So you may be wondering why the post about the Yule perfumes from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab is showing up after Christmas. Well, I was experimenting with some new search algorithms from Miskatonic University's Computer Science Department to see if it would improve the hook up app, Grindr. I don't know if it was the arcane interaction with the GPS or the time of the year, but somehow I summoned Krampus, the dark demonic beast and punisher of bratty children at Christmastime. There he was with his whip and switch in hand, looking me over, and answered the question I asked last year, "Yes, I am single." He then asked his own question: "Your place or mine?"
So yeah, I hooked up with Krampus. I mean, it's not every day you have lots and lots of sex with an anthropomorphic avatar. And well, Krampus is insatiable. First, we
[Widge's Note: I've had to trim six paragraphs and three diagrams from the article at this point. You're welcome.]
then lastly, we cleaned up all the whipped cream and exchanged phone numbers. So since I've had time to recover, here are the scents to brighten your holiday season.
It's Weekend Justice: the podcast that escaped 2013 by going over the wall in a balloon during the Carter administration. This podcast was engineered--some might say over-engineered--by experts to escort you from the work week in the most chaotic manner possible. Please note: this podcast is profane, definitely oversexed and definitely overwrought. It is wrong and unsafe. Especially so given this year-end, outtakes episode. Which is infused with even more alcohol and furniture-sex humor than usual. You have been warned.
Thanks to Jon from The Unique Geek for helping us sound good.
As always, special thanks go out to Clutch for letting us use their absolutely badass song, "Promoter (of earthbound causes)" as our theme music for this.
Forewarning: The following is a rambling overview of one fledgling Whovian's reaction to the Eleventh Doctor and his televised adventures. If such a thing does not interest you, I offer this TL/DR five-words-and-a-pregnant-pause synopsis: "Yeah, that was...pretty good." If such a thing does interest you, bear in mind: if you have not seen the entirety of Matt Smith's run, then you face spoilers.
I did not, like many of my compatriots on this site, grow up with Doctor Who. My first exposure to it was actually one issue of the Marvel/Tom Baker series which made no damn sense to me whatsoever (looking for the image just now, I see it was actually issue #1--I really should find a copy and re-read it...see if I understand it now). And as time went on, I continued to look at Who from the outside like something impenetrable--you would have to already be on board the train to understand what the hell was going on. Unlike, say, X-Men comics, about which even people who have been on board for decades have no idea what the hell is going on.
I spend a fair amount of my spare time playing video games. I also, as many of the Need Coffee staff can attest to, spend some of my spare time making beer and wine. Those two things rarely meet. Well, to be fair actually, they very very often meet, just not in a single product. Enter Fiz: The Brewery Management Game. It's one of the very few points in the middle of the homebrewing/gaming venn diagram. It's a pretty shiny point too.
Fiz, as its full name implies, is a management sim. After an introduction by a strange old beer wizard, you are walked through creating your first batch (called "Tutorial Lite"), and left in charge of a four-person basement microbrewery. As you progress through the game you level up your employees, discover new recipes, upgrade your equipment, unlock new marketplaces, and generally climb the beer ladder.
And now...take a deep breath...and begin 2014 with...relaxation. Recorded at the Need Coffee Dot Com Show of Shows, live at DragonCon 2013, we test drive the upcoming Need Coffee Relaxation CD (patent pending). This video lovingly monogrammed for you by Aaron OBE. Cameras manned by The Legion of Unique Geeks.
I acquired this from World Market the other day. Keep in mind this might be the most festive thing I do all holiday season. Anyway, upon cutting open the package, that red velvet smell--more artificial than usual--spills out. It's pretty strong. My usual inclination about flavored coffee is that its flavor should be coffee. When I first started drinking coffee, circa 1912, there were two additional flavors: sugar and cream. Those seem natural. And to be clear: I'm talking about just coffee here. I will absolutely slay a white chocolate mocha from Starbucks if given the chance. I guess upon reflection, I'm fine if the flavors added after the fact. It's frontloading the flavor with the coffee itself that I find somewhat questionable. Perhaps also it's that, for the most part, I don't actually enjoy the taste of most coffees*. So anything that makes it worse is simply to be avoided.
I prepared this coffee in the Aeropress and I did something I don't normally do: I actually followed the normal ratio of coffee to water. Normally, I enjoy my coffee so sick and evil that you would expect Tim Curry's voice to come out of it. But for the sake of actually trying this weird flavor, I thought I'd go standard.
There's a lot of stuff that comes out all the time, and the companies are want your attention and mostly...your coin. But, you know, it's your coin and you have to take care where you spend it. With these posts we try to take you through recent releases so you can make up your mind. If you find the info here to be of use, do us a favor and purchase stuff from Amazon through us. Especially if you were going to buy the stuff anyway. That gives us kickbacks, which help pay for things. Like the server. And coffee. And therapy. We thank you.
As is the case with most breakout Best Picture box office successes, Warner Brothers goes back to the well and returns with Argo: The Declassified Extended Edition in its bucket. First bit of good news: from what I can tell, all the bonus bits from the original Blu-Ray release are here: picture-in-picture video additions, the audio commentary, a TV docu from 2005 and other featurettes. What do you get that's new? Well, as part of the packaging, you get a mini-poster for the fake film, a 64-page book, a map and a replica ID badge. On the discs themselves, you get the aforementioned "extended" version of the film. Extended...by about ten minutes. There's also a few other special features, including more interviews, a focus featurette on Affleck as a director, a cast discussion, a chat with the real Tony Mendez and others. All of which feel like miniature versions of what you would actually want from such things. The main question is: if you've already dipped, would you want to go again? Well, it depends on how much you love the film. As for me, I would find myself content with renting this version from somewhere, taking in the additional stuff and then taking it back. If you haven't already purchased, a new version of the original Blu-Ray is going for as low as $4.50. So a $30 increase to get the stuff on here? Pretty much a non-starter. (Click here to buy it from Amazon.)
So, as Tor.com had it, "Joseph Gordon-Levitt to direct and star in Sandman movie, possibly the first in a multi-film franchise." Granted, JGL clarified later on that he was only on board (for the moment) as a producer. David S. Goyer is, of course, also attached to produce.
As long-time followers of the Sandman film adaptation debacle will recall: this film has been stuck in development hell for over a decade and a half--and thankfully so. The most recently discussed draft had capes and superhero-esque origins and all kinds of foolishness. So thankfully, this iteration looks basically exactly like I said it would need to look, in order to get me interested: it looks like they've erased literally all of the film script work done on it, to this point, and started over from scratch. And I'm okay with that.
Written by: Mark Protosevich, based on the manga by Garon Tsuchiya & Nobuaki Minegishi
Directed by: Spike Lee
Starring: Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Olsen, Sharlto Copley, Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Imperioli
Review: Well, let's just say it. This movie is fucked up. Those who have seen the original know that this is not something one refers to in a positive light. At least not without cringing. Americanized remakes will always have that extra hurdle to pass, and thanks to the cast and fight choreography (are you thinking The Hallway of Hammering? Because I am), this one passed muster. But now I'm going to go shower.
Time: 21 seconds