32 Days of Halloween Part VIII, Movie Night No. 5: Giant Gila Monster (Two Ways!)

Giant Gila Monster

The movie poster for The Giant Gila Monster presents what could be construed as an interesting bit of philosophical or religious speculation. You wouldn’t think a film from the man who also brought you The Killer Shrews would be up for that, but hey, sometimes you never know.

The poster states: “Only Hell could breed such an enormous beast…only God could destroy it!” First of all, and not to spoil the ending for you, but a giant Hand of God a la Stephen King’s The Stand does not appear to save the town being menaced by the titular giant reptile, as that poster might seem to promise. But most importantly, it seems to beg the question: “Could God create a gila monster so ginormous and indestructible that he himself could not destroy it?” For future reading on this subject, Heraclitus wrote an entire diatribe along those lines.

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By | 2017-09-24T22:26:05+00:00 October 4th, 2014|32 Days of Halloween|0 Comments

Win Mary Jo Pehl’s Employee of the Month and Other Big Deals!

Employee of the Month and Other Big Deals by Mary Jo Pehl

She needs no introduction but you’re going to get one anyway. So cope as best you can. The lady’s name is Mary Jo Pehl. Professional purveyor of comedy. She was Pearl in Mystery Science Theater 3000. She plays herself in the DVD/live show descendant of MST3K entitled Cinematic Titanic. No longer content to bring the funny alongside a running motion picture, she intends–and will–bring the funny with the written word. That’s right, it’s Employee of the Month and Other Big Deals. Here’s what the book, in essence, has to say for itself:

You may know Mary Jo Pehl as “the guy from Mystery Science Theater 3000 that’s a woman.” But besides her stints as a writer-performer on the beloved Peabody-winning TV show, and now with the movie-riffing crew Cinematic Titanic, Mary Jo has survived one of the most traumatic, glorious, terrifying, joyful challenges known to humankind, a little thing she likes to call real life. With biting wit, bracing satire, and boundless good cheer, Mary Jo–distinguished member of the First Family of Circle Pines, Minnesota; she’ll explain–takes you on a poignant, hilarious journey through the world of keepin’ on. Dispatched from her Midwestern home state, then New York, Texas, and exotic points beyond, these very personal stories and essays, with illustrations by Len Peralta, reveal a warm, smart, funny writer who can spot the absurdities in what she deals with every day, and make her readers LOL at them. There’s nobody else like Mary Jo Pehl. But then, there’s nobody else like you, either. Hey, you two should get together! Read this book, and you will, my friend: you will.

Hmm. Len Peralta. I know that name from somewhere…Anyway.

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By | 2017-09-24T22:32:57+00:00 February 15th, 2012|Contests|0 Comments

Cinematic Titanic Presents Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (2008) – DVD Review

Cinematic Titanic Presents Santa Claus Conquers the Martians DVD cover art

Film:
DVD:

Written & Performed by: Trace Beaulieu, Frank Conniff, Joel Hodgson, Mary Jo Pehl, J. Elvis Weinstein
Directed by: Sharp-Ford

Released by: Cinematic Titanic
Region: 0
Rating: NR
Anamorphic: N/A; appears in its original 1.33:1 format.

My Advice: Fans must own.

The children of Mars have something wrong with them. Besides being in this movie, I mean. They don’t feel like eating their food pills. They don’t feel like sleeping. They’re moping about and just watching television. Are they going emo? No. They’re in a funk because they’re treated like shrunken adults rather than being allowed to have kid fun. The solution? Kidnap Santa Claus and bring him to Mars. Naturally.

If you have a movie this bad, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can watch… Cinematic Titanic.

I am not a rabid disciple of MST3K but that’s more because I just don’t watch television rather than a lack of respect. Indeed, we appreciate the show enough around here to have “Wait for MST3K” as a staple of our advice ratings. Which took on more weight after the end of MST3K, so “Wait for MST3K” for a while there was shorthand for “To hell with it.” But I do understand that with their assault on this film, the MST3K crew provided a delightfully sick perennial holiday favorite that’s for some the whacko equivalent of It’s a Wonderful Life.

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By | 2017-09-24T23:05:56+00:00 February 12th, 2009|Reviews|1 Comment

Song Fu: The Next Generation

Ken and Quick Stop Entertainment’s latest round of Masters of Song Fu pits two masters against one another: Gonzo veterans Paul and Storm against MST3K veterans The Rifftones. The task is simple: make a new dance craze single based around a famous inventor. The songs are “Make Fire!” and “Do the Ballpoint!” I think you can see where this is going.

