Connie and Carla (2004)
Film:
DVD:

Written by Nia Vardalos
Directed by Michael Lembeck
Starring Nia Vardalos, Toni Collette, David Duchovny, Stephen Spinella, Dash Mihok

Features:

• Deleted scenes
  
• Bonus musical scenes
  
• Outtakes
  
• Making-of docu
  
• Drag featurette
  
• Debbie Reynolds featurette
  
• Running audio commentary with director Lembeck and scribe/actor Vardalos
  

Released by: Universal
Rating: PG-13
Region: 1
Anamorphic: Yes.

My Advice: Rent it if you must.

Connie and Carla (Vardalos and Collette) are two dinner theatre-level actresses who are dreaming of making it big. At the moment, they are content to perform for travelers on a layover at the airport in Chicago. However, they see something they should not and flee to L.A., where they both A) want to realize their dream of performing and 2) get in disguise so they can stay alive. They find their way into a drag bar and decide to "go native," as it were. So they're girls posing as guys posing as girls, but the bad guys are still after them.

Well, the film's premise seems to just drip comedic potential. It's a madcap Victor/Victoria: you can get gender humor, show tunes, goofy guys with guns and more--can't lose, right? Well, sorry, think again. And the main problem is that the film is too cute. If it had just been cute, it would have been tolerable, but instead it overshoots and becomes cloyingly, disgustingly cute. Collette and Vardalos never miss an opportunity to give that head thrown back, mouth wide open to the point where they seem like a refugee from V, laugh-take. They also never miss an opportunity to call each other by their first names--does anyone human talk like this? I just wanted to slap them.

The script never misses an opportunity to take an easy out. The entire setup is handled quickly and messily. The relationship between Vardalos and Duchovny (who looks and acts utterly lost, the poor guy) is wooden at best. The denouement is a cheese-ridden feel-good mess that, again, has no basis in reality. And the feel-good, everybody's-somebody, love-yourself-for-who-you-are rhetoric would be more natural in an Afterschool Special than here. The few comedic moments (like the two ladies having an accidental run-in with cocaine) are drowned in Velveeta.

This is a shame, since the part of the film that's supposed to be so bad it's endearing--namely the show tunes--are fairly funny. The opening number, a whacked-out medley of everything from Jesus Christ Superstar to Yentl, shows manic promise, and the numbers that follow are also good. Debbie Reynolds' brief appearance is something to applaud as well, since she's just On. But again, you need a "Play All Musical Numbers" button on this disc and then you'd be in good shape.

For a film I found almost totally annoying, it was refreshing to have my ire tempered by the quality bonus features. First up, the commentary between director Lembeck and Vardalos is a decent mix of riffing off of what's on the screen and giving actual information about the production. Vardalos comes off as a funny woman who can think quickly...in the special features.

The deleted scenes and bonus musical scenes have introductions by Lembeck, which is a nice touch. It's obvious he put his heart and soul into the making of the film--and with the crazed shooting schedule they attest to having, he would have had to to stay on the job--and when he says it was hard to cut down musical numbers, you believe him. The musical numbers are about the only thing salvagable amongst the lot, though. The deleted scenes are very brief and aren't memorable.

Again, in the outtakes, Vardalos seems like somebody who can improv like mad--her comments are by far the funniest of the lot. The making-of docu manages to avoid turning into a smoke-blowing lovefest, but just barely. Instead, they talk about the tight shooting schedule and the difficulties with shooting multiple musical sequences and needing to also costume and makeup two pretty attractive females into guys dressed as females and who aren't ugly. Also nice are the other two featurettes, covering drag and Debbie Reynolds. What a combo. The drag featurette goes more into the drag queens who were actually on set and how pleased they were that real research was done into the artform as opposed to just slapping a wig on a guy and calling it good. And Debbie Reynolds seems like an absolute hoot. Apparently the late night stand-up vaudeville routine she put on between takes is legendary. I honestly would have liked to have seen the whole thing as a bonus feature, personally.

The movie's just not very good. It really wants you to like it, but it just tries too hard and is way too freakishly cute to be watchable. If you like show tunes, it's worth checking out for that. However, if you do like the film itself, then you'll be pleased with the bonus features. They make the film worth it--almost.