The Wandering Earth (2019) – Movie Review

(gained a half-cup due to awesome visuals and a guy trying to shoot a planet)

Written by: Frant Gwo, Gong Ge’er, Wu Yi, Yan Dongxu, Yang Zhixue, Ye Junce & Ye Ruchang, based on the novella by Liu Cixin
Directed by: Frant Gwo
Starring: Qu Chuxiao, Wu Jing, Zhao Jinmai, Ng Man-tat, Li Guangjie

It’s the future, and not only do we (apparently) still not have jetpacks, but the Sun is going to expand and engulf the Earth in a hundred years. To add insult to injury, a couple centuries after that, it will have swallowed the rest of the solar system as well. Because mankind can get its act together when there’s some massive, obvious, world-shattering threat (and pretty much only then), humanity forms a world government with a focus on saving the planet and (most) of the people on it. To do this, they plan to spend a couple of millennia moving the Earth to a new solar system. You might think is a plan fraught with peril–and you’d be right–because Murphy’s Law (and the Law of Disaster Movies) says that Something Big goes wrong. And hoo boy, does it.

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Polar Popcorn: Like Popcorn, Only Colder

David Klein, Candyman

Do you know the name David Klein? I did not. I certainly should have, because he’s the guy who created one of my favorite candies: Jelly Bellies. (Inevitably, each Xmas, I wind up getting one if not two large assortments because people know my weakness for the damn things.) Also, I should have known him because anyone who can effectively wear a candy sombrero is definitely worth knowing.

One of his most recent projects was handled through Kickstarter: Polar Popcorn. So of course I threw in with the lot because this guy is A) apparently damn good at coming up with tasty candies and 2) a veritable hoot.

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Your Weekend Justice #276: A Teaching Moment

Magnum Ice Cream bars

It’s Weekend Justice: the Internet’s #1 audio trainwreck. This episode was recorded in April 2018.

Agenda:

  • A difficult trivia question
  • Discovering what’s too much for this podcast
  • Ken Burns: Tuffley After the Fall
  • Fallet
  • Leonard Cohen vs. David Hasselhoff
  • Harry Anderson and Night Court
  • The desperation of network television
  • American vs. German television markets
  • Dom inadvertently predicts the Disney+ future
  • Falco and other Austrians
  • The legacy of Art Bell
  • Lost in Space
  • Necco Wafers and Catholicism
  • The legacy of Jolt Cola
  • What does Big Dub have under the counter?
  • RIP R. Lee Ermey
  • Ready Player One
  • The Death of Stalin
  • Don’t turn down a gypsy funeral
  • Putting things in the camera
  • Lucille?
  • Who has a flamethrower?
  • Widge vs. his own network (losing)
  • Containers for nipple explosions
  • Non-fun with Moviepass
  • CW and the Arrowverse
  • Dwayne, the Box Office Viagra
  • How to deal with Iron Fist, a very depressing prediction
  • Infinity War and everything around it
  • What did we learn?
  • Netflix Defenders-verse
  • Drowning the spoilers in chicken
  • The new Star Wars films
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    Headsup: Sex, Murder, and John Krasinski

    Disclaimer: Warner Bros. Home Entertainment requests we note that it provided a free copy of “I Am the Night” and “Batman vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”.  The opinions I share are my own.

    South Park Season 22 DVDSouth Park is back for its incredible 22nd season! Join Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and the residents of everyone’s favorite little mountain town as they contend with the vaping epidemic, Cartman’s anxiety disorder, the rise of Amazon, and the fact that they didn’t take the threat of ManBearPig cereal seriously enough the first time around.” — from Paramount

    South Park: The Complete Twenty-Second Season is now out on DVD and Blu-ray, which have all ten episodes of Season 22 along with “mini commentaries” on all episodes from show creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone plus some deleted scenes. The DVD is available on Amazon for $19.99 and the Blu-ray for $26.97. You can also get the season digitally on both Amazon and iTunes, but at a price of $24.99 on both (with no bonus features), the better option price-wise is to snag the DVD.

