Stuff You Need to Know: That? That’s the Sound of Princess Lolly Weeping.

Candy Land

But surely the film should be called Veggie Land! Think of the children!

It’s a constant battle trying to keep up with pop culture news. We know. And if you’re trying to maintain the semblance of a life, we can see where that could get complicated. So never fear: we try to compact all the stuff you absolutely need to know into one post that you can read in one sitting–and then get on with your day. You’re welcome.

  • Candy Land the movie. Adam Sandler is at least on board to produce and co-scribe. Let me quote you what Hasbro prexy-CEO Brian Goldner had to say: “The creative talent onboard for this movie is amazing, and we are excited to bring alive the world of Candy Land for kids and families everywhere. Sony/Columbia has been a wonderful creative partner as we develop another of our games, Risk, for the bigscreen. We are looking forward to working with Sony/Columbia and Adam Sandler and his team at Happy Madison Prods. on this film.” That’s right, Brian. Be proud to bring the man behind Jack & Jill behind one of your supposed flagship titles. Source: Variety.
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    By | 2017-09-24T22:33:22+00:00 February 1st, 2012|Stuff You Need to Know|2 Comments

    Your Weekend Justice #94: Rox Saves Christmas!

    It’s Weekend Justice: the podcast that will set fire to your yule log while you are still holding it. This podcast was engineered–some might say over-engineered–by experts to escort you from the work week in the most chaotic manner possible. Please note: this podcast is profane, definitely oversexed and definitely overwrought. It is wrong and unsafe. You have been warned.

    [audio:http://www.podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/www.needcoffee.com/podcasts/wjustice121710.mp3]

    Watchmen Backwards

    Agenda:

    • StripperCast!
    • Narnia porn!
    • Crotchcam!
    • Warning! Camera angles!
    • Scott’s bar revelation
    • Meat nativity
    • Rox’s recipe
    • Cosette’s theory about drugs
    • Leigh’s Ladder
    • Aaron does security
    • Static!
    • Fruitcake!
    • Walking Dead and Game of Thrones
    • (more…)

    By | 2017-09-24T22:45:25+00:00 December 18th, 2010|Podcasts, Weekend Justice|0 Comments

    Weekend Justice #32: Hey, Nice Shoelaces

    Needcoffee podcasting

    And we’re back. With even more wrongness than before. And it’s full of cholesterol too. As always, we’d like to apologize to pretty much everybody who listens and, in this case, everyone who took part. Aaron was not injured during the making of this podcast. For the record, he was killed after we stopped recording.

    Please note: this podcast, if you haven’t figured it out, is profane and not safe for consumption by children or animals. Or mammals of any sort.

    And by the way, SPOILERS for Torchwood.

    Agenda:

    • Widgett from Earth-Prime arrives
    • Ken Plume and his Squadron Sinister arrive
    • The inevitable Harry Potter discussion
    • Shoelaces are the ultimate euphemism
    • Collecting = uncomfortable euphemism
    • Crisis on Infinite Hogwarts
    • The less than inevitable Watchmen discussion
    • Are Rox and Rob the same person?
    • Friday the 13th/Harry Potter mashup. Ready? Go.
    • Arcade and other odd musings on comics
    • The fury of Queen Bitch
    • Our new sponsor: a used zeppelin emporium
    • The more than inevitable Torchwood discussion–SPOILERS
    • (more…)

    By | 2017-09-24T23:01:01+00:00 July 24th, 2009|Podcasts, Weekend Justice|1 Comment

    Watchmen (2009) – 27 Second Review

    Watchmen movie poster art

    Written by: David Hayter and Alex Tse, based on the graphic novel by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
    Directed by: Zack Snyder
    Starring: Jackie Earle Haley, Billy Crudup, Malin Ackerman, Matthew Goode, Patrick Wilson, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Carla Gugino, Robert Wisden

    Review: His views on sexy costumes notwithstanding, Rorschach is my idol. So long as they did him right, I’d be willing to forgive a lot from this movie. And they did. They nailed the character I had come to love and admire so well, that I didn’t even realize that the rest of the movie was excellent as well. So there was nothing to forgive. Hey kids! Put on a mask and run around the rooftops to violently punish criminals! With fire! It’s fun, and easy to be your own vigilante! With fire!

    Time: 23 seconds

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:04:39+00:00 March 22nd, 2009|27 Seconds, Reviews|1 Comment

    Watchmen (2009) – Movie Review

    Watchmen movie poster

    Written by: David Hayter and Alex Tse, based on the comic book by Dave Gibbons & Alan Moore
    Directed by: Zack Snyder
    Starring: Patrick Wilson, Malin Akerman, Jackie Earle Haley, Billy Crudup, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Matthew Goode

    My Advice: See it.

