Black Phoenix Has Big Balls

Harvey Korman as Professor Balls from The Pink Panther series

Perfume comes from many sources: flowers, tree resins, herbs. One source that is a little controversial is the glands of animals. Musk comes from the civet, something like a mongoose, the North American beaver, and from the Asian musk deer. Of course, most of these compounds can be replicated through chemistry, but synthetic or not, a good perfumer should be familiar with the secretions that certain glands can naturally produce.

We applaud Black Phoenix for getting involved with glands. (We’re, on this site anyway, extremely concerned with the adrenal gland.) In Black Phoenix’s case, they have turned their attention and imagination to human male testicles.

Or in more common parlance: balls.

(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T22:30:48+00:00 July 16th, 2012|Headsup|0 Comments

Happy Horny Werewolf Day From Black Phoenix

Happy Horny Werewolf Day

Hey baby, what's your sign?

When I write about the Lupercalia perfumes from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, I usually write an amusing little missive on the ridiculous and corporate nature of Valentine’s Day. However, I rediscovered this from Uncle Warren and I must bow to the master. Especially if he wants to do something naughty.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all. And to those who hate the day, I say this: Valentine’s Day is a Christian corruption of a pagan festival involving werewolves, blood and fucking. So wish people a happy Horny Werewolf Day and see what happens.

He’s selling cards of this sentiment for you to give for that special someone. Fuck Hallmark.

With that out of the way… on with the scents!

(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T22:32:57+00:00 February 14th, 2012|Headsup|0 Comments

Win Gurozuka on DVD!

Gurozuka DVD

Coming out on Region 1 DVD from Synapse Films, it’s Gurozuka. Here’s what they have to say for themselves:

A fun getaway turns into a journey to Hell for some teenage girls visiting an isolated house to rehearse and perform a play for their private movie club. Taking the trip with an adult chaperone, the girls learn that a previous club member supposedly went missing in the house, and another went insane! Shortly after they arrive, a mysterious videotape is found with footage of a violent killer wearing a Japanese deigan mask. Is this footage real or fake? Soon, their food and equipment disappears and one of the girls is haunted by ghostly visions of the masked demon. Someone or something is in the house, and gruesome death awaits those who cannot escape!

It’s Japanese. It’s a horror film. Is it mental? What do you think? Here, have a trailer:

(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T22:34:34+00:00 December 12th, 2011|Contests|0 Comments

32 Days of Halloween V, Day 10: HOUSE! (aka Hausu)

house-hausu

The name of the film is not Hausu. It’s not even House. If you believe this trailer (and you should), the name of the film is pronounced HOUSE! That’s right, for three years prior to today during the course of 32 Days of Halloween we’ve been featuring Japanese trailers. If not Japanese versions of existing U.S. films, then original Japanese trailers. And even though, if you are familiar with Japanese cinema–especially horror, you are used to WTFsville…this trailer takes the proverbial cake.

Don’t be fooled when suddenly about a third of the way in it seems to switch over to what seems to be credits for what looks like a kids show with theme music worthy of Sid & Marty Krofft. No no. The final third of the trailer dives right back into the realm of “Wait, what?” It’s impressive.

Q: What happens when you go to visit your aunt and your aunt’s house decides to want to eat you and your friends?

A: You find yourself trapped in a trailer that intones “HOUSE!”

So take this as a cautionary tale.
(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T22:36:55+00:00 October 9th, 2011|32 Days of Halloween|0 Comments

Top Horror Anime Addendum: 7 More to Die For

Hell Girl

I put together a list of what I considered to be the top horror anime back in 2007. Since that list was published, a great deal of horror-related anime has been released in the West: some new titles, and some older titles now available for the first time. It’s not a genre that’s particularly in vogue at the moment, alas, since studios are focusing more on shojo action and anything with a whiff of moe, but that doesn’t mean there’s not good stuff out there. Since we get comments on that list all the time asking about this more recent anime or that one, we at Need Coffee thought it was time to revisit the topic and prepare for your enjoyment an updated list of must-see horror anime titles. Japan has been cranking out the live action horror lately instead of animated horror, but there are still several gems worth the viewing.

