Posted on
06.12.05 by Siege @ 5:52 am  Written by: Simon Kinberg Review: There are few things hotter than a woman who can look good with the faint gleam of bloodlust in her eye. It's true that sex drives this movie, but it has other quality features. Like the complete destruction of everything in sight. Or hand to hand combat that severely pushes the limits of chivalry. Go see it if you want to be entertained. Not enlightened. Fun Drinking Game of the Week: Take a drink whenever you recognize a shot used by a tabloid as proof of Pitt's infidelity! Time: 21 seconds Categorized as: Movies and Reviews
|
Posted on
04.10.05 by Widge @ 1:43 am  This review of the Hitchhiker's Guide movie is pretty damn damning. Why should you care? Well, because it's written by a Douglas Adams biographer, M.J. Simpson. Spoiler-ridden, but there's a link there to a non-spoiler version if you're so reclined. Categorized as: Headsup and Movies and Stimuli
|
Posted on
12.26.04 by Widge @ 2:54 am 
Written by: Wes Anderson & Noah Baumbach My Advice: Skip it. Steve Zissou (Murray) is in more than a rut...he's in the Marianas Trench, practically. His underwater documentaries haven't been well received in years, his wife (Huston) is this close to walking out on him, his crew is suffering from terrifically low morale, a reporter (Blanchett) has shown up to write an article that could either break or break him, and some guy (Wilson) has shown up who may or may not be his son. And worst of all, his long-time compadre (Seymour Cassel) was eaten by a very rare jaguar shark. There's only one thing to do: rally the troops and go seek revenge on said shark. Well, this is a painful review to write. After overcoming the profoundly unfunny Bottle Rocket to deliver two sublime pieces of film, Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums, Anderson steers his star-studded fourth feature right back into unfunny hell. The thing about an Anderson film, and what makes it effective, is that it takes place in a world that's just slightly more askew than our own. Things are odd, but not so odd that it feels unrealistic. The characters in this world are also rather odd, but not so much so that you can't recognize them as people you could know in your real life. Because this is played just a little bit off kilter, when the weird shit happens (a rich businessman decides to build a giant aquarium or a guest arrives late at a wedding party high out of his mind and driving a car into the building), you take it in stride. Categorized as: Movies and Reviews
|
Posted on
04.16.04 by Widge @ 12:25 am 
Written & Directed by Quentin Tarantino When we last left our heroine, The Bride (Thurman), she had opened up twin cans of whoopass on two of her former teammates, Vernita (Vivica A. Fox) and O-Ren (Lucy Liu). And who can blame her? These are two of the people that crashed her wedding by massacring everyone present and putting The Bride in a coma for four years. Now there's two other former compatriots left...and Bill (Carradine). And well, you know what the title is. The good news is that the second installment is a worthy ending to this two-parter. The three main villains, Bill, Elle (Hannah) and Budd (Madsen) are like a container of dangerous Neapolitan ice cream. Madsen plays redneck dangerous, Elle plays bitter, vengeful dangerous and Carradine goes for the quiet, zen-like, I-could-kill-your-ass-at-fifty-yards-with-a-credit-card deadly. They're all very effective and believable. And they also make formidable enemies for our already kill-crazy Bride--which is a very good thing, since after The House of Blue Leaves, what could be worse? Well, there are answers to that, oh yes. As for Thurman, she's still so perfect it hurts, showing off her acting chops in these two films like never before. Categorized as: Movies and Reviews
|
Posted on
12.07.03 by Widge @ 7:55 am 
Directed by Brian DePalma Starring Gary Sinise, Connie Nielsen, Don Cheadle, Jerry O'Connell, Tim Robbins My Advice: Wait for Cable. Luke Graham (Cheadle) has been tapped to lead the first manned mission to Mars. His friend Woody (Robbins) is going to lead the second wave of exploration and research. Their compatriot Jim (Sinise) had to drop out of the running to be first man on Mars due to the loss of a loved one. Everything looks like it's great for Luke and his crew, but then something goes wrong and contact with the Mars Base Camp is lost. Now the Mars 2 Mission has a different objective: rescue. All I can really say for the film is this: they meant well. In trying to address exploration of Mars and the origin of the human species, they picked some really nice big targets to shoot for. And it looked like they had everything lined up: good FX, kick-ass cast, A-list guy handling the musical score, and what would seem on the surface to be a decent story. So why is the end result a pretty-looking piece of melodramatic tripe? Well, let's see how it is in reality. Categorized as: Movies
|
Posted on
11.05.03 by Widge @ 2:30 am  
