The Avengers (1998)

Directed by Jeremiah S. Checnik
Written by Don MacPherson, based on the television series by Sydney Newman
Starring Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, Sean Connery, Patrick Macnee, Eddie Izzard

My Advice: Wait for MST3K.

Just when you think that the summer fare can't get much worse (i.e. Godzilla), somebody has to come along and prove you wrong.  Wow.  At least the big G had a modicum of coherent story.  But before I begin ranting about this piece of crap, let me at least attempt to give you a synopsis.  John Steed (Fiennes) is a superagent for the British government, and is brought in to help clear Dr. Emma Peel's (Thurman) name because she's gone evil (Dark Uma?) and blown up the project she was working on.  However (Ah-HA!), it was not Uma of course, it must have been the evil Sir de Wynter (Connery) who wants to control the world's weather and extort money from the masses in exchange for sunny skies.

There's only one thing this movie has going for it--and you guessed it: Thurman in a catsuit.  And unfortunately, that's it.  No plot.  No explanations for what little storyline is left after Warner Brothers gutted the film.  And what's worse, a performance I was looking forward to (Sean Connery in his first turn as a villain) was laughable and pathetic at best.  When was the last time Connery was bad in a movie?  That's how terrible this piece of shite is.  And as for Fiennes and Thurman, they're adequate in their roles, but they're never given anything really to do other than get drugged and fall over, protect cities with no people in them, and have stilted exchanges of dialogue that are somehow supposed to pass for flirtatious behavior.  Patrick Macnee is in a cameo as "Invisible Jones," just because he was (if he was smart) too embarrassed to show his face in this stinker.  What can I tell you?  It's one of the worst films of the year so far, and believe me, there's been some bad ones.  Avoid this one in the theatres like you would Roseanne Barr in an elevator.

Buy it on DVD from Amazon!
Screw that. Buy the original series on DVD from Amazon!
Buy the book The Complete Avengers from Amazon!
Buy the CD from Amazon!

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