Your Weekend Justice #224: Coffee and the Euphemism Motherlode

Dance the Kung Fu

It’s Weekend Justice: the Internet’s #1 audio trainwreck, the podcast that dares to completely sully the name of its own damn website. Go figure.

Note: Please excuse random and brief noises. Not sure where they came from. Maybe it’s all in my head.

[audio:http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/www.needcoffee.com/podcasts/wjustice101714.mp3]

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By | 2017-09-24T22:25:59+00:00 October 19th, 2014|Podcasts, Weekend Justice|0 Comments

Your Weekend Justice #186: Android Has No Baklava

It’s Weekend Justice: the Internet’s #1 audio trainwreck, which welded your car doors shut because it wanted to see you try and get in through the windows. Except it also welded your shoes to the floor. Sorry.

[audio:http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/www.needcoffee.com/podcasts/wjustice012513.mp3]

Starsky and Hutch

Agenda:

  • Revelations beyond just diet soft drinks
  • Jon’s studio destruction
  • “Studio” size enhancement
  • A North American Zune…in the wild, even
  • Polka karaoke
  • Fringe f*ckery
  • SPOILERS: American Horror Story
  • Jon is the Sound Board
  • Widge’s television report
  • Transporter the Series
  • Steampunky Brewster
  • Converting to the iPhone and fun with Android
  • Not into comics
  • Walking Dead the game and bye-bye, showrunner
  • House of Cards
  • (more…)
  • By | 2017-09-24T22:28:27+00:00 January 25th, 2013|Podcasts, Weekend Justice|0 Comments

    Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – 27 Second Review

    Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen teaser movie poster

    Written by: Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci, and Alex Kurtzman
    Directed by: Michael Bay
    Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro, Ramon Rodriguez, Peter Cullen, Hugo Weaving

    Review: The only problem I had with the first one of these was that it tended to have things on the screen that weren’t giant robots fighting other giant robots. So that needed fixing. And so it was! This time around, if you’re not seeing a big bot tear another’s face off (seriously, this is done quite a bit), then you’re probably instead focused on some of Megan Fox’s various parts. Which is acceptable. You can shut your brain down for this one. Shut it down hard.

    Time: 21 seconds

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:01:43+00:00 July 1st, 2009|27 Seconds, Reviews|0 Comments

    Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: A Non-Review

    Megan Fox in Transformers

    First of all, for the record, let me say that I have not seen the new Transformers sequel. I’m aware of the hype and I did see the first one. Thankfully, this is not a review of the new movie. It’s a review of a couple of the reviews I’ve read for that movie.

    In the early, pre-dawn hours of the morning this morning, I rolled over and picked up my Blackberry to catch a glimpse of the headlines. There’s always something there that will help lock your eyeballs open for the day. This day, it was the absolute idiocy of a couple of movie reviews that was able to get me from the bed to the coffee pot.

    The first review I read was by Tom Charity on CNN.com. The second was by Joe Morgenstern on the Wall Street Journal Online.

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:01:50+00:00 June 25th, 2009|Stimuli|6 Comments

    NASA Set to Nuke Space Rocks; Arms Race With Space Rocks Imminent

    Deep Impact advertising, Needcoffee style

    NASA has announced plans to deliver a nuclear cargo to any giant rocks that threaten our planet:

    By the 2020s NASA concluded that “the nuclear interceptor option can deflect

    [Near Earth Objects] of [100-500m diameter] two years before impact, and larger NEOs with at least five years warning”.

    So as long as they spot us thirteen years, we should be in business, yes?

    Not so fast, we say. And then we look at the 2020 date and we say, okay, that’s not very fast to begin with. Never mind.

    Anyway, our point is this: given what we know about giant rocks coming after us, we need to be aware that this plan may have unintended consequences which must be taken into consideration before any such mission is planned. At Needcoffee, we maintain a series of Global Frequency-like experts around the world who can be called upon to provide support in the case of zombies, Skynet, mimes and several other world-threatening occurrences.

    We’ve talked with them about NASA’s plans. Their concerns come after the break.

