Hello. And thank you for coming to our landing page. Where we've cleared away all the dead bishop pages.

You might be wondering why we've asked you all here, and the reason is very simple. We are attention whores who are sick in the head. We are pop culture junkies. We have been doing this since 1998 and everyone else had stopped by and we looked down our list of guests and said, "That's odd. Roger* hasn't stopped by yet. We need to get Roger* in here." So here you are.

There's no need to get upset or feel slighted...you've already arrived and given us a page view, which has made us stronger and further down the road to world domination. So you might as well subscribe to the news feed and buy a t-shirt. Partly because we know you like to be different like everyone else, and partly because soon we will be famous and you can, by right of getting on board ahead of the curve, make fun of us and talk about how "those Needcoffee guys are shit now, but oooh, you should have seen them in their prime."

Trust us, we track these things and those who came on too late for that crap will be punished. And we will be famous because we're too out of our minds to know when to quit. So. It's inevitable.

Anyway...here's some high points to give you an idea of what we're on about:

First, we get a lot of free stuff because we review and feature a lot of stuff on the site. But we give away a lot of free stuff because we're just the caring, sharing kind. If you want to enter a ton of contests (and keep entering, because you can enter once a day), then find all our contests here. Generally, if you're over 18 and live in the U.S. or Canada, you can enter pretty much everything we've got. We will have contests open to other nations as we can manage it--but postage is damn expensive. So. We do what we can.

Here's some perennially popular posts:

So anyway, if we think of more to put on here we will. Thanks for stopping by and we hope you'll hang around for a bit. If you just want to burst through the front door like you own the place, here's our home page.

*--This should show your first name using the Wonko Name Predictor plugin, used to give you a more personal experience. If this plugin is not enabled on your machine, the name of the person who used the computer before you will be shown instead.