Iron Man 3 (2013) – 27 Second Review

Iron Man 3 Poster

Written by: Drew Pearce & Shane Black, based on the character created by Stan Lee, Don Heck, Larry Lieber & Jack Kirby and the comic book storyline by Warren Ellis & Adi Granov

Directed by: Shane Black
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Ben Kingsley, Jon Favreau and Paul Bettany

Review: Tony Stark. Genius. Billionaire. Superhero. Bit of a dick. And once again, Robert Downey Jr. plays it all out masterfully. Of course, I go to movies for the ‘splode, and that was present in droves as well. If you go more than fifteen minutes in this movie without an explosion, you should make sure you’re in the right theater. And that’s a good thing. It’s also a good thing to finally have a superhero role model who can be an asshole to children.

Time: 22 seconds

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By | 2017-09-24T22:27:38+00:00 June 27th, 2013|Reviews|0 Comments

Gun Machine (2013) – Audiobook Review

Gun Machine cover

Written by Warren Ellis
Performed by Reg E. Cathey
Published by Hachette Audio

NYPD detective John Tallow has just seen his partner of twenty years shot by a crazy naked man with a shotgun. Of course, Tallow responses in kind by shooting the crazy man dead. This would have been the incident where Tallow, burdened with years of the violence and brutality of New York, finally shuts down.

However, the naked madman with a shotgun blew a hole into an apartment. When checking to see if anyone is hurt, Tallow discovers an apartment covered in guns. All sorts of guns from flintlocks to Saturday Night Specials, all arranged like pixels in a digital picture. They seem to convey some sort of meaning or purpose but it may be beyond sanity. Even weirder, when a sampling of the guns is tested, all of them are connected to cold cases of unsolved homicides. In other words, Tallow has just reopened over 400 unsolved murder cases and the department is not happy. His “reward” for this discovery is to investigate who did all this. And why would be nice too. So Tallow has to deal with two rather odd CSUs, a department that wouldn’t mind this whole mess sinking into the Hudson, and the killer who is very smart, very talented, and very pissed that someone fucked with his guns.

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By | 2017-09-24T22:27:46+00:00 May 22nd, 2013|Audiobooks, Reviews|0 Comments

Stuff Bulletin: New Lord of the Jungle in the Works

Johnny Weissmuller as Tarzan

  • Wanted to make sure you were aware: Amazon’s Deal of the Day is the Blu-Ray boxed set of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy Extended Editions. Regular price is listed as $119.98–today only it’s 64% off and going for $43.49. Savings of over $75. Not bad for a fifteen disc hi-def set. Snag it here.
  • New Tarzan is coming from Warner Brothers with Alexander Skarsgard at the lead of the pack to play the jungle lord and David Yates, who directed more Harry Potter films than anybody else, is on board to helm. The story involves him being sent to the Congo by Queen Victoria for a mission, accompanied by an ex-mercenary–who might be played by Samuel L. Jackson. I’m sort of amazed that in the wake of John Carter that another Edgar Rice Burroughs film is even happening. Source: Variety.
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    By | 2017-09-24T22:29:02+00:00 November 15th, 2012|Stuff You Need to Know|0 Comments

    Happy Horny Werewolf Day From Black Phoenix

    Happy Horny Werewolf Day

    Hey baby, what's your sign?

    When I write about the Lupercalia perfumes from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, I usually write an amusing little missive on the ridiculous and corporate nature of Valentine’s Day. However, I rediscovered this from Uncle Warren and I must bow to the master. Especially if he wants to do something naughty.

    Happy Valentine’s Day to all. And to those who hate the day, I say this: Valentine’s Day is a Christian corruption of a pagan festival involving werewolves, blood and fucking. So wish people a happy Horny Werewolf Day and see what happens.

    He’s selling cards of this sentiment for you to give for that special someone. Fuck Hallmark.

    With that out of the way… on with the scents!

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    By | 2017-09-24T22:32:57+00:00 February 14th, 2012|Headsup|0 Comments

    SVK – Comic Review

    SVK by Warren Ellis and D'Israeli

    My parents were always supportive of my tendency to read just about everything, so I never really had the experience of reading comics by flashlight under the covers when I was meant to be asleep. I’m sure if I did have that memory, reading SVK would have invoked childhood associations with clandestine information.

    SVK is the new Warren Ellis/D’Israeli/BERG joint: a comic that was sold only by mail order and printed with a special ultraviolet dye that you need the ultraviolet torch to read (it’s a British book by British creators–the transAtlanticism makes sense). The gimmick is that thought balloons–long thought to be out of favor among Anglo-Saxon creators–are printed in ultraviolet (UV), so you (the reader) need the torch to read them.

    As there is UV ink on almost every page of the book, it is generally worthwhile to basically read the whole book via the UV torch. This works best in a dark room, so that you are actually relying on the torch for all of your light–“a flashlight under the covers.” Printed only in black and white, the only color is the UV, which works perfectly. The book is illustrated by D’Israeli, a master craftsman who cut his teeth on black and white pieces for 2000AD like Leviathan.

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    By | 2017-09-24T22:39:07+00:00 July 20th, 2011|Reviews|0 Comments

    Your Weekend Justice #94: Rox Saves Christmas!

    It’s Weekend Justice: the podcast that will set fire to your yule log while you are still holding it. This podcast was engineered–some might say over-engineered–by experts to escort you from the work week in the most chaotic manner possible. Please note: this podcast is profane, definitely oversexed and definitely overwrought. It is wrong and unsafe. You have been warned.

