinated city is Chicago. The least caffeinated city is San Francisco and Oakland. And considering how much it costs to live in San Fran (and New York City, which was also on the list), I'm surprised anybody there can afford caffeine once they get done paying the rent. So.

As for you folks in Seattle, calm down for a second. The survey covered everything caffeine, "including coffee, tea, sodas, energy drinks, chocolate, pain relievers and caffeine pills." (A list from which I have sampled every category in the last twenty-four hours. How sad is that?) However, if you take just coffee, then you guys win. "58 percent of residents surveyed saying this elixir of alertness would be the most difficult caffeine product to give up." You damn skippy.

The full list of cities they surveyed is below, along with a bunch of other rankings. So if your town isn't listed, then, I dunno, lobby to be included next year. And Atlanta. Fifth place? What's up with that? I live here and we're in fifth place? That means if I moved away you might drop out of the running, just based on my consumption alone. Get with it, folks.

[[ Read the survey results ]]