7个安全技巧为涉及Derren布朗

Derren布朗是英国的(什么我喜欢叫) “mentalist”。 您也许已经看了他执行的mindgrope 西蒙Pegg 或更加普遍的录影他放人入蛇神电子游戏的地方。

基本上，他是非常，非常可怕人。 他是一步从是 X人 恶棍。 实际上，他可能现在是恶棍…，并且可能我们信任自己记住他接管世界？ 我不如此认为。

无论如何，我在英国观看一切人的投入除了他的最新的系列。 那是权利，所有展示，所有专辑，一切。 并且我决定我应该投入Derren我的知识到好用法。 由于他惊吓生存bejeesus在我外面。 并且他应该惊吓同一权利在您外面，也是。 如此我们必须准备自己。

所以，这我的7个安全技巧为涉及Derren布朗。 我设法增加录影记法在必要时我可以如此注重紧急严肃对待我。 井。 有点儿。

1. 不要涉及Derren布朗。

这应该是patently显然的。 但考虑blogs记载patently明显的事每一天，投入他们在名单，并且出版他们，然后生气命中和Diggification他们--嗯，到地狱以它。 但基本上，如果您是在他附近，他可以弄乱您的头。 他可以使您做您什么都通常不会做并且不会认为它的事。 如此，如果您看见他来临，您的最佳事例是走另一个方向。 那没有被保证，因为那可能确切地是什么他想要。 如果那样，您然后性交。

直接链接为feedreaders。

2. 不要去英国。

这不是100%极简单，介意您。 他常常来到状态每。 但他至于大部分似乎满意拧紧以我们的朋友的头脑横跨池塘。 为所有我们知道他真正地跑地方在那边，因为怎么可能我们否则证明？ 授予，如果您已经是在英国，然后这个技巧是相当疑难的： 您应该或者离开，或者您性交。

直接链接为feedreaders。

3. If You Suddenly Find Yourself in the UK, and Derren Approaches, Don't Look at Him.

Looking at him has been known to, in the right circumstances, make you queasy, uneasy, and generally feeling right terrified. If he catches your gaze, whether as part of a "staring competition" or not, then you're fucked. See this bonus bit to understand that you might not even see him coming. So...well, you're fucked either way, aren't you?

Direct link for the feedreaders.

4. If You Cannot Escape Him, Do Not Let Him Touch You.

Apparently his very touch can really make some wild things happen in your brain, as evidenced in this clip below, which is probably the scariest thing I've seen him pull off. If he touches you, even in the most seemingly innocent way, then you're fucked.

Direct link for the feedreaders.

5. If He Manages to Touch You, At Least Keep Him From Taking Hold of Your Wrist.

If you think him just touching you is bad, then if he takes hold of your wrist, then he is about to work the Serious Mojo on you. If Derren was an action figure, Serious Mojo would be his accessory. I have no idea what it would look like, but it would strike fear into the hearts of your other toys. And make them think they were monkeys. When he's got your wrist, that's when he starts saying specific things and specific triggers that could do something seemingly innocent (like with dude below) or turn you into a Manchurian Candidate, a puppet doing only his bidding. If he takes hold of your wrist, you're fucked.

Direct link for the feedreaders.

6. If He Manages to Take Hold of Your Wrist, For the Love of Baby Jesus Don't Let Him Put Your Hand Over Your Face.

Okay, I know that sounds weird, but Derren can apparently put people "under" in two seconds flat. It can be compared to sticking a chicken's head under its wing. You go right out. Now, I'm not exactly sure what fu you would need to stop him from putting your hand over your face at this point, since he does have control of your wrist (and thus the rest of you). I don't even have a "Keep your hand at the level of your eyes" idea, because naturally, that's just a shorter distance to put said hand over your eyes and boom. So just bear in mind at this point, you're fucked.

(Note: Couldn't find a video of this. Funny how this has no documentation to be found easily, doesn't it? HMMMM?)

7. Even If He Doesn't Touch You, Don't Let Him Not Touch You Either.

Yes, this again seems patently obvious, but he's cunning. You might keep him from touching you or grabbing your wrist, but don't think you're in the clear. He might be setting you up for something even more diabolical. He might want you to think you're fine, but then, naturally, you're fucked. Of course, this assumes he'll let you run away.

Direct link for the feedreaders.

So that's it, sports fans. Your best bet is just to stay places where he is not and go nowhere near him in the first place. When his Starro-like takeover of the world happens (assuming it hasn't already), then you'll be the few folks able to hold out until his zombie hordes come and crush you in your hidden lair. Of course, until then it's not safe to pick up the phone (since he can put you to sleep over the line) and it's not even safe to play video games (re: the zombie game), so your best bet is to stay in your bunker and read Needcoffee. We promise to stay as mind control free as possible. Unless he makes us a really good deal. But until then, you're safe with us. Well. Mostly.

• Buy Derren Brown stuff from Amazon UK. Maybe that will appease him and keep him at bay.