    Welcome to 1985 in a world with superheroes. It’s a world that looks a bit like ours except the hero Ozymandias (Goode) has turned his mighty brain towards business and thus Veidt Enterprises is everywhere. Richard Nixon (Robert Wisden in some admittedly terrible makeup) is still the president. Vietnam was a victory for the U.S. thanks to the intervention of Doctor Manhattan (Crudup) the reality-bending full-on superman. And the Cold War with the Soviets could turn hot at any moment. Into the midst of all of this chaos, retired hero and badass, The Comedian (Morgan), winds up rather dead. This draws the attention of Rorschach (Haley) , the one vigilante still…um, vigilanting after “masks” were outlawed. Rorschach is convinced that there’s a conspiracy at work. And the best thing for everybody would be if he was just being paranoid. But if he’s right…

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:05:10+00:00 March 8th, 2009|Reviews|8 Comments

    So, February… What Have We Learned?

    Mr. Peabody and Sherman

    We look back on the smoldering remains of the month that was and provide you with a quick highlight reel for those joining this website already in progress or those who just might have wandered away and just shown back up with the inevitable question: “What’d I miss?” Anyway, here’s our top ten non-contest posts, submitted for your ease of reference and also your dancing and dining pleasure.

    1. The review of Taken
    2. A reflection on Bad Movie Club
    3. The review of The Wrestler
    4. Rob’s review of Push
    5. My review of Coraline
    6. Our updated Watchmen DreamCast.
    7. Our Law & Order: London guest star DreamCast.
    8. Our Valentine’s Day Waffle House post.
    9. Scott’s review of Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab for Valentine’s Day.
    10. Our campaign to help my sister’s dog.

    And that’s the way it was, February 2009. A month like any other month, except you were there. Thanks for a good month, everybody.

    By | 2017-09-24T23:05:11+00:00 March 7th, 2009|Stimuli|0 Comments

    Your Weekend Justice #22: The Pudding That Came to Spazhouse

    Shemp Howard

    And we’re back. We don’t remember where we were, though. So don’t ask us, please.

    Agenda:

    • Catfights at Spazhouse
    • Vagina accessories
    • What Can We Learn About Jon This Episode?
    • More about Jon’s eating habits–but we’re learning nothing new about it
    • Red Nose Net
    • Caffeine-o-Vision!
    • Guinness Book of Lame Records
    • Who will fall out first?
    • Widge and naps
    • Brian Blessed audiobooks
    • Rob on Watchmen
    • WTF happened to Widge?
    • Widge’s Watchmen screenplay review
    • (more…)

    By | 2017-09-24T23:05:13+00:00 March 6th, 2009|Podcasts, Weekend Justice|0 Comments

    Win The Mindscape of Alan Moore on DVD!

    Mindscape of Alan Moore DVD cover art

    Because if you won the literal Mindscape of Alan Moore not on DVD, your soul would wind up shredded and your mind would collapse into tiny grey bits. This docu/tour from Disinformation is 78 minutes long…but comes with 202 minutes of bonus stuff. And I wonder why they’re promoting this DVD around now? Hrm. Anyway, we’ve got four full-on copies of this to give away. Want to win one? It’s simple. Enter using the form below–and you can enter once a day (you can enter every contest we have on the site once a day–you don’t have to pick and choose)–if we draw your name, you can win. Good luck.

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:05:37+00:00 March 1st, 2009|Contests|1 Comment

    Nite Owl Dark Roast – Review

    Watchmen: Nite Owl Coffee

    So amidst all the hoohah about Watchmen-branded items flooding the world as the film prepares to open this coming weekend, we had a couple of things fall into our jurisdiction. I haven’t seen them produce the obvious, easy and obligatory Doc Manhattan Energy Drink (flavored blue raspberry of course) or Black Freighter Energy Brew or Veidt Cola (and I’m a little surprised they haven’t)…and ScottC hasn’t reported back with his Dr. Manhattan condom review yet, but we do have Nite Owl Dark Roast coffee.

    The whole Watchmen aspect of this is pretty much a wash. I mean, honestly, it’s coffee. It’s not like grinding, brewing and drinking this gave me any flashbacks to the graphic novel or anything like that. Which means it’s novelty coffee. So the can–with the picture of Nite Owl on it, the Veidt Enterprises logo and such–is just something that, once the coffee’s gone, you’ll store pens in.

    As for the coffee, it is organic. And that’s good, because I’ve been a little organic-conscious since I bit into an apple one time and tasted yummy chemicals! So that’s been on my mind. This stuff is provided by the Organic Coffee Cartel, in fact, and it isn’t bad. You would think with the amount of coffee that I drink I would be an expert on the taste of coffee. Sadly, that’s not the case, and that’s why you don’t get a lot of coffee reviews on the site. Coffee is a caffeine delivery mechanism and little else, and as such, it falls into three categories for me. One, the really good tasting stuff–usually the very expensive stuff. Two, the really awfully bad tasting stuff. And three, the vast range of coffee that falls squarely between those two. And this Nite Owl coffee falls squarely in the middle of that middle bucket. Which makes for a short review. Is it decent? Yes. Does it change the face of coffee as you know it? No. Will the can hold pens? Sure.

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:05:38+00:00 February 28th, 2009|Drink Reviews|3 Comments