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:28:32+00:00 August 7th, 2007|Stimuli|0 Comments

    Transformers (2007) – 27 Second Review

    Transformers Poster

    Directed by: Michael Bay
    Written by: Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman and John Rogers
    Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, Rachel Taylor, Anthony Anderson, Jon Voight, John Turturro, Peter Cullen, and Hugo Weaving

    Review: Face it: the original is dead along with the rest of the 80s. No one turns into a gun, and you won’t learn a lesson about sharing or some shit. What this movie delivers is giant robots fighting other giant robots. And that’s what you go for. So what if they got a blind man to piss on a wheel of cheese and took it for writing dialogue? It has the Michael-Bay-Level Boom! So don’t complain.

    Time: 17 seconds
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    By | 2017-09-24T23:29:49+00:00 July 13th, 2007|27 Seconds, Reviews|0 Comments

    Pearl Harbor (2001) – DVD Review

    Pearl Harbor DVD set

    Film:
    DVD:

    Written by: Randall Wallace
    Directed by: Michael Bay
    Starring: Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Kate Beckinsale, Cuba Gooding Jr., Alec Baldwin, Jon Voight and Dan Aykroyd

    Features:

    • Intro and Letterbox Explanation by Michael Bay
    • Three running audio commentaries with filmmakers:
      • With director Bay and film historian Jeanine Basinger
      • With producer Jerry Bruckheimer, Affleck, Hartnett and Baldwin
      • With cinematographer John Schwartzman, production designer Nigel Phelps, costume designer Michael Kaplan, supervising art director Martin Laing, and composer Hans Zimmer
    • Journey To The Screen: The Making of Pearl Harbor
    • “There You’ll Be” Music Video
    • Trailer/promo for Beyond the Movie: Pearl Harbor by National Geographic
    • Two fifty minute documentaries from The History Channel:
      • Unsung Heroes of Pearl Harbor
      • One Hour Over Tokyo
    • Oral History snippet
    • Soldier’s Boot Camp featurette
    • Three production mini-featurettes, two with optional commentary by director Bay
    • Pre-production footage
    • Theatrical trailer and teaser
    • Deconstructing Destruction effects sequence featurette
    • Interactive Attack Sequence
      • Four angles to view from, four audio mixes to choose from
      • Commentary by effects supervisor Eric Brevig
      • Commentary by storyboard artist Robert Consing
      • Commentary by survivors of the actual Pearl Harbor attack
    • When Cultures Collide: From Perry to Pearl Harbor history featurette
    • Still gallery
    • 24-page companion booklet
    • Four Collectible Postcards

    Released by: Buena Vista
    Region: 1
    Rating: R
    Anamorphic: Yes.

    My Advice: Own it, but only for the special features

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    By | 2017-09-25T00:01:21+00:00 December 7th, 2003|Reviews|1 Comment

    Armageddon (1998) – Movie Review

    Armageddon movie poster

    Written by: J.J. Abrams, Tony Gilroy, Jonathan Hensleigh, & Shane Salerno, based on a story by Jonathan Hensleigh & Robert Roy Pool, with additional writing by Paul Attanasio, Ann Biderman, Scott Rosenberg, & Robert Towne
    Directed by: Michael Bay
    Starring: Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Billy Bob Thornton, Liv Tyler, Steve Buscemi

    My Advice: Don’t miss it.

    Michael Bay does it again and producer Jerry Bruckheimer is pretty much forgiven for his part in making Con Air a reality. That’s right, it’s the first big-ass plastic mindless destructorama flick I’ve seen this summer to actually make good on its promise and thrill. But be forewarned–you’re entering Jerry Bruckheimer’s world, a world that gives physicists in our world ulcers and headaches. We’ll tell them to bugger off in a minute. First, the synoptic thing: A rock the size of Texas is headed towards Earth (played by itself) and will wipe out everything including politicians, movie critics, and other forms of bacteria. There’s only one thing to do–drill a hole in the sucker, plant a nuke in it, and blow it to hell. Or wherever space rocks go after they die when they’ve been bad and menaced whole planets. And I know what you’re thinking, true believers–you already reviewed this movie, Widge, and were disappointed! Ah, not this movie but its bastard cousin. More on that to come. Anyway, the head of NASA (Thornton) calls on the best deep driller in the world (Willis) to save all creation. Nuff said.

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    By | 2009-06-16T01:00:04+00:00 July 2nd, 1998|Movies, Reviews|0 Comments