(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T22:38:42+00:00 August 13th, 2011|Stimuli|15 Comments

Friday Misc. Mayhem: Roberta, Downton and the Yakuza

Rich Hall

A few random bits that we had leftover to help you get done with your work week.

One of the most startling things that happened when I started watching a lot of British panel shows was discovering somebody I hadn’t seen in forever. I’m speaking specifically of when I sat bolt upright on the couch and said, “Holy crap, that’s where Rich Hall went!” He had a series on HBO in the 80s and then sort of fell off my radar. And I don’t know, but he looks just the same as I remember him. No idea. Regardless, here he is from the most recent Channel 4 Comedy Gala singing “Roberta,” a song from his country alter ego, Otis Lee Crenshaw…
(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T22:39:22+00:00 July 15th, 2011|Stimuli|0 Comments

Black Phoenix Wants You Hot And Sweaty

Cupid Caught Napping

Cupid caught napping

I get it. I know why St. Valentine’s Day is in February. It is an example of the Catholic program of replacing pagan holidays with their own. In this case, replacing the Roman festival of Lupercalia with St. Valentine’s Day. The problem is that unlike Italy, most of the Western World is kinda chilly in February. Not the best climate for a sexy holiday. When the powers that be were repackaging this for own modern consumer age, why didn’t they move it to June?

(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T22:39:47+00:00 June 28th, 2011|Headsup|0 Comments

Happy Thanksgiving From Need Coffee

Thanksgiving

So it’s Turkey Day here in America. And we extend this invitation to everyone in the world: if you want to join us in our overeating holiday, please feel free. But even if you don’t want to eat that much, we can all still find common ground in being confused by this insanity: an animated bunny that dances while making a reference to Mr. Bean. Enjoy!
(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T22:45:49+00:00 November 25th, 2010|Stimuli|0 Comments

32 Days of Halloween IV, Day 10: Japanese Horror

Kairo Pulse ghost

Today is about J-Horror. This after we first gave you the Japanese Evil Dead trailer. Then the Japanese trailers of Friday the 13th and Dawn of the Dead. But now we’re going for some Japanese originals.

Yes, we try to capture the essence of Japanese horror when we remake them over here…but it just doesn’t work. When we try to remake them we don’t necessarily take the teeth out of them–this is Japanese horror, so it’s more like we remove all the spiny bits with the barbs on the end.

Here’s a case in point. You remember the trailer for One Missed Call? The English version, that drew laughter from the audience every time they showed it in front of another film? Here’s the Japanese version, aka Chakushin Ari. It actually feels creepy and menacing. For a change of pace.
(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T22:47:37+00:00 October 9th, 2010|32 Days of Halloween|3 Comments

Memo: Time Travel Abuse, Part 3

Star Wars Admiral Ackbar Samurai

To: Needcoffee Staff
From: ScottC

Subject: Time Travel Abuse 3, The Return of The Jedi

And you were all doing so well. It’s been a couple of years since the unfortunate incident with Pac-Man and the off-the-books time travel agency. But you couldn’t resist screwing around with the time machine, could you?

I know we all have our issues with the alien android duplicate of George Lucas. Han shot first, the prequels, and now reformatting Star Wars for 3-D, I get it. But we can’t go after everyone who takes a cherished childhood media property and remake, re-imagine, or reboot them for shameless profit and/or ego. We would never have any time to update Needcoffee.com and our fans depend on us. We cannot abandon them on some futile crusade. Not to mention the massive causality paradoxes made by altering history to disenfranchise those guilty.

Now, I will admit that I thought the plan to introduce Star Wars to Edo period Japan so Kurosawa would be inspired and create the Trilogy before Lucas was clever and ironic. But messing with The Web of Time is not worth it. You don’t want to be the spiders it attracts.

To clean up the mess, we again used Process #34 on an artist, Steve Bialik, and he has made some nice prints based on his “inspiration.” You can even buy some here.

So please remember, history is not an Etch-A-Sketch.
(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T22:47:39+00:00 October 8th, 2010|Stimuli|1 Comment