Lost & Found (1999)

Directed by Jeff Pollack
Written by James B. Cook, Marc Meeks, & David Spade
Starring David Spade, Sophie Marceau, Patrick Bruel, Artie Lange, Martin Sheen

My Advice: Wait for Cable.

Dylan (Spade) is a loser when it comes to love.  He just can't seem to find the right girl and as a result screws up every relationship he's in.  When a beautiful French woman (Marceau) moves into his apartment building, he's certain she's the one.  However, she won't give him the time of day.  Worse yet, her ex-fiancee (Bruel) is running around.  Worse yet, Dylan's being stalked by someone who works for him (Lange).  So what's a man to do?  Steal the woman's dog, of course, in order to sneak some quality time and win her heart.

I can't recall the last time a single person vehicle like this one, written specifically for the person in question, has ever been a glowing example of the cinema.  At least we have the comfort of knowing that David Spade really honestly is a funny guy.  It's just a shame the rest of the movie couldn't keep up with him.  Marceau has a thankless role and she played it like it was one, so no thanks.  Adequate, but anyone could have done it.  Bruel and Lange are well enough in their respective turns as well, trying their best to be funny in largely unfunny roles.  Jon Lovitz has a brief cameo that actually uses jokes from first graders across the country.  It's startling in its unoriginality.

On top of all the rest, the film is cliched, bland and only moderately interesting, since we know how it's going to end from jump.  Spade may be a professional when it comes to mugging for the camera, but he can't save this thing.  The only thing that redeems it is Spade singing a Neil Diamond cover complete with beret and headset.  If the rest of the movie had been as bizarre and over the top, we might have had something here.