Needcoffee.com - Ten Years of Insomnia: 1998-2008!
27 Second Review: Fantastic Four
Posted on 07.09.05 by Siege @ 2:03 am

Written by: Michael France and Mark Frost, based on the characters created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby
Directed by: Tim Story
Starring: Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, Julian McMahon

Review: Any movie based on a Marvel comic is a flip of the coin. This is the one that bounces off your shoe and rolls into the gutter, and later turns up tails. It certainly wasn't the "so good it makes you want to punch a nun" side, but it wasn't entirely the "don't go near it without a rabies shot" side. It was mostly bad, but the effects kick it up a little. Might want to get the rabies shot anyway though. Never can be too careful.

Time: 18 seconds

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Categorized as: Movies and Reviews
Comments: None





War of the Worlds (2005) - 27 Second Review
Posted on 07.02.05 by Siege @ 12:00 am
War of the Worlds movie poster

Written by: Joseph Friedman & David Koepp, based on the novel by H.G. Wells
Directed by: Steven Spielberg
Starring: Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Tim Robbins, Justin Chatwin, Miranda Otto

Review: Spielberg brought us a walking scrotum that heals with a touch, some human abductors who play the trombone, and communication through mashed potatoes. Honestly, for all I know this movie might have sucked horribly, I didn't notice. Because of all that goes BOOM! Hahaha! BOOM! Just like that! Go see what it truly means to rip them a new asshole! Hahahahaha! BOOM!

Time: 18 seconds (more or less...my stopwatch went BOOM! Mahahaha!)

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Categorized as: Movies and Reviews
Comments: None



27 Second Review: Land of the Dead
Posted on 06.29.05 by Siege @ 11:03 pm

Written & Directed by: George Romero
Starring: Simon Baker, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper, Asia Argento, Robert Joy, Pedro Miguel Arce

Review: Wow. A modern Zombie movie, that didn't hail from Britain...and it didn't suck balls! I'm stunned. Romero held true to his previous works, and our fears were laid to rest. Now we get to start fearing the fifth movie. This one's worth seeing just for Pillsbury. You'll understand when you see it, just trust me.

Time: 13 seconds

Categorized as: Movies and Reviews
Comments: None



Batman Begins (2005) - 27 Second Review
Posted on 06.26.05 by Siege @ 10:52 pm
Batman Begins poster

Written by: David S. Goyer & Christopher Nolan, based on a story by Goyer, which was in turn based on the character created by Bob Kane
Directed by: Christopher Nolan
Starring: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Cillian Murphy, Gary Oldman, Rutger Hauer, Katie Holmes

Review: We were all cautious about a new Batman movie, because its predecessors were below utter and complete crap (are you thinking bat-nipples? of course you are). But hey, I liked this one. They did a good job going dark, and I don't care what any traditionalist says, the new Batmobile kicks jolly amounts of ass over the old one.

Time: 14 seconds

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Categorized as: Movies and Reviews
Comments: None



Land of the Dead (2005) - Movie Review
Posted on 06.24.05 by Widge @ 9:51 pm
Land of the Dead movie poster art

Written & Directed by George A. Romero
Starring Simon Baker, Dennis Hopper, John Leguizamo, Robert Joy, Asia Argento, Eugene Clark

My Advice: Solid matinee.

Time has passed since the zombie outbreak began. What humans remain have walled and fenced in cities and hired folks with lots of guns to keep them safe. In one city, Fiddler's Green is the luxury highrise that sits at the center, overseen by Kaufman (Hopper). He controls and pays for everything, including the squads who go out into the smaller towns for supply raids. However, there's unrest in the streets, as those who aren't in Kaufman's favor are pissed at being fed table scraps. Also, the undead are getting pissed off as well...

Okay, time for some history. Twenty years ago, Day of the Dead hit. It was 1985. Romero threatened a fourth movie: Twilight of the Dead. I held out hope, even after hearing about rights issues and budget issues...even when Romero was unable to get distribution for Bruiser. When I first started at Corona's Coming Attractions, that magnificent (and now very dead) website, this was the first movie page I ever drafted. So basically, I have been waiting...patiently...for twenty fucking years for this movie. And thanks to the efforts of those glorious Brits behind 28 Days Later and Shaun of the Dead, making zombie movies is profitable again. And here we are.

[[ Review continues ]]

Categorized as: Movies and Reviews
Comments: 5 Comments



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