Drank – Drink Review

Drank

Yes, I know. You’re wondering, “Widge, have you lost your mind? This is the Lex Luthor of energy drinks and there you are, sipping away on it without a by-your-leave?” Well, listen. You have to know your enemy. That’s all I’m saying. It was with a great deal of curiosity that I snagged a can of this stuff after finally spotting it in the wild. As for what it has going for it, it’s sweetened with sucrose and high fructose corn syrup, and comes with 10mg of valerian root extract, 10mg of rose hips extract and 1mg of melatonin. That’s supposed to be your anti-guarana, I suppose. Also, there’s 100% of B3, B6, B12 and B5.

The taste is like grape soda that somebody mixed incorrectly. It’s not an altogether pleasing taste. And as for the effects, well, I get my roll slowed by alcohol more than this stuff, honestly. I’m also concerned about the ingredients–one of the reasons I stopped taking valerian/melatonin to try and help with my sleep is that most supplements seem to have too much melatonin in them…and I think that 1mg might still be too much. Granted, I’m not a doctor nor do I play one (at least as far as you need to know about) but if I want to overdo it on something, it’ll be a stimulant. That’s just my thing.

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By | 2017-09-24T22:55:08+00:00 January 21st, 2010|Drink Reviews|0 Comments

Vincent Van Gogh Double Espresso Vodka – Review

Vincent Van Gogh Double Espresso Coffee Flavored Vodka

One of the things I can marvel at coming off of my thirteen-year self-imposed health-prescribed alcohol moratorium–apart from the eager proclivity of people to think I’m going to become a lush at the drop of a hat–is the advances in what we can only call “alcohol technology.” When I stopped drinking, an advanced level of alcohol progress was Godschlager (I know it’s actually Goldschlager but shooting back the stuff is like being punched in the face by God, so I’ve always just called it Godschlager). Granted, there might have been amazing bits of alcohol tech back then but…let’s just say I didn’t have a very sophisticated palate. Not that I’m hot shit now, I just can fake it better.

Anyway, thanks to our friend Leigh, enter this jewel into my life: Van Gogh Vodka’s coffee flavored vodka promising Double Espresso and Double Caffeine. I have before wondered about the point of having an alcoholic energy drink–but again, we didn’t have those when I had quit before. I still don’t quite know the point–beyond taste–and the taste is why this drink works for me. It’s got a strong saying-hello-to-your-nostril-hairs vibe to it when you take a sizable sip and yet a sweet caramel coffee-ish taste that comes in after. It’s fine just on its own, even before you start mixing it with other things. I wouldn’t shoot it, frankly, just because it’s fine to sip it. That way you get to enjoy the flavor rather than have it hammer you in the face all at once.

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By | 2017-09-24T23:00:27+00:00 August 9th, 2009|Drink Reviews|3 Comments

Wendy’s Coffee Toffee Twisted Frosty – Drink Review

Wendy's Coffee Toffee Twisted Frosty

Two things I have a weakness for have combined forces under the Wendy’s logo in order to make my arse even wider than it already is. Dastardly.

And honestly, the only disappointing thing about the Coffee Toffee Twisted Frosty is the name. Because if you can say it out loud without feeling foolish then, well, good on you. When I ordered it I left out the “twisted” part. I figure it’s inherent: if you really want an milkshake-ish drink that tastes like a touch of coffee added to chocolate with bits of broken-up toffee in it, then you’re already pretty twisted.

The drink itself is tasty. It’s sugary and has a nice coffee mocha taste to it, which is punctuated every time you suck a fragment of toffee up the straw. (I eschew spoons when it comes to Frostys. I know, I’m weird like that.)

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By | 2017-09-24T23:02:38+00:00 June 6th, 2009|Drink Reviews|3 Comments

Nite Owl Dark Roast – Review

Watchmen: Nite Owl Coffee

So amidst all the hoohah about Watchmen-branded items flooding the world as the film prepares to open this coming weekend, we had a couple of things fall into our jurisdiction. I haven’t seen them produce the obvious, easy and obligatory Doc Manhattan Energy Drink (flavored blue raspberry of course) or Black Freighter Energy Brew or Veidt Cola (and I’m a little surprised they haven’t)…and ScottC hasn’t reported back with his Dr. Manhattan condom review yet, but we do have Nite Owl Dark Roast coffee.

The whole Watchmen aspect of this is pretty much a wash. I mean, honestly, it’s coffee. It’s not like grinding, brewing and drinking this gave me any flashbacks to the graphic novel or anything like that. Which means it’s novelty coffee. So the can–with the picture of Nite Owl on it, the Veidt Enterprises logo and such–is just something that, once the coffee’s gone, you’ll store pens in.

