Captain America: The First Avenger – 27 Second Review

Captain America: The First Avenger Poster

Written by: Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely, based on the comics by Joe Simon and Jack Kirby
Directed by: Joe Johnston
Starring: Chris Evans, Hugo Weaving, Hayley Atwell, Tommy Lee Jones, Stanley Tucci and Toby Jones

Review: The Avengers movies have been, by and large, satisfying. This one not only delivers on awesome action, but will please everyone from the comic geeks (with the first issue of the comic spliced into the film), to the history buffs like me with the Nazi super weapons that were actually attempted tossed in just for fun. I was pleased. You will be too. Unless you’re a commie.

You’re not a commie, are you?

Time: 18 seconds

(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T22:38:56+00:00 August 1st, 2011|27 Seconds, Reviews|0 Comments

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – 27 Second Review

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen teaser movie poster

Written by: Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci, and Alex Kurtzman
Directed by: Michael Bay
Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro, Ramon Rodriguez, Peter Cullen, Hugo Weaving

Review: The only problem I had with the first one of these was that it tended to have things on the screen that weren’t giant robots fighting other giant robots. So that needed fixing. And so it was! This time around, if you’re not seeing a big bot tear another’s face off (seriously, this is done quite a bit), then you’re probably instead focused on some of Megan Fox’s various parts. Which is acceptable. You can shut your brain down for this one. Shut it down hard.

Time: 21 seconds

(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T23:01:43+00:00 July 1st, 2009|27 Seconds, Reviews|0 Comments

Transformers (2007) – 27 Second Review

Transformers Poster

Directed by: Michael Bay
Written by: Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman and John Rogers
Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, Rachel Taylor, Anthony Anderson, Jon Voight, John Turturro, Peter Cullen, and Hugo Weaving

Review: Face it: the original is dead along with the rest of the 80s. No one turns into a gun, and you won’t learn a lesson about sharing or some shit. What this movie delivers is giant robots fighting other giant robots. And that’s what you go for. So what if they got a blind man to piss on a wheel of cheese and took it for writing dialogue? It has the Michael-Bay-Level Boom! So don’t complain.

Time: 17 seconds
(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T23:29:49+00:00 July 13th, 2007|27 Seconds, Reviews|0 Comments

V for Vendetta – 27 Second Review

V for Vendetta Movie Poster

Written by: The Wachowski brothers, based on the graphic novel by Alan Moore and David Lloyd
Directed by: James McTeigue
Starring: Natalie Portman, Hugo Weaving, Stephen Rea, John Hurt, Tim Pigott-Smith, and Rupert Graves

Review: I, like most people, thought this was going to be an insipid piece of trash. But I was delightfully surprised. The film presents a good combination of political ideaology, and mass explosions set to Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture. BOOM! Haha–ahem… Anyway, Hugo Weaving rocks yet again. That is all.

Time: 16 seconds.
(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T23:47:55+00:00 March 26th, 2006|27 Seconds, Reviews|0 Comments

The Matrix Revolutions (2003) – Movie Review

The Matrix Revolutions movie poster

Written & Directed by The Brothers Wachowski
Starring Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Laurence Fishburne, Hugo Weaving, Mary Alice

My Advice: Rent the DVD when it comes out for the FX, otherwise skip it.

We’re right where we left off in the last film: Neo (Reeves) is in a coma, Bane (Ian Bliss) has somehow gotten Agent Smith (Weaving) inside of him, Zion is about to get its tits shot off, and Morpheus (Fishburne) is feeling like a dumbass because, seemingly, the Oracle (now played by Alice after the untimely death of Gloria Foster) lied. Now Neo’s lost somewhere between worlds and if he doesn’t get back soon, then the human race is toast.

Congratulations, Brothers Wachowski! You’ve given us the worst third movie in a series since Superman III. Or, since you’re comic fans, I’ll put it another way: you’ve given us the cinematic equivalent of Secret Wars II. After the completely brilliant setup of the second film, the brothers manage to fumble the ball in a spectacular, tragic way. The first film set up everything, the second debunked the first film and the third film manages to disappoint almost from jump: after a completely pointless opening sequence, the highlight of which is people running upside down and shooting, we’re treated to an endless series of missed opportunities. All of those neat questions you conceived from the enigmas in the second film? None of them are answered. And they’re not even not-answered in that, “Ooh, we’re being mysterious and mystical and cheerily obtuse” way–you know, the one that can be endearing and thought-provoking. No, no. They’re just not addressed. At all. Which is amazing, considering that this film is even “talkier” than the second–the difference being the second film’s dialogue had meat to it. This time around, we’re given nothing but third-rate overwrought “heart felt” garbage, with none of the philosophy or banter that makes the series function.

(more…)

By | 2009-12-05T20:20:50+00:00 November 5th, 2003|Movies|0 Comments