Top 10 Simians To Keep Tabs On In Case Apes Actually Rise

Ivan Kragoff, Red Courtesy Phone Please

So this weekend we get a prequel/reboot/thing for Planet of the Apes, Rise of the Planet of the Apes. And I’m uncertain how I feel about it, based on the trailers, as we’ve discussed in multiple podcasts by this point. However, it did get me thinking–and you know that’s always a dangerous thing. We have plans in place in case of zombies. We have plans in place in case of Skynet. We even have given some thought to when animals rise up and start kicking some ass. But do we actually have a Rise of the Apes sort of plan? In other words, what if non-human simian creatures got even smarter than they are and decided to whup some ass?

If we’ve learned anything from Batman it’s to know who to keep tabs on. So for your easy planning purposes, we’ve devoted some skull sweat to identifying ten simians that you should definitely keep track of. Because if Apes ever do actually rise, we expect these to throw their lot in with them. Stay vigilant.
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By | 2017-09-24T22:38:52+00:00 August 4th, 2011|Stimuli|4 Comments

Win The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe on DVD!

Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe animated

It’s the animated version of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, coming out again to DVD from BBC Home Video. Here’s what they have to say for themselves:

C.S. Lewis‘ classic children’s tale is brought to life by leading animator Bill Melendez, known for his work on Fantasia and for the classic Charlie Brown features. The first installment of The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe follows four children in their adventure through the enchanted kingdom of Narnia. While playing hide and seek, the four siblings climb into a wardrobe that leads them into a world filled with mythical creatures and fantastic magic. The kingdom of Narnia is not all fun for the children, though. An evil witch has cast a spell on Narnia keeping it in eternal winter. To defeat the witch and restore springtime, the four children must team up with the creatures of Narnia as well as Aslan, a noble lion and the King of the Woods. Will the children be able to stop the witch or will it remain winter in Narnia forever? Bonus materials on this release include audio commentary with director Bill Melendez, producer Steve Melendez, sequence director Bob Balser Deleted Sequence “Kings and Queens of Narnia” and more.

We’ve got three copies of the DVD to give away. Want to win one? Excellent. Here’s how that happens: you enter using the form below. Remember you can enter once a day. If we draw your name when the contest ends, you snag it! Good luck!
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By | 2017-09-24T22:40:44+00:00 May 25th, 2011|Contests|2 Comments

Headsup: Swans, Lions and Crows With Explosives

There’s a lot of stuff that comes out all the time, and the companies are want your attention and mostly…your coin. But, you know, it’s your coin and you have to take care where you spend it. With these posts we try to take you through recent releases so you can make up your mind. If you find the info here to be of use, do us a favor and purchase stuff from Amazon through us. Especially if you were going to buy the stuff anyway. That gives us kickbacks, which help pay for things. Like the server. And coffee. And therapy. We thank you.

Incredibles Blu-Ray
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 Blu-Ray
Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Trader Blu-Ray

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By | 2017-09-24T22:41:34+00:00 April 26th, 2011|Headsup|0 Comments

Your Weekend Justice #94: Rox Saves Christmas!

It’s Weekend Justice: the podcast that will set fire to your yule log while you are still holding it. This podcast was engineered–some might say over-engineered–by experts to escort you from the work week in the most chaotic manner possible. Please note: this podcast is profane, definitely oversexed and definitely overwrought. It is wrong and unsafe. You have been warned.

[audio:http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/www.needcoffee.com/podcasts/wjustice121710.mp3]

Watchmen Backwards

Agenda:

  • StripperCast!
  • Narnia porn!
  • Crotchcam!
  • Warning! Camera angles!
  • Scott’s bar revelation
  • Meat nativity
  • Rox’s recipe
  • Cosette’s theory about drugs
  • Leigh’s Ladder
  • Aaron does security
  • Static!
  • Fruitcake!
  • Walking Dead and Game of Thrones
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By | 2017-09-24T22:45:25+00:00 December 18th, 2010|Podcasts, Weekend Justice|0 Comments

NostalgiAwesome #4: Books! (With Videos!!)

Needcoffee labs, hunting down every last scrap of evidence to our theory that every day you smart people don’t breed the world is going to hell in a handbasket have unearthed this little nugget from the Family Feud, our own personal Inquisition for such matters:

Direct link for the feedreaders.

Remember, this is the Family Feud so these people undoubtedly reproduced–and did so enough that they could get five of them together on a game show…so, you know, good luck evolution, good luck.

Anyway, one of the things you can do to make your future spawn smarter and way cooler is to give them awesome books to read. And you remember books right? They’re those things you put on your Kindle when you’re not using the Wikipedia access. And they’ve even got these nifty ones that don’t require a download and work with NO POWER. EVER. Here are a few of the more awesome ones from your childhood, and some nifty videos you can use to entice the younguns.
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By | 2017-09-24T22:57:35+00:00 November 8th, 2009|NostalgiAwesome|2 Comments

Halloween Audio Day 13: The Lion

The Lion

Another one of mine, from Something Else. Although I find it hard to title these things, this one would have to be “The Lion.” Enjoy.

