I joke on this site a lot about health, even though health is actually important to me. Since, you know, health is what's standing between me and the long, long dirt nap, I do have an appreciation for health. I do enjoy a lot of unhealthy things and I admittedly drink more energy drinks than I probably should. But I'm an adult, at least physically, and I know what I'm doing. Mostly.

Still, when you get an energy drink that is courting people who want to sleep less and still stay healthy--a tough demographic seeing as how many would consider the two items to be mostly mutually exclusive--I do pay attention. That's the case with Function Drinks. On the label it goes to great lengths to separate itself from its energy drink brethren. "All Natural," it says at the top. "Created by Physicians." The label also says "Get up and keep going with the first time-release formula for long-lasting energy. The all-natural combo of catuaba, muira pauma, epimedium, and yerba mate provides stamina for 6 to 8 hours." In addition to those neat things, the proprietary blend on back lists caffeine and guarana extract as well. And sure enough, the sugar we're dealing with here is natural evaporated cane sugar instead of, you know, crap. Yerba mate, guarana and caffeine--all good things. Catuaba? Is used for aphrodisiacs? Interesting...what about muira pauma? Used to increase sexual desire and libido? Um. Okay...epimedium? It's another name for Horny Goat Weed? What exactly were these physicians doing while creating this, I wonder...?

The flavor, for the record is "Tangerine-Yuzu." Which is not, also for the record, the demon from The Exorcist, although it has been mistaken for Pazuzu at parties.

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