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    Things: Chai Caramels, Cookie Dough & Butter Cake

    Marich Chai Tea Caramels

    These…are Chai Tea Caramels from Marich. They are chai tea flavored caramel surrounded by white chocolate. Addictive? Oh hell yes. As a fan of all things chocolate (including white chocolate, even though I know it’s not technically chocolate, but whatever) and a big fan of chai, this is something that you should only buy about twelve balls of at a time. This is mostly because whatever you buy you will probably consume in one go. You’ve been warned.

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    The Conjuring (2013) – Movie Review

    Conjuring (2013)

    Written by Carey W. Hayes & Chad Hayes
    Directed by James Wan

    Starring Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Lili Taylor, Ron Livingston, John Brotherton

    Ed and Lorraine Warren (Wilson & Farmiga) are demonologists. They help people who have no one else to turn to. They’re like The Equalizer but for people menaced by supernatural forces. They do lectures. They give interviews. They assist at exorcisms. And they have a room in their house that serves as both museum and Vault of Mysteries, keeping sinister objects locked away from the rest of the world. (Let’s draw a veil discretely over whether or not that’s a good idea.) Enter the Perrons (Taylor & Livingston) who just moved out into the country to an old house that happens to have a history. That history is now tormenting their five daughters, putting bruises on Mrs. Perron and basically it’s all turning into an episode of Homes Under the Hammer of Satan. Time for Lorraine, Ed, and Ed’s sideburns to get to work.

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    Headsup: Gender Roles, Reconstruction, and the Ponderosa

    What Men Want“[In What Men Want,] Ali Davis (Taraji P. Henson) is a successful sports agent who’s constantly boxed out by her male colleagues. After a wild night out with her girls, she mysteriously gains the ability to hear men’s thoughts. With her newfound power, Ali looks to outsmart her colleagues as she races to sign the next basketball superstar, but the lengths she has to go to will put her relationship with her best friends and new love interest to the test.” — from Paramount

    What Men Want is now out on DVD and Blu-ray, with the latter boasting over an hour of bonus content. Extras include audio commentary with director Adam Shankman, featurettes about the characters, storyline, and guest star athletes, interviews with the cast, a gag reel, deleted and extended scenes, and a parodic “infomercial” with Erykah Badu as an eccentric psychic. The film is available now on Amazon on DVD for $14.96 and on Blu-ray for $19.96 (a significant difference in price, but when you consider all the bonus features you get by going for the Blu-ray, it may be worth it.)

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    Sprite: Lymonade – Drink Review

    Sprite: Lymonade

    Sprite’s latest variation is to add lemonade to its already lemon-lime self, thus creating Lymonade. It at first glance doesn’t seem like a very strange chimeric concoction, especially since at the top left above the logo it boasts “Lemon-Lime & Lemonade Flavored Soda With Real Juice & Other Natural Flavors”! But then bottom right below the logo it admits “Made With 1% Real Juice.” Rarely do you see a product label boast about a feature and yet admitting that feature is pretty much meaningless on the same side of the label.

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    The Post-Endgame OMGWTFFAQ

    Chris Evans as Captain America with a hurting brain in Avengers: Endgame

    Even Cap’s brain hurts while trying to follow everything that’s going on in Endgame

    There is an awful lot to unpack in Avengers: Endgame. It is a film that creates as many questions as it does answers. In my ongoing attempt to use this site as therapy, here are my attempts to answer some of the most burning questions that will spend hours stabbing us in our brains with tiny sporks.

    Obviously, MASSIVE SPOILERS for Endgame. So if you haven’t seen it, turn back now. Past the break is the point of no return.

    FIRST THINGS FIRST. WHY DID THEY CALL THE SNAP “THE DECIMATION” WHEN BY DEFINITION A DECIMATION IS WHEN YOU LOSE 1/10 OF WHATEVER IS AFFECTED?

    I have no goddamn clue. I suck at math and even I know that’s wrong.

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