    [audio:http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/www.needcoffee.com/podcasts/wjustice121710.mp3]

    Watchmen Backwards

    Agenda:

    • StripperCast!
    • Narnia porn!
    • Crotchcam!
    • Warning! Camera angles!
    • Scott’s bar revelation
    • Meat nativity
    • Rox’s recipe
    • Cosette’s theory about drugs
    • Leigh’s Ladder
    • Aaron does security
    • Static!
    • Fruitcake!
    • Walking Dead and Game of Thrones
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    By | 2017-09-24T22:45:25+00:00 December 18th, 2010|Podcasts, Weekend Justice|0 Comments

    Why We Think Parkour Is Cool

    Daredevil and Spider-Man

    Last time we spoke, I said I’d have more to say about Parkour at a later date. Well that date is now. Several weeks ago, the website AmericanParkour.com reported that Parkour had been explicitly banned, in name, in the Battery Park area of NYC. This caused a flurry of Internet reaction from those connected to or concerned with practicing the art of Parkour, including yours truly (see picture at right *ahem*).

    Fortunately, when they issued an update on the situation, it became clear that we were all over-reacting, and that the supposed “parkour ban,” was really just the same NYC Law 2008/042 (File Int 0721-2008), “prohibiting climbing, jumping or suspending of oneself from structures.” This is for the best, because it means that traceurs (a term for those who practice the art) are not specifically prohibited from doing Parkour, provided they are in or on spaces and structures that have been approved for Parkour. Ideally, this means that the door is still open for those in the NYC Parkour community to have a conversation with those in power, to start working to craft more Parkour-friendly legislation. This can have multiple benefits.

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    By | 2017-09-24T22:47:34+00:00 October 10th, 2010|Stimuli|4 Comments

    How Not To React To The Internet Co-Opting Your TV

    Global Frequency

    Warren Ellis’ Global Frequency is relevant to my interests because it contains cogent explorations of weird science, magick (neurolinguistic programming, perceptual manipulation, and the scientific-type investigation of the darker recesses of the human psyche), Parkour (more on this at a later date), and biofeedback, among many other things. It’s been on my mind again lately because we’ve been watching a whole lot of John Rogers’ phenomenal series Leverage, and a friend of mine whom I introduced to the comic series arranged a Global Frequency photoshoot at Dragon*Con 2010, and then it’s been coming up on Twitter a whole bunch. All of this has me thinking about the injustice of television markets, and the capriciousness of Networks in the face of overwhelming clamour and demand from those who would be their core audience…

    What do you mean, what the hell am I talking about?

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    By | 2017-09-24T22:48:16+00:00 September 27th, 2010|Stimuli|5 Comments

    Stuff: Mashup Artists Looking Forward to Warren Ellis/Holy Grail Possibilties

    Josh Brolin as Jonah Hex with Megan Fox

    There’s plenty going on in the world of pop culture. But you have a life–we don’t. That’s why we do this: news in quick digestible chunks so you can be about your business, armed with geek info. You’re welcome.

  • A bunch of posters were rolled out at San Diego, including Jonah Hex (snippet shown), can be found at Yahoo Movies. Some are unimpressive, like, oh, Saw VI. But the Alice in Wonderland posters give a better look at the characters. And such.
  • Castlevania is back on again, with James Wan (Saw) on board to co-scribe and helm. And they’re apparently discarding the previous version of the script and starting over. And what does this mean to the animated version that Uncle Warren scribed? No idea. Although if somebody wanted to send me his script, I wouldn’t be sad. I’m just saying. Source.
  • You L.A. types, be aware that Cirque du Soleil is doing more of their 25th anniversary fun-stuff at the Grove this coming Sunday, August 2nd. All six shows from Vegas will have acts on hand to perform starting at 12:30pm and for free. Nice. “The event will be family friendly, featuring a circus play area set up for kids with face painting, jugglers and other activities. Prize giveaways, specially priced tickets for the shows in Vegas, and a chance to meet Cirque du Soleil castmembers will round out the festivities.” Also nice. Seriously, if you’re out that way, go. It’ll be a hoot. Source.
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    By | 2017-09-24T23:00:36+00:00 July 28th, 2009|Stuff You Need to Know|2 Comments

    Someone Needs to Read Warren Ellis’ “Red”

    Warren Ellis' Red

    Summit Entertainment has snagged the rights to Red, the three-issue limited series from Uncle Warren and Cully Hamner. According to Hollywood Reporter it…

    …told the story of a former black-ops CIA agent now living a quiet life in retirement until the day a high-tech assassin shows up intent on killing him. With his secret identity compromised and his love interest in danger, the man must reassemble his old team to figure out who is out to get them. (snip) The Hoebers’ take involves the idea of an older operative set in his ways having to contend with younger and more fit agents as well as modern techniques and technology.

    We could say that HR perhaps has gotten the plot wrong. But I’m guessing instead that it’s indeed all the idea of the aforementioned Hoebers, Erich and Jon, who are scribing this thing. We could say, having read the comic, that we could have sworn it was about the aforementioned agent, true, but with no love interest and no “old team.” It was a beautiful story of one unstoppable killing machine that somebody stupidly turns back on.

    Anyway, I’m thinking they really wanted to make The Losers but got Red instead, and decided to Lawnmower Man the two ideas. Next up, Scars will turned into a heart-warming buddy cop procedural comedy starring Seth Rogen and Steve Carell. In the end, though, as long as Uncle Warren and Hamner get checks out of the deal, then rock on.
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    By | 2017-09-24T23:17:38+00:00 June 12th, 2008|Headsup|0 Comments