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07.31.08 by Widge @ 5:23 am  There's a problem when it comes to reviewing caffeinated water. Not a problem with the water, mind you, but just a problem reviewing it. Because it's not going to be a very long review. The questions are 1) does it caffeinate and B) does it taste like water? Okay, so...yes and yes! Thank you, Detroit! Good night! Oh hell, you're still here. Fine, I'll expound. There's a problem when shoving caffeine into things. Because caffeine has a taste. And speaking from the point of view of someone who has tasted more than more small nation-states have--it's not a pleasant taste. Granted, when it's four in the morning and you still have four more hours of driving, you don't really care. And that's how you can convince yourself to eat an XTZ 250mg-packed monstro-choco-mint. So you have to find the right balance of taste and caffeine. And here, Fyxx has set themselves up because the bloody bottle says quite clearly: TASTES LIKE WATER. And it does. They've managed to take 110mg of caffeine and get the right sort of spring water where you taste spring water and not caffeine. 110mg of caffeine in 20 ounces of water. Not too shabby. Now that's not to say there's no taste at all, but it's like how most water comes with some taste in there. It's certainly not off-putting and it's certainly not the taste of caffeine. So that's what really matters. And with that much caffeine, it will be enough to buzz most people and was enough to at least prop my eyelids open a bit--which for me is saying something. If you're looking for caffeinated water and you don't want to make it yourself or you just need a grab and go solution then Fyxx will do you up properly. They're right in that sometimes you just don't want all of the sugar and high fructose stuff that comes with a lot of energy drinks--and when that's the case, Fyxx will fill the gap. Categorized as: Drinks and Reviews
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07.15.08 by Widge @ 2:12 pm  The FDA has decided that high fructose corn syrup can be considered natural. This decision was "welcomed" by the Corn Refiners Association for all of two minutes, before they returned to making corn for fuel. Now, in all seriousness, I don't pretend to understand whether or not this is accurate. I barely made it past chemistry and I have a degree in English, which means I'm qualified to spell "high fructose corn syrup" and run a website. And flip burgers. Also, I understand that this is the FDA, a part of the U.S. Government, the same people who brought you the TSA and the IRS. I'm not one of these delusional people who expect quality from a different aspect of the government. To me that's like saying, "Well, you know, if I enter Krystal through the west door then the burgers are magically healthier!" Anyway, I digress. There's nothing really new under the sun--smart people read the labels for things no matter how "Natural" it looks and less clever people take labels at their word. So the fact that high fructose corn syrup products, actually natural or not, can now call themselves "natural" really doesn't affect you or me. I mean, Phantom Menace said it was a Star Wars film on the label, and it's far worse for you than Coke. Categorized as: Drinks
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06.23.08 by Widge @ 5:46 am  Oh, Starbucks, what have you done? This is their new coffee energy beverage. I snagged both the mocha and the vanilla flavored variations. They sport guarana (90mg), ginseng (325mg) and B vitamins (200% of your B6 RDA and 100% of your B12 RDA). No word about how much caffeine on the can, but Energy Fiend (the authority on such matters), tells us that 225mg awaits you in each one. Trouble is, they taste like ass. How to describe the experience of trying to drink these things to you… Let's see: imagine you've tried to laminate the inside of your mouth and throat with a terrible plastic that tastes of sweet chemicals. Nay, not tried. Succeeded. You sip and you think surely, surely this can't be right. And it's not. Because when I say laminate, I mean you're going to be stuck with this dreadful fake taste in your mouth for a while afterwards. Best of luck with that. Categorized as: Drinks and Reviews
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06.07.08 by Widge @ 9:01 pm  Well, frankly, I didn't even know they had a "passion fruit" variation of Jolt, but I've been fond of Jolt since high school, so I figured I'd give it a go. It comes in their 23.5 oz. battery can, which I still get amused by. As for how it tastes...well, it's got the regular Jolt underpinnings but with the passion fruit taste laid over the top of it instead of the cola taste. You probably could have guessed that without me having to relate it to you, but that's not the end of it. The fact is it does feel like it's just laid over the top of it. It's not necessarily a taste that makes you run for the exits, like something with Splenda in it, for example. But it's not exactly the sort of drink you'd pine for after it was gone. It's just...sort of there. Doesn't do a lot to impress. Perhaps if you're a big fan of passion fruit, this might crank your tractor more than it did mine. But the taste just simply doesn't thrill me. It just seems like some sort of generic fake fruity flavor on my tongue. Speaking of cranking, Energy Fiend (the net authority on such matters), tells us that we're looking at 220mg of caffeine for this can (which says it contains 3 servings). But I didn't feel that much of a pickup, even after drinking the whole thing. Granted, even after my stint away from caffeine for medical reasons, I felt no real surge from this at all. Those with less tolerance might have a better time with it. While I applaud Wet Planet and Jolt for screwing around with flavor experiments, I'd take the original over this any day of the week.
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06.05.08 by Widge @ 12:20 pm  Superman has Lex Luthor. Spider-Man has The Green Goblin. Wolverine has Sabretooth. Except when Sabretooth is a good guy, and then Wolverine has whoever's fault the goddamn bone claws were. Anyway, my point is that every great hero has his antithesis, his Other, his archfoe. And it looks like Red Bull and Jolt are going to have to fight over who gets this one: Drank. Instead of caffeine, guarana and taurine, Drank comes with melatonin, valerian root and rose hips. It's apparently based on a drink called "Purple Drank," which includes cough syrup. I must say that I agree with the commenter on The Consumerist (where we found this), who thought we already had an anti-energy drink called "beer." And as silly as it sounds to have an anti-energy drink--I don't know about you, but I don't need any help getting sleepy--at least it has a purpose that makes sense. What gets me are the alcoholic energy drinks. Mixing a depressant and a stimulant would seem to me to put you right back where you started--utterly pointless. Categorized as: Drinks
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