Star Crystal (1986)
Review by HTQ4
Film:
DVD:

Written by Lance Lindsay and Eric Worster
Directed by Lance Lindsay
Starring C. Juston Campbell, Faye Bolt, John Smith, Taylor Kingsley, and Marcia Lynn

Released by: Anchor Bay
Rating: R
Region: 1
Anamorphic: Yes

My Advice: You can probably see it on MST3K

The crew of Shuttlecraft SC37 have a little problem. On a routine exploratory mission to Mars, they picked up what they thought was just a rock, but their scanners told them otherwise. They got it back aboard the ship to find out that it contained a life force more deadly than anything mankind has ever encountered. With their space station crippled and their shuttlecraft out of commission with an oxygen supply that is running out, they are in for the fight of their lives.

This is what happens if you take a bunch of unimaginative people with very little money and give them a cheap synthesizer, a camera with a little film, and a seemingly unending supply of aluminum foil...and tell them they can make a movie. So what they did was put together a script that bears a striking resemblance to Alien and start shooting with whoever they could get to stand in front of the camera and remember a few lines. Just in case you haven't gotten my point, this movie is quite possibly the worst science fiction movie that I have ever seen. There is absolutely nothing redeeming about it whatsoever. The special effects are horrible and the acting with the abysmal dialogue is even worse. Honestly, I'm surprised that someone picked up this movie to release it in the first place. Perhaps what is more surprising is that someone thought that putting it on DVD would be a good idea.

Thankfully, there are no special features on this disc. It's not like there is anything that the director could have said in a commentary track that would have shed a different light on this film. If someone was going to put together a "Making-of" featurette, it would be better to have it surround the idea that someone thought it a good idea to waste film (let alone a bunch of DVDs) with this tripe. It's obvious that the cast wouldn't have anything intelligent to say about this movie since it seems that they were doing everything they could to remember their lines and hoping that they looked scared enough.

Seriously, this movie should never have been on film, let alone DVD. I would say that finding this movie on MST3K would be a more entertaining look at this movie. If you absolutely have to, get some friends, get toasted and make your own MST3K laugh track. But otherwise, flee. Flee quickly.