Sucker Punch – 27 Second Review

Sucker Punch poster

Written by: Zack Snyder & Steve Shibuya
Directed by: Zack Snyder
Starring: Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Vanessa Hudgens, Jamie Chung, Carla Gugino, Oscar Isaac, Scott Glenn & Jon Hamm

Review: Steampunk Zombie Nazis. That’s really all they needed to hook me…but add in dragons, giant samurai, robot assassins, nukes, an orc-a-pult, and hot girls in leather with machine guns and katanas destroying it all, and it’s almost superfluous. I’m not saying I didn’t appreciate the extras, because I certainly did. The eye candy alone makes the movie worth it. Add in Scott Glenn as a wise old sage, and you’ve got a winner. Also, Steampunk Zombie Nazis!

Time: 22 seconds

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By | 2017-09-24T22:42:26+00:00 March 31st, 2011|27 Seconds, Reviews|0 Comments

Watchmen (2009) – 27 Second Review

Watchmen movie poster art

Written by: David Hayter and Alex Tse, based on the graphic novel by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
Directed by: Zack Snyder
Starring: Jackie Earle Haley, Billy Crudup, Malin Ackerman, Matthew Goode, Patrick Wilson, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Carla Gugino, Robert Wisden

Review: His views on sexy costumes notwithstanding, Rorschach is my idol. So long as they did him right, I’d be willing to forgive a lot from this movie. And they did. They nailed the character I had come to love and admire so well, that I didn’t even realize that the rest of the movie was excellent as well. So there was nothing to forgive. Hey kids! Put on a mask and run around the rooftops to violently punish criminals! With fire! It’s fun, and easy to be your own vigilante! With fire!

Time: 23 seconds

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By | 2017-09-24T23:04:39+00:00 March 22nd, 2009|27 Seconds, Reviews|1 Comment

Watchmen (2009) – Movie Review

Watchmen movie poster

Written by: David Hayter and Alex Tse, based on the comic book by Dave Gibbons & Alan Moore
Directed by: Zack Snyder
Starring: Patrick Wilson, Malin Akerman, Jackie Earle Haley, Billy Crudup, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Matthew Goode

My Advice: See it.

Welcome to 1985 in a world with superheroes. It’s a world that looks a bit like ours except the hero Ozymandias (Goode) has turned his mighty brain towards business and thus Veidt Enterprises is everywhere. Richard Nixon (Robert Wisden in some admittedly terrible makeup) is still the president. Vietnam was a victory for the U.S. thanks to the intervention of Doctor Manhattan (Crudup) the reality-bending full-on superman. And the Cold War with the Soviets could turn hot at any moment. Into the midst of all of this chaos, retired hero and badass, The Comedian (Morgan), winds up rather dead. This draws the attention of Rorschach (Haley) , the one vigilante still…um, vigilanting after “masks” were outlawed. Rorschach is convinced that there’s a conspiracy at work. And the best thing for everybody would be if he was just being paranoid. But if he’s right…

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By | 2017-09-24T23:05:10+00:00 March 8th, 2009|Reviews|8 Comments

Stuff You Need to Know, Monday, September 29, 2008

Thor by Walt Simonson

Pop culture news in little espresso shot-sized chunks. Because you have better things to do with your time than read 500 word posts on each of these.

  • Congratulations, Marvel. You have managed to get my attention by getting Kenneth Branagh in talks to helm Thor, which is slated to hit cinemas in 2010. Trouble is the script is by Mark Protosevich, who is infamous in my mind for having written I Am Legend…for Schwarzenegger. Yes, it was terrible. Donald Blake will be the version of Thor in the film. Now bring in Walt Simonson to do design work and you’ll have me actually looking forward to this. Source: Variety.
  • The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, those mad geniuses who do Lovecraft better than anyone, have The Shadow Out of Time coming out from their Dark Adventure Radio Theatre on October 1st. You can get it on MP3 or CD, and the CD has bonus bits. They also announced The Shadow Over Innsmouth. Find their goodness here. Found via SFFAudio.
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    By | 2017-09-24T23:12:15+00:00 September 29th, 2008|Stuff You Need to Know|0 Comments

    Dear Frank: About That “300” Sequel…

    Frank Miller

    We know that you’re a busy guy these days. You know, working on the Sin City movies we presume, and The Spirit, and every ten months or so writing a really terrible issue of The Goddamn Batman. And now you want to do a sequel to 300. Well, as has been pointed out on more than one occasion, this is tricky, since, you know, you killed practically every major character and a few thousand minor ones.

    Many others have tried to puzzle this out and failed. Gladiator 2 was looked at, as the Variety article mentions, and if I remember correctly they were going to try and do something with the Djimon Hounsou character. I, Too, Am Legend is also mentioned as something they’re like to have but I think the world just rather we actually get an adaptation of the book this time rather than, you know, a turd. Even a sequel to Titanic was discussed with Kathy Bates on another ocean liner–originally popped up on Corona as the one real page in a sea of April Fools jokes.

    So look, Frank, we know it’s hard. Therefore we’ve decided to put our Hollywood caps on–the ones that harmlessly disconnect a good 76% of our neurons–and help you out. We humbly present these ideas that we hurriedly scratched down onto a napkin.

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:16:40+00:00 June 30th, 2008|Headsup|11 Comments

    27 Second Review: 300

    300 Prepare for Glory

    Written by: Zack Snyder, Kurt Johnstad & Michael B. Gordon, based on the graphic novel by Frank Miller
    Directed by: Zack Snyder
    Starring: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West, David Wenham, Rodrigo Santoro

    Review: Total.

    Fucking.

    Wargasm.

    Time: 4 seconds.
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    By | 2017-09-24T23:34:12+00:00 March 30th, 2007|27 Seconds, Reviews|0 Comments

    300 (2007) – Movie Review

    300 movie poster

    Written by Michael B. Gordon, Kurt Johnstad & Zack Snyder
    Directed by Zack Snyder
    Starring Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West, David Wenham, Vincent Regan

    My Advice: Matinee.

    King Leonidas (Butler) is the ruler of Sparta. Sparta, and the rest of Greece, happens to be in the path of Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) and his massive Persian army. Xerxes sends a messenger with a simple request: submit or we’ll kick your ass. Seems reasonable enough–except for the fact he’s pulling this shit in Sparta, where the people are…a little headstrong, shall we say. The messenger gets booted into a hole in the ground and Sparta needs to prepare for war. However, it’s going to be a bit unbalanced, as the end result is three hundred of Sparta’s finest facing down an army so large even Cecil B. DeMille would say, “Well, fuck me.”

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:35:00+00:00 March 12th, 2007|Movies, Reviews|2 Comments