The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug – 27 Second Review

Martin Freeman as Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Written by: Peter Jackson, Guillermo Del Toro, Fran Walsh, and Phillipa Boyens, based on the novel by J.R.R. Tolkien
Directed by: Peter Jackson
Starring: Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Orlando Bloom, Evangeline Lilly, Luke Evans, Stephen Fry, Benedict Cumberbatch

Review: In what’s winding up to be a six (possibly seven?) part Tolkien franchise, I enjoyed this one more than its predecessor. The action, while cartoonish, is fairly consistent, and we get several little treats in the form of cameos, combat barrels, and elves using various enemies as surf boards. Not to mention Cumberbatch and Armitage having a sassy insult throwdown.

Time: 18 seconds

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By | 2017-09-24T22:26:38+00:00 January 20th, 2014|27 Seconds, Reviews|0 Comments

Your Weekend Justice #184: Two Tables Flipped For Your Face

It’s Weekend Justice: the Internet’s #1 audio trainwreck. It’s the podcast that is waiting for the spaceship to arrive and take it to safety as the world ends. It’s not here yet but we expect it at any moment. Honest.

[audio:http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/www.needcoffee.com/podcasts/wjustice122112.mp3]

Spider-Man Sheets

Agenda:

  • Stop bothering Rox with your last minute crap Xmas gift ideas
  • The danger of Amazon Prime
  • The evil of raisins
  • Fun with Instagram
  • Cat butt coffee ale!
  • Leigh vs. gravity and the death of keyboards
  • The Hobbit and hotness
  • Kids and fandom
  • Aaron Sorkin, making people sad
  • Spazhouse: The Barbershop
  • Angela Lansbury, not dead
  • The Flaming Keyboard
  • French Cumberbatch
  • Rox’s search for cake
  • The Search for Star Trek Sex Toys
  • (more…)

    By | 2017-09-24T22:28:53+00:00 December 21st, 2012|Podcasts, Weekend Justice|3 Comments

    One Big Happy Family (That Wants to Gnaw On You)

    Family Once: Threadless

    No doubt inspired a little bit by Dead Island, we are compelled by our rule (“If it’s undead and bleeds, it leads”) to place this on the front page. It’s “A Family Once” by Jay Fleck. It’s a bloody shame it’s the wrong color, however. But man, it’s one of Threadless’ best zombie shirts in some time.

    Also of note for recent updates is the Lord of the Rings vs. Monty Python mashup, “Impasse” by Verso. And they’ve reduced the awesome pirates vs. dog t-shirt “Reburied Treasure” by David Soames and Nathan W. Pye to $12.

    Grab them with the links above or browse the sit by clicking here.
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    By | 2017-09-24T22:33:17+00:00 February 7th, 2012|Headsup|0 Comments

    Your Weekend Justice #145: Will Somebody Save Somebody?

    It’s Weekend Justice: the Internet’s #1 audio trainwreck. It’s the podcast that can go to a Dark Place at the drop of a hat. And not every listener will make it back alive. This is both warning…and promise. This podcast was engineered–some might say over-engineered–by experts to escort you from the work week in the most chaotic manner possible. Please note: this podcast is profane, definitely oversexed and definitely overwrought. It is wrong and unsafe. You have been warned.

    [audio:http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/www.needcoffee.com/podcasts/wjustice012712.mp3]

    Martha Stewart Coming Home Poncho

    Please note–an extra warning for this episode, in which terrible, sick jokes are made about children and taxidermy. In light of this, I would like to issue the following apology in advance:

    In my rush to make a joke, I incorrectly identified Boris Karloff’s last film as 1968’s Targets, when as you, of course, well know–it was instead 1971’s The Incredible Invasion, released after his death. My apologies for any confusion or distress this slip-up may cause.

