Welcome to the Needcoffee.com Movie Reviews portion of the Reviews Central Lab. We're dedicated to bringing you the finest movie reviews that money can't buy. Movie reviews like Mom used to make. And more importantly, movie reviews that don't waste your time. On the average, 300 films are released to theaters every year. We realize that not everyone is a maniac with no life like the Widgeman, and you probably can't see many films. Basically, if you see only five or six films a year, we want to make sure you pick films that are worth your precious time. That's the way we look at it. So we present, on the average in about 500 words a piece, our honest take on the film without a full-page synopsis and without giving anything away that wasn't already spoiled in the trailer.
Our rating system works in two ways. First, we give you a rating from five coffee cups being the best () to a nasty stain being the worst (). Then we give advice on where to see this film, from Don't Miss It (meaning it's worth evening prices) to Wait for MST3K (meaning exactly what it says).
And here's one thing to remember, and some responses I've received to some recent reviews prompts me to say this. Critics are normally opinionated bastards who can't possibly do the things that they are criticizing and are bitter against those who can. They are also fruitcakes who think a good review is five paragraphs spilling the beans for the entire film then throwing in three or four lines about why they didn't like it and why you shouldn't either. They are even sometimes losers who think that we care about what they did when they woke up that morning, and what they had for lunch which might have affected why they hated the film.
Widge is not one of these critics. An opinionated bastard who got so fed up with cinematic crap he took the law into his own paws, yes, but that's about it. And let me fill you in on something else too--no matter how vehemently I denounce something, remember it's only my opinion. I encourage you to go out and form the same opinion on your own. Now, PSA's done. Back to the grind.