[audio:http://www.needcoffee.com/podcasts/lion.mp3]

You can download it directly here. Or subscribe to the feed to get all the 32 Days audio. If you’re already subscribed to our Needcoffee.com general podcast feed, you already get them, so you’re good.
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By | 2017-09-24T22:58:32+00:00 October 12th, 2009|32 Days of Halloween, Podcasts|1 Comment

Stuff: Space Travel–Wussies Need Not Apply

NASA Day of Remembrance

  • Today is NASA’s Day of Remembrance. I was going to write up something on this, but Doc broke radio silence on his site to have at it. And he says it better than I could. Go and read.
  • Amazon‘s sale today is for the complete series of Get Smart. It’s $67.99, which is 66% off the list price of $199.95. Nice. This is a fairly swank set, I own it myself and recommend it for any fan of the show. You can snag yours here. That’s today only and while stocks last.

    Also they’ve got an indie/international sale with titles as low as $5.99. You can find that here.

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:06:33+00:00 January 29th, 2009|Stuff You Need to Know|0 Comments

    Stuff You Need to Know, Wednesday, December 24, 2008

    The Voyage of the Dawn Treader book cover art
  • Dawn Treader has no Disney. Hollywood Reporter does an analysis of the situation fairly well, showing that the Narnia franchise is on a downward slope and Disney feels like it’s time to get while the getting’s good. Of course, what they leave out is that the reason Lion did well as compared to Caspian is that fool us once shame on you, fool us twice shame on us. Your Caspian audience, I think, were the kids who just didn’t know any better. But of course, Hollywood, since it can’t accept responsibility when it fucks up something, will simply show this as waning interest in fantasy flicks for kids. Morons.
  • Clive Owen will star in Cartagena a story about the fit hitting the shan for an undercover agent who’s in the middle of the Colombian drug cartel scene. Source: Hollywood Reporter.
  • Interesting. Rather than screw around with the censors and so forth in China, Warner Brothers just isn’t releasing Dark Knight in China. Which means that those who haven’t already purchased a pirated copy in that country will now. Source: Variety.
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    By | 2017-09-24T23:07:59+00:00 December 24th, 2008|Stuff You Need to Know|0 Comments

    Prince Caspian (2008) – 27 Second Review

    Prince Caspian poster

    Written by: Andrew Adamson & Christopher Markus, based on the novel by C.S. Lewis
    Directed by: Andrew Adamson
    Starring: Liam Neeson, Ben Barnes, Georgie Henley, Skander Keynes, William Moseley, Anna Popplewell, Peter Dinklage, Eddie Izzard, Sergio Castellitto

    Review: NINJA FAUNS!!!!!!! VIOLENT MICE!!!!!!!!! FULL! AUTO! CATAPULTS!!!!!

    Ahem. Sorry. There’s a story and stuff too. The four leads have improved, probably due to some much needed acting lessons. I’m sure the flow would be better if some scenes were kept in that we can assume were left out because they connected the plot points too well and took focus away from FULL AUTO CATAPULTS!!!!! Can I have one?

    Time: 22 seconds

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:18:25+00:00 May 31st, 2008|27 Seconds|1 Comment

    Headsup: Little House, Little Village and a Big Boxed Set

    An ongoing attempt to make sense of the onslaught of new swag that people want you to buy. Should you? I’ll try and help.

    Tapestry the Legacy Edition by Carole King CD Cover Art
    Sudden Impact soundtrack CD cover art

    Sony Legacy has released one of their nifty Legacy Editions of Carole King’s Tapestry. These editions always have bonus bits on them that usually make them worth snagging, even if you have the original already–and that’s what I’m here to do is to let you know what’s what. This has the original album, just as it was remastered previously, but with a second disc featuring songs from the album performed live with just Carole and the piano from 1973 and 1976. These performances haven’t been released before, so if you’re a King fan, you’re going to want this. If you want to try it out, skip to the bottom of this post and I’ll have the MP3 samples from Amazon so you can try before you buy. But it’s a classic album with a worthy re-release in my opinion. (Click here to buy it from Amazon.)

    So, Lalo Schifrin. He’s one of those composers who you know, even if you don’t know them. This is the guy who brought you the badass soundtrack for Bullitt, the score for Enter the Dragon, the theme to Mission: Impossible and scads more. He’s got 194 items listed with a composer credit on the IMDB. Not bad. He’s also the composer for Dirty Harry, having started with the franchise at the beginning in 1971. And this 1983 film, Sudden Impact, was the fourth in the series. I believe this is the first time it’s officially hit CD and it’s out from Aleph Records. If you’re a big fan of Schifrin’s work or of Dirty Harry, you’ll want to consider picking this up. (Click here to buy it from Amazon.)

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:19:00+00:00 May 17th, 2008|Headsup|0 Comments