The Fantastic Four

If you're not familiar, or not familiar enough perhaps, with the comic, we suggest picking up our favorite stint on the book, that of John Byrne, and also the gents that started it all, Kirby and Lee

DreamCast:

Dr. Reed Richards/Mister Fantastic Scott Bakula
Susan Storm/Invisible Woman Helen Hunt
Benjamin Grimm/The Thing Fred Ward
Johnny Storm/The Human Torch Matt Damon
Dr. Victor Von Doom Gary Oldman
Alicia Masters Gwyneth Paltrow

This DreamCast was brought to you by CCB and Widge.

Why The Fantastic Four? Well, they're doing it anyway, so we figure we owe it to ourselves and you good wide-eyed whackos out there to try and propose something we feel works.  Anyway, the FF is a time-honored comic tradition, and though it hasn't always stacked up to its tagline of "The World's Greatest Comic Magazine," it's given us great characters who are not only a family, but they can also kick the bad guys' asses.

What's the scoop?  Okay--I don't know what they've dreamed up for the "real" movie project, but here's what we envision, and it's pretty true to their origin, with a little of the original and a little of that "Heroes Reborn" reboot crap they tried not too long ago.  First of all, we've got to get them powers.  Ben Grimm is the pilot of this new space-plane that's supposed to be the next iteration of the space shuttle design--based on a totally revolutionary proposal from his college buddy, Dr. Reed Richards.  Susan Storm is one of the project leaders, and her little brother Johnny is the co-pilot for the mission.  They're supposed to use the spacecraft on its first mission to run some tests on cosmic rays.  They go up and get in the midst of a storm of said rays only to discover that their shielding has been sabotaged and they're being exposed to radiation like you wouldn't believe.  The craft is damaged, re-enters the earth's atmosphere and crashes more than lands.  The four emerge from the craft fairly unscathed until they discover their individual powers.  They discover that they've been setup, so they leave the world thinking they're dead while they try to discover who's behind their transformation.  And guess who it is.

Scott Bakula as Mister Fantastic:  Okay, this is Reed Richards we're talking here.  Marvel Universe's ultimate brainiac (not to be confused with a trademarked asset that will get me sued).  The guy who is you get anything cool in the Marvel Universe, he did it.  Unstable molecules, faster-than-light travel--he's the man.  So he need someone who can not only be a really nice guy, but a damn smart one, and also make it look like being a human rubberband is a good thing and not something incredibly silly.  He needs to also be able to look at home wearing strange visors and other gizmos like Reed is wont to do.  IOO, Lots of CGI stretching effects will make Bakula a perfect fit.

Helen Hunt as The Invisible Woman:  Have you seen Sue lately?  She kicks ass.  I mean, she kicked Iron Fist's ass even.  Anyway, so you need a tough lady who is still beautiful and wonderful, because as we all know, Reed and Sue are destined to hook up.  We think Helen should quit with the tornadoes and try Doom instead.  Add some neat effects for her force fields, but make them truly invisible instead of the hints we get in the comic.  You got it!

Fred Ward as The Thing:  To answer your question already, no, this is not the Fred Ward Fan Club.  Some of you have thought that we lost it casting him as Wolverine, so now you're probably wondering why we're making him Aunt Petunia's favorite nephew as well.  Hey, in a world where Nicholas Cage is attached to both the Superman Lives and Iron Man projects--why not?  Anyway, you need a gruff individual who's very likable and looks good with a cigar in his mouth.  Then, once he's rockified, you have to put a little FX on his voice to make it rougher--and it's golden.  We envision an 8-foot fully CGI Thing.

Matt Damon as The Human Torch:   We made Johnny the co-pilot so he'd have a bit more depth in the film and not be a rebel without a clue.  Damon is perfect for the part--young, dashing good looks, he's proved he can be a high quality smartass with Good Will Hunting, he's muscular.  I really like what the post-Heroes Reborn Crap (hereafter HRC) art team has done with him--keeping the 4 symbol on his chest and making his hair evident under the flames rather than just being, you know, a red guy with lines on him.  CGI that stuff in and flame on.

Gary Oldman as Doctor Doom:  Okay--Mr. Oldman.  Gary?  Gary.  Gary, we know you're sick of playing villains.  It's not our fault you're the best damn villain actor to come along in...well, God knows how long.  But this is one of the all-time baddest, so won't you please come out of evil-retirement and don the armor?  We'll let you rule Latveria and try to kill the Fantastic Four and pound your fist on things a lot.  We'll even throw in some Twinkies.  What's that?  You will?  Awwww. Yeah.

Gwyneth Paltrow as Alicia Masters:  Now you're asking yourself:  "Self, they didn't mention squat about Alicia up top in the synopsis--what gives?"  And you're right, we don't even expect Alicia to show up in the first film, but it seemed like such an easy call to make, we thought we'd go ahead and write her in to the sequel.
 



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