    Agenda:

  • Everyone vs. Beck
  • And then…Beckham
  • Stealth hooligans
  • What the hell is this thing, anyway?
  • Ass crack o’clock
  • Something about Jill and her nipple
  • The Matrix spoilers
  • Being a bitch for D&D
  • (more…)

    By | 2017-09-24T22:33:26+00:00 January 27th, 2012|Podcasts, Weekend Justice|4 Comments

    Your Weekend Justice #99: The Parcel at Hobo Lake

    It’s Weekend Justice: the podcast that is never on the right side of the door, at least as far as it’s concerned. This podcast was engineered–some might say over-engineered–by experts to escort you from the work week in the most chaotic manner possible. Please note: this podcast is profane, definitely oversexed and definitely overwrought. It is wrong and unsafe. You have been warned.

    [audio:http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/www.needcoffee.com/podcasts/wjustice012811.mp3]

    Hobo Panda!

    Agenda:

    • Rox: Axe Artist!
    • Hobo Batman!
    • Leigh vs. Siegfried & Roy
    • Leigh understands bopping…at last
    • Leigh sticks the landing
    • Cylon Dion!
    • The Gymnast!
    • KIDS, Inc. terrifying sing-along
    • Pixelated cocks
    • Barn raising
    • How Waffle House equals civilization
    • Jesus Chicken on Sunday?
    • Tool Wine!
    • Alcohol Report
    • Mead!
    • Height jokes and garden gnomes
    • (more…)

    By | 2017-09-24T22:44:21+00:00 January 28th, 2011|Podcasts, Weekend Justice|0 Comments

    Stuff You Need to Know, Monday, September 29, 2008

    Thor by Walt Simonson

    Pop culture news in little espresso shot-sized chunks. Because you have better things to do with your time than read 500 word posts on each of these.

  • Congratulations, Marvel. You have managed to get my attention by getting Kenneth Branagh in talks to helm Thor, which is slated to hit cinemas in 2010. Trouble is the script is by Mark Protosevich, who is infamous in my mind for having written I Am Legend…for Schwarzenegger. Yes, it was terrible. Donald Blake will be the version of Thor in the film. Now bring in Walt Simonson to do design work and you’ll have me actually looking forward to this. Source: Variety.
  • The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, those mad geniuses who do Lovecraft better than anyone, have The Shadow Out of Time coming out from their Dark Adventure Radio Theatre on October 1st. You can get it on MP3 or CD, and the CD has bonus bits. They also announced The Shadow Over Innsmouth. Find their goodness here. Found via SFFAudio.
  • (more…)

    By | 2017-09-24T23:12:15+00:00 September 29th, 2008|Stuff You Need to Know|0 Comments

    Happy Birthday, Jennifer Saunders

    One of my favorite bits from French & Saunders, they smack around Lord of the Rings in the same fashion they did Harry Potter.

    Direct link for the feedreaders.

    And just for the record, I’ve seen online birthdates for her from July 5th to July 12th, though most of them say today. So if for some reason we’re a day late or a trifle early, so be it. A bit of Edina after the break.

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:16:08+00:00 July 6th, 2008|Headsup|1 Comment

    Del Toro to Helm Holm in The Hobbit?

    Ian Holm wants you to say hello to his leetle friend.

    Okay, probably not Sir Ian, but it was too good a headline to pass up. And it could happen. De-aging CG technology is pretty good these days. Or…who knows.

    Anyway, yes, Guillermo Del Toro is reportedly in talks to direct The Hobbit and The Hobbit 2: Shire Harder (this is a working title). And no, don’t panic, they’re just chopping the story in half because it was so helpful with the quality of the The Matrix and Pirates trilogies…urg.

    Excuse me. I almost choked on absolutely nothing a moment ago. Back now.

    As this report makes clear, it’s not like Del Toro is hurting for projects. Hell, I still want to see his Count of Monte Cristo update that he was showing us concept art for about ten years and more ago. But will McKellen return to play Gandalf? Will any of the rest of the cast return for their cameos? Will Smaug be re-imagined as a giant bug-like creature with 114 eyes? Will Andy Serkis and Doug Jones fight each other with steak knives over who’s going to do the physical movements of certain characters? Only time will tell.

    Image.

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:22:12+00:00 January 28th, 2008|Headsup|0 Comments