As for the coffee, it is organic. And that’s good, because I’ve been a little organic-conscious since I bit into an apple one time and tasted yummy chemicals! So that’s been on my mind. This stuff is provided by the Organic Coffee Cartel, in fact, and it isn’t bad. You would think with the amount of coffee that I drink I would be an expert on the taste of coffee. Sadly, that’s not the case, and that’s why you don’t get a lot of coffee reviews on the site. Coffee is a caffeine delivery mechanism and little else, and as such, it falls into three categories for me. One, the really good tasting stuff–usually the very expensive stuff. Two, the really awfully bad tasting stuff. And three, the vast range of coffee that falls squarely between those two. And this Nite Owl coffee falls squarely in the middle of that middle bucket. Which makes for a short review. Is it decent? Yes. Does it change the face of coffee as you know it? No. Will the can hold pens? Sure.

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By | 2017-09-24T23:05:38+00:00 February 28th, 2009|Drink Reviews|3 Comments

Full Throttle Coffee Drinks – Review

Full Throttle Coffee

There are some wonderful things in the world. Lots of them, in fact. And when they get together, generally, it’s cause for celebration. That’s why I feel helplessly drawn to anything that uses both “coffee” and “energy beverage” to describe itself. Hence, when I saw Full Throttle had a new Coffee line of drinks, I was all over it. I snagged a sample of all three flavors: dulce de leche/caramel, mocha and vanilla. In theory, it should be a match made in heaven. Skim milk, so it’s not too fattening (we don’t want to think about this too much–bear in mind I drank all three of these damn things). Real sugar. All three come with ginseng, guarana extract, and 200% of your RDA for both B6 and niacin.

So what’s the result? Odd. First, they’re incredibly sweet tasting. To the point where you keep checking: this is sugar, right? Then you lay down on top of that the respective flavoring for the three variations and that is the second taste you’re hit with. And those two things are overwhelming to the point where I honestly couldn’t tell you if the coffee bit was any good or not. It’s like the coffee is an afterthought.

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By | 2017-09-24T23:05:40+00:00 February 27th, 2009|Drink Reviews|4 Comments

The Energy Drink Formerly Known as Cocaine – Drink Review

No Name Cocaine Energy Drink

Cocaine Energy Drink has had an interesting life. It was released and then a bunch of people got their panties in a twist concerning the name. So they came out as a “No Name” energy drink, with a place where you could write your own name on the can. Then Cocaine proper returned at last. So imagine my surprise when I ran across a can of the No Name stuff at a convenience store. Don’t worry, I checked the expry date and it was still quite good.

Now, back in the day when Redux sent me some of this, I plugged it on the old Gabfest. But finding it in its transitional phase made me inspired to try it again and write up a proper review.

The drink itself is formidable in its content: it has as sweeteners dextrose, inositol and sucralose. It has 750mg of taurine, 100mg of the inositol, 300% of your RDA of B6, 600% of B12, and 100% of your C. Plus 50mg of L-Carnitine, 250mg of D-Ribose and a whopping 280mg of caffeine.

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By | 2017-09-24T23:06:20+00:00 February 7th, 2009|Drink Reviews|3 Comments

Bad Boy Power Drink – Review

Bad Boy Power Drink

Who the hell is Bad Boy? I mean, besides a foe of the Legion of Substitute Heroes? And why would they want to put out a “power drink,” now that the energy drink market is flooded with the stuff? Well, we need to not say too many bad things about them, since if you go to badboy.com, like it says on the can, we find “Bad Boy provides martial arts athletes with the most innovative, high quality, performance products designed to benefit the athlete in both training and competition.”

Jesus. Bad Boy has a legion of fu on their side. So we’ll choose our words very carefully.

Ingredients first. 100% RDA of B6, B12, Niacin and Riboflavin. It does have real sugar and also “glucuronolactone,” which is a word so complicated I can’t even think up a joke about it, even though it just begs one, doesn’t it? The ever accurate Wikipedia lists this as “a naturally occurring chemical compound produced by the metabolism of glucose in the human liver.” Having no idea what that means in a medical sense, let’s just move on.

The most frustrating thing is that I can’t tell exactly how much caffeine is in this thing. The can doesn’t list it, the official site doesn’t seem to list it…nothing.

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By | 2017-09-24T23:06:31+00:00 January 31st, 2009|Drink Reviews|3 Comments

CoMotion Energy Drink Review

CoMotion Energy Drink

CoMotion bills itself as “2x Energy,” which makes sense as its ingredients list is pretty formidable: coming in your 8.4 oz can, you get a total caffeine content of 160mg. It has a who’s who of stuff I like to see in my drinks, like 200mg of yerba mate, and 70 mg of guarana. It also has 1000mg of taurine, 50mg of rooibos, 50mg of ginkgo biloba, 50mg of panax ginseng, and 50mg of schisandra berry. Plus 100% of your C RDA, 100% of B3, 190% of B6 and 4410% of B12. It’s like somebody put together an energy drink ingredient supergroup, isn’t it?

