Sorry it’s late. It’s been a day. So. It’s Weekend Justice: the Internet’s #1 audio trainwreck, which really wishes for the day where 3-D Peep printing technology becomes affordable enough to put such a printer in every home. One day, people. One. Day.
Directed by Terry Gilliam
Dress Patterns by Terry Gilliam and Tony Grisoni
Written by Ehren Kruger
Starring Matt Damon, Heath Ledger, Lena Headey, Peter Stormare, Jonathan Pryce
My Advice: Matinee.
It’s the early 19th Century in French Occupied Germany. Two brothers, Wilhelm and Jacob Grimm (Damon and Ledger) make their way across Europe, helping out villagers who are plagued with beasties, witches and spooks of all sorts. Well, sorta. Really they’re mining Jacob’s knowledge of European folklore and going to where the legends say the beasties, witches and spooks are–because chances are very good they’ll find superstitious people there willing to believe anything (like, for example, Kansas) and thus, willing to pay handsomely to have their fears dispatched. Because there are people willing to pay for such services, the Grimms are justified in their minds to relieve the people of the necessary coin. Only what if it’s not all just heebee jeebie bullshit? What if there’s a forest somewhere in France where Some Really Weird Shit is actually going down? And what if they were…compelled (psst–it involves being on the wrong end of guns) to go there?
Written by: Jon Cohen & Scott Frank, based on the short story by Philip K. Dick
Directed by: Steven Spielberg
Starring: Tom Cruise, Colin Farrell, Max Von Sydow, Kathryn Morris, Samantha Morton
My Advice: Don’t Miss It.
Welcome to the middle of the 21st Century. Washington D.C. apparently was overrun by homicide a few years back, so they’ve established something called Precrime. Thanks to some precogs they keep locked up in the basement, the cops are able to bust you for murder…before you even commit the deed. It’s so effective, they haven’t had a single homicide in three years and the program’s about to go nationwide. John Anderton (Cruise) is the head burrito of Precrime in the field, and he’s damn good at what he does. However, when the precogs suddenly show him to be the next perp to be taken down, Anderton knows something has gone horribly wrong. But can he stay away from his old buddies long enough to figure out what the hell’s going on?
Written by: Robert Nelson Jacobs, based on the novel by Joanne Harris
Directed by: Lasse HallstrÃ¶m
Starring: Juliette Binoche, Alfred Molina, Johnny Depp, Lena Olin, Judi Dench
My Advice: Wait and Rent It.
Vianne (Binoche) comes from a long line of wanderers, spreading the good word and the good chocolate, with her daughter Anouk (Victoire Thivisol) in tow. She just so happens to have wandered into a sleepy little French town circa 1959. She rents a shop and begins to get ready to open her confectionary shoppe for the benefit of the entire burg–but she’s doing all of this right before Lent, which doesn’t sit well with the town’s mayor (Molina). Before long, the battle lines are drawn: the establishment versus the iconoclastic chocoholics. Who will win? Three guesses.