Hello everyone. T.V. Smith here, and I am about to share with you the world-wide exclusive transcript of my discussion with Dr. Phillip Azore of the Centre of Mesoamerican Studies, based out of El Jefito, Costa Rica. What we're discussing are the Costa Rican spheres, left there by...well, no one is sure. No one--until Dr. Azore that is--has had any clue of where the spheres came from. They are multi-ton, almost perfectly spherical (within a few millimeters) balls of granite. And scientists agree that their creation had to have used technology beyond what Mesoamerican peoples had available to them. Dr. Azore has a startling new theory about what these spheres mean. Rather than belabor the point, let's go straight to the transcript. This interview was conducted via telephone from Dr. Azore's investigative camp near Palmar Sur.

SMITH: Good afternoon, Dr. Azore.

AZORE: Yes, hello. Is...is the connection all right?

SMITH: Quite good, Dr. Azore. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk with us.

AZORE: My pleasure.

SMITH: For those of our readers who aren't familiar with the spheres down there in Costa Rica, could you give us just a quick summary of what they're all about?

AZORE: Well, yes, certainly. In Costa Rica, there are giant spheres of solid granite that are perfectly round. Round to within a few millimeters of perfection. They were first brought to the attention of the world when the United Fruit Company purchased extremely large tracts of land down here. The first findings were published in 1943. Then, a few years later, they came to the attention of Samuel K. Lothrop, from Harvard. He determined, as others have after him, that these spheres pre-date any and all known civilization we know about in this area of the world.

SMITH: So have they been dated?

AZORE: Well, yes, using what was found around the spheres. But regardless, the civilizations we do know about--they wouldn't have had access to the type of engineering prowess it would take to create them. Have you seen them?

SMITH: Only pictures. I read an article in Madison magazine that alerted me to their existence, and I wanted to know more.

AZORE: Some of these objects weigh as much as twenty tons. And luckily, thanks to Lothrop, we have maps with exact locations of the spheres that he had found.

SMITH: I understand that many of the best spheres have been removed.

AZORE: Yes. Sold to collectors on other continents to appear in their gardens and whatnot. Disgusting. Still others have been destroyed.

SMITH: Destroyed?

AZORE: Yes. There were local legends that the centers were solid gold, so--you know, a little bit of TNT and--they're gone.

SMITH: That's terrible.

AZORE: Well, the good news is that the Landmarks Foundation has come in and made great steps toward protecting the ones that are left and uncovering more.

SMITH: Now, if you would please, tell us what your studies have led you to believe are the origins of these giant spheres.

AZORE: Well, frankly, the gods of the Mesoamericans, before they vacated this planet, left their testicles here for safekeeping.

[Stunned silence.]

AZORE: Are you still there?

SMITH: Um...yes, yes, right here. Sorry.

AZORE: I know, I felt the same way when the epiphany hit me. But think about it--some of them are twenty tons! Would you want to carry that much weight when you travel?

SMITH: Um...

AZORE: Especially...you know, down there?

SMITH: I guess not.

AZORE: Of course not. After I came to this conclusion, I began to look at the artwork depicting the gods of this region-- and guess what? Most representations? No balls.

SMITH: I see. Safekeeping, though. I mean...it doesn't seem particularly safe if people are...you know...

AZORE: Dynamiting a god's testicle?

SMITH: Well...yes.

AZORE: Oh, I know. When they return they are going to be righteously pissed.

SMITH: Return?

AZORE: I'm getting ahead of myself. I apologize. You see, Professor Ivar Zapp--who has taught a class on the spheres for some time now--took a close look at the positioning of the spheres and learned that they, in triangular groups, point to Easter Island, another to the strait of Gibraltar, and also the Pyramids at Giza. Not to mention Stonehenge. I believe that the gods meant for their balls to be transported to these places to be reunited with the rest of them.

SMITH: And when do you figure upon this reunion taking place?

AZORE: I believe that is what the Mayans were cluing into with the end of their calendar in the year 2012. In 2012, the gods return, and if they don't find their balls where they wanted them kept--well, I don't know exactly what's going to happen, but if they have to go searching for their testes, it's going to be rough, as you can well imagine. Imagine a god showing up at some rich guy's sculpture garden in Europe, demanding the return of one of his balls.

SMITH: So...what steps are you taking to...ah...reunite these spheres with their rightful owners in...eleven years?

AZORE: Well, we've been trying to raise monies to get them all transported to these other places--the Reunion Sites, we're calling them. But it's been slow going. This is not a theory that is looked upon kindly by the mainstream science community. But we're learning more each day, and I hope to publish my findings in Nature within a year's time.

SMITH: Excellent. Dr. Azore, I do appreciate you taking your time to explain your theories to us. Please keep us posted as to your progress.

AZORE: Thank you, Mr. Smith. Anytime.