It also manages to do this with a bit of sucralose and still manages to not completely suck, because they use crystalline fructose and something called palatinose to mask the sucralose crap taste. What is palatinose? “PALATINOSEâ„¢ is the only low glycemic carbohydrate providing longer lasting energy in the form of glucose,” the official website tells us. Sounds impressive. It manages to seem like it’s going to suck, with its dragon fruit flavor–but the other two sweeteners beat the sucralose into submission. Granted, it’s very, very sweet–so if that’s not your bag, then you might want to pass. But me, I’m very pleased by this.

I’m pleased because the drink actually has a reasonable amount of energy-providing power–I actually grabbed this during a long drive and it helped wake my ass back up. So the boost pushes it up and over the unfortunate sucralose inclusion and the odd sweetness doesn’t detract. Although the slight taste of the sucralose each time had me wincing, thinking it was about to pounce on my tongue and poke it with sticks like it normally does. I’d say give it a try.

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By | 2017-09-24T23:06:39+00:00 January 25th, 2009|Drink Reviews|3 Comments

Happy Boost – Drink Review

Happy Boost

Happy Boost is a drink that promises support of “Healthy Moods, Energy + Libido.” Which makes it an energy drink of sorts, which puts it squarely in our jurisdiction. This even though it actually has no caffeine in it, so no real stimulants except for goji, which is what the company terms as a “Superfruit.” Since they’re relying on it to be the Boost in this particular drink, it better be.

The taste is not bad–it’s got pear, pomegranate, cherry, cranberry and prickly pear juices in addition to the goji, plus green tea as well. I can taste a bit of the cherry and pomegranate–and I’m assuming the strange (but not unpleasant) taste is the goji, since there’s supposed to be 24,000mg of the stuff in here. It is, after all, 98% juice.

As nice a taste as it is, though, does it actually deliver on its promise of supporting the big three up top? Eh. Not really. I received not even the ghost of a blip on my scope–and since we’re not dealing with caffeine it’s not really a tolerance issue. At the end of the bottle I was just as fatigued as when I started it–and even waiting a while to see if anything “kicked in” didn’t work.

Here’s the other thing that I find a little odd: the drink says, in its explanation of what goji is, that it’s “been used for 4,000 years to support positive moods, healthy aging, eye health, healthy energy levels, liver and kidney health, and more.” The website says it has “been used in traditional Chinese medicine for over 3,000 years to help support such things as a healthy immune function, healthy moods (known as the “Happy Berry”), libido, energy levels, resistance to fatigue and is most commonly known as an anti-aging “super” food.” That’s a bit of an odd difference in years, although technically correct: 4000 is over 3000.

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By | 2017-09-24T23:08:39+00:00 December 13th, 2008|Drink Reviews|0 Comments

Bom Dia: Acai Energy: Transcend & Conquer – Drink Review

Bom Dia: Acai Energy: Transcend and Conquer

So Bom Dia, the people who bring you many different pricey but tasty acai drinks (and yes, I know it’s really açaí, but you know what I’m saying–and acai is easier to type), now has a couple of flavors designated as “all natural energy.” That puts them squarely in our jurisdiction, so here goes.

Acai Energy: Transcend is the one in the green and is an “all natural juice blend.” And it’s 100% juice so that’s something. Yes, if you haven’t figured out that you need to check the percentage of what’s actually juice on the juices you buy, well, now you know. It’s got among its ingredients: acai juice, green tea, guarana, apple juice, raspberry juice, “natural flavors,” merlot grape juice, taurine, Vitamin C (100% RDA), mangosteen puree, L-Theanine (an amino acid, apparently), and B6 and B12 (300% RDA for each of those), along with 25% RDA of Vitamin K, and something called yumberry juice.

Now you know how you see some information about a product and think: okay, you’re just making shit up now? Yeah. Yumberries. Seriously? Apparently so. The somewhat reliable Wikipedia lists yumberry as an known alias of Myrica rubra. Which sounds so much like a Lucasian alien bounty hunter name–wasn’t that the lizard guy? Anyway. If your name was myrica rubra you’d stick with yumberry too. Although I have this sick desire for yumberries to taste horrible, just for the sheer irony of it. Imagine that lesson when you were a little kid: “Have a yumberry!” “Blech! This tastes like poo!” “Just preparing you for the rest of your life there, Junior.”

What the hell was I talking about? Oh yes. The drink.

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By | 2017-09-24T23:09:08+00:00 December 6th, 2008|Drink Reviews|1 Comment