Written & Directed by The Brothers Wachowski My Advice: Rent the DVD when it comes out for the FX, otherwise skip it. We're right where we left off in the last film: Neo (Reeves) is in a coma, Bane (Ian Bliss) has somehow gotten Agent Smith (Weaving) inside of him, Zion is about to get its tits shot off, and Morpheus (Fishburne) is feeling like a dumbass because, seemingly, the Oracle (now played by Alice after the untimely death of Gloria Foster) lied. Now Neo's lost somewhere between worlds and if he doesn't get back soon, then the human race is toast. Congratulations, Brothers Wachowski! You've given us the worst third movie in a series since Superman III. Or, since you're comic fans, I'll put it another way: you've given us the cinematic equivalent of Secret Wars II. After the completely brilliant setup of the second film, the brothers manage to fumble the ball in a spectacular, tragic way. The first film set up everything, the second debunked the first film and the third film manages to disappoint almost from jump: after a completely pointless opening sequence, the highlight of which is people running upside down and shooting, we're treated to an endless series of missed opportunities. All of those neat questions you conceived from the enigmas in the second film? None of them are answered. And they're not even not-answered in that, "Ooh, we're being mysterious and mystical and cheerily obtuse" way--you know, the one that can be endearing and thought-provoking. No, no. They're just not addressed. At all. Which is amazing, considering that this film is even "talkier" than the second--the difference being the second film's dialogue had meat to it. This time around, we're given nothing but third-rate overwrought "heart felt" garbage, with none of the philosophy or banter that makes the series function. Categorized as: Movies
|
Posted on
07.12.03 by JM Tuffley @ 6:13 am 
Written by: James Robinson, based on the comic book series by Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill My Advice: Don't even think about it…. The European Nations have been manipulated to the brink of war. The British government, however, is on to said manipulation and puts the call out to a collection of "gothic curiosities" and one formerly bona fide hero. These individuals you might recognize: Allan Quatermain (Connery); Captain Nemo (Shah); Mina Harker (Wilson); Tom Sawyer (West); Dorian Gray (Townsend); Dr. Henry Jekyll (Flemyng) and The Invisible Man (Curran). This--in a nutshell--describes both the film and the comic series The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Mostly. Categorized as: Movies and Reviews
|
Posted on
06.21.03 by Thespia @ 2:03 am 
Written by: Jeremy Leven, Rob Reiner, Adam Scheinman & Andy Scheinman My Advice: Matinee. Alex Sheldon (Wilson) is a young novelist who has failed to write anything substantial for quite some time. To make things worse, he has fallen into debt with some loan sharks, and can only satisfy them by producing a new best seller…in thirty days. To help him with his Herculean labor, Alex hires Emma Dinsmore (Hudson) to take down his hurried dictation. Together, the two struggle with writer's block, threats from the Cuban mafia, and an unexpected romance. The element missing most from this film is a sense of balance. The story alternates between the plot of Alex's novel and his relationship with Emma, but the focus is so heavily placed on the fictional characters that the romance between Alex and Emma seems almost like an afterthought. Apart from the insinuated parallels between the two stories, the protagonists' relationship receives only short moments in the spotlight, once in the middle of the film and again at the end, which is simply too late. It is difficult to suddenly start caring about what will happen to them just because the movie is almost over. Categorized as: Movies and Reviews
|
Posted on
05.16.03 by Widge @ 8:30 pm 
Written and Directed by: The Brothers Wachowski My Advice: Don't Miss It. In the latest installment, Neo (Reeves), having recently found out that he's the savior of the human race (no pressure!), is having troubles sleeping. He keeps having dreams that his girlfriend and fellow asskicker, Trinity (Moss), is meeting her demise at the hands of Agents. Still with Morpheus (Fishburne) and now new crew member, Link (Perrineau), they're all waiting for word from the Oracle (Gloria Foster) as to what the hell it is they're supposed to do next. However, they're going to be given some trouble by a rival captain in the human resistance (Harry Lennix) and also the return of Agent Smith (Weaving), who's learned some new and deadly tricks. I was afraid of this film; I admit it. I was afraid mostly because so much time had elapsed since the first film and so much had changed in the cinema, that the Wachowskis would miss their window of opportunity. Instead, I'm pleased to report, they pulled it off. One half of it, anyway. And the testicular fortitude required to pull off the film I've just seen boggles the mind. They knew the standard had been raised and they met it and leapt right over it. Categorized as: Movies and Reviews
|
Posted on
03.28.03 by Bailey @ 2:36 am 
Written by: Cooper Layne & John Rogers My Advice: Matinee. The Earth is dying. A strange unexplained shift in the rotation of the earth's liquid outer core--which is different from the inner core, but still at the core--is causing havoc for the inhabitants of the surface world. That's us, for those of you following along at home. So what is a team of brilliant scientist backed by all the industrial nations of the world and the might of the U.S. military going to do? Yep, you guessed it. Save six billion people. I only say it like that because rarely in the movie did they say "save the world." It was usually save six billion people, with utterly no regard for the twenty-four million domesticated dogs in the world, or cats, bats, lowland water buffaloes or any other species of life on the planet. But I'm just being picky; back to the movie. Categorized as: Movies and Reviews
|
|
|