Listen to both and vote for your favorite. There’s the challengers too. Lots of good and interesting bits.

And check out the kickass art from Len Peralta of Jawbone Radio (and *cough* Zombie in My Treehouse) as well.

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By | 2017-09-24T23:13:03+00:00 September 13th, 2008|Headsup|0 Comments

Headsup: The Satellite of Love and The Big Green Angry Guy

Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie DVD Cover Art
Kirby Five-Oh!: Celebrating 50 Years Of The King Of Comics Cover Art

It’s no secret that we’re big fans of MST3K around here. We’ve spent a long time condemning truly shit films to limbo since when we say “Wait for MST3K,” we know that they’re never going to get around to doing them. (Rifftrax might. Or the Film Crew. We suppose if you had to watch one of the films we’ve labeled to wait for MST3K, then that’s better than nothing.) But still. This Universal release of Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie finally replaces the ten-year-old out of print Image Entertainment release. There’s no special features, but if you’re a fan of the show (and of course, you are), then you need to add this to your collection. Because the guys vs. This Island Earth is something to behold. (Click here to buy it from Amazon.)

I know we harp on TwoMorrows all the time, but there’s a reason: all you have to do is look at the care with which they treat the fifty-year span of Jack Kirby‘s career in Kirby Five-Oh. This oversized book has a slew of fifties: the 50 Best Kirby Stories, the 50 Best Kirby Covers, the 50 Best Examples of Unused Kirby Art, the 50 best Kirby character designs, 50 people influenced by Kirby, a 50 page gallery of Kirby art, and a never before seen Superman cover inked by Darwyn Cooke. Are they thorough? They remembered Giganto the mutant whale as one of his best designed characters. How cool is that? Plus a color section of photos, art and designs. It’s Kirbypalooza, folks. Gotta love it. (Click here to buy it from TwoMorrows.)

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By | 2017-09-24T23:18:24+00:00 May 31st, 2008|Headsup|0 Comments

13 Days of Xmas – Day 11: More Music That Doesn’t Suck

MST3K Christmas

I know that most of our readers are now in family bunkers everywhere, hatches battened down and awaiting Christmas itself to arrive. Chances are you’re probably in with some people you don’t like and you’re probably listening to music that, as we’ve mentioned before, grates on your nerves. But that’s okay. Here’s a small smattering of songs that we haven’t yet covered, that I think will help some.

First, traditional. Nat King Cole. Can you argue with Nat King Cole? Not if you care for your own personal safety.

Direct link for the feedreaders.
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By | 2017-09-24T23:23:30+00:00 December 23rd, 2007|13 Days of Xmas|0 Comments

The Film Crew: Wild Women of Wongo Contest

Wild Women of Wongo DVD by the Film Crew

The guys from Film Crew are back with another crazy film from the past. The mad weasels behind MST3K lampoon the cinematic wonder that is Wild Women of Wongo.

What happens when the beautiful women isolated on an island discover the beautiful men on the neighboring island? Will they dump their hairy ape-men for the hunky neighbors? Find out by winning a copy of the film on DVD!

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By | 2017-09-24T23:26:38+00:00 October 3rd, 2007|Contests|0 Comments

Win The Film Crew vs. Killers From Space!

The Film Crew: Killers From Space DVD cover art

As we’ve already explained to you, Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett of MST3K fame have joined forces to become The Film Crew. It’s kind of like when New Mutants morphed into X-Force, but these three guys actually have properly drawn feet. And, you know, a lot less unnecessary costuming.

Peter Graves stars in this latest victim of their ire. If you want to check it out, you can win one. Because we’ve got an extra copy. And that’s how we roll.

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By | 2017-09-24T23:27:06+00:00 September 25th, 2007|Contests|0 Comments

Film Crew: Hollywood After Dark Contest!

Hollywood After Dark with the Film Crew DVD cover art

Is there an empty hole in your heart where the wit of Mystery Science Theater 3000 used to live? Now you can feel whole again. Three of the genius minds behind the show have returned as The Film Crew, and present for your viewing pleasure their snarky take on the classic film, Hollywood After Dark. And you can win a copy of the DVD, just released from Shout! Factory.

Join Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett as they explore the less starry side of Hollywood. Follow along with the tragic tale of a naïve young actress (played by The Golden Girls‘ Rue McClanahan) who tries to follow her dreams of stardom, only to fall into the seedy world of stripping for fame instead.

No, seriously.

Want to win? Come on, then!

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By | 2017-09-24T23:29:01+00:00 August 1st, 2007|Contests|0 Comments