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Needcoffee Picks the Razzies

Razzie Award

Yes, it’s that time of year again where Hollywood gets a well deserved slap in the mouth. The nominations for the 2007 Golden Raspberries have been announced and the selections truly demonstrate what spectacles of shit can be produced with millions and millions of dollars. Widge and I decided to take a look at the list and see who will receive the Razzie this year. But remember, all the nominees are losers, big fat losers.

Worst Movie:

  • Bratz
  • Daddy Day Camp
  • I Know Who Killed Me
  • I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
  • Norbit

Widge: Toss-up. Bratz is sheer crap whereas I Know Who Killed Me stars the much loathed-Lohan.
Scott: I’m going with Norbit. It got more public notice than it deserved because of Murphy’s role in Dreamgirls and will be in more voters’ minds.

Worst Actor:

  • Nicolas Cage in Ghost Rider, National Treasure: Book Of Secrets and Next
  • Jim Carrey in The Number 23
  • Cuba Gooding, Jr. in Daddy Day Camp and Norbit
  • Eddie Murphy (as Norbit) in Norbit
  • Adam Sandler in I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

Widge: Hard to say. They’re all pretty bad. But I’d go with Cage because he’s got the trifecta. Haters of all three movies will go after him.
Scott: Yeah, I concur. There’s a lot of Cage rage out there.

Worst Actress:

Lindsey Lohan
  • Jessica Alba in Awake, Fantastic Four: Rise of The Silver Surfer and Good Luck Chuck
  • Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos & Skyler Shaye in Bratz
  • Elisha Cuthbert in Captivity
  • Diane Keaton in Because I Said So
  • Lindsay Lohan (as Aubrey) in I Know Who Killed Me
  • Lindsay Lohan (as Dakota) in I Know Who Killed Me

Widge: Damn, this is hard. But I’ll say that Lohan is going to split the vote against herself, Alba will get passed up because she’s hot, and the Bratz girls will walk away with it. In fact, if Bratz wins here, you can expect I Know Who Killed Me to take Worst Movie.
Scott: The Bratz Girlz are a good bet but Alba a strong possibility too. Any good buzz she got from Sin City has been pretty much flushed down the toilet.

Worst Couple:

  • Jessica Alba & EITHER Hayden Christensen (Awake) OR Dane Cook (Good Luck Chuck) OR Ioan Gruffudd (Fantastic Four: Rise of The Silver Surfer)
  • Any Combination of Two Totally Air-Headed Characters in Bratz
  • Lindsay Lohan & Lindsay Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me
  • Eddie Murphy (as Norbit) & EITHER Eddie Murphy (as Mr. Wong) OR Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia) in Norbit
  • Adam Sandler & EITHER Kevin James OR Jessica Biel in
    I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

Widge:LOHAN & LOHAN. Sort of like SIMON & SIMON, but not.
Scott: Agreed. I’m guessing the drugs destroyed her memory of The Parent Trap.

Worst Remake/Ripoff:

  • Are We Done Yet?
  • Bratz
  • Epic Movie
  • I Know Who Killed Me
  • Who’s Your Caddy

Widge: Hard to say. Anyone who was foolish enough to actually pay to see these in cinemas is instantly suspect. But. I’m backing I Know Who Killed Me because a bunch of people wanted Lohan skin and didn’t get enough, the pervy bastards.
Scott: I guessing there are plenty of voters who are too cheap or too lazy to rent real porn.

Daddy Day Camp poster

Worst Prequel/Sequel:

Widge:Wow. Another rough one. I’m going to go with Daddy Day Camp. Because at least AVP2 and Hannibal Rising were expected.
Scott: I don’t know. Don’t underestimate the hate from Hannibal Rising pissing all over the sociopathic majesty of Dr. Lecter

Worst Director:

  • Dennis Dugan – I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
  • Roland Joffe – Captivity
  • Brian Robbins – Norbit
  • Fred Savage – Daddy Day Camp
  • Chris Siverston – I Know Who Killed Me

Widge: Roland Joffe. Because when you can go from The Killing Fields and The Mission to Super Mario, Scarlet Letter and then torture porn…well, you just need to be stopped.
Scott: I’m going with name recognition and Fred Savage. They’re be more than one voter going ‘The Wonder Years kid?’ and check the box.

Worst Screenplay:

  • Daddy Day Camp – Screenplay by Geoff Rodkey and David J. Stem & David N. Weiss
  • Epic Movie – Written by Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
  • I Know Who Killed Me Written by Jeffrey Hammond
  • I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry Screenplay by Barry Fanaro and Alexander Payne & Jim Taylor
  • Norbit Screenplay by Eddie Murphy & Charles Murphy and Jay Sherick & David Ronn

Widge: Wow. Another tough one. It’s hard to get pissed at Epic Movie because it’s not like anybody expected anything good. The people who actually saw Norbit and I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry probably got exactly what they were looking for. Of the two left, then, I’ll default to the Lohan semi-sweep and say I Know Who Killed Me.
Scott: I’m going with Epic Movie. Because it’s not an actual script but a collection of shitty jokes.

Captivity poster

Worst Horror Movie:

  • Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
  • Hannibal Rising
  • Hostel: Part II
  • I Know Who Killed Me

Widge: Personally, I’d go with Hostel: Part II. Because if watching pretty young girls get served up to sadists to be carved up, then you have issues. And yes, there’s a difference between a maniac chasing a girl through the woods to kill her (suspenseful!) and a girl being chained upside down and sliced to bits with a giant scythe (snuff film!). But I know a lot of people dig that shit. Besides, the torture porn vote might get split between that and Captivity. So I’ll go with I Know Who Killed Me.
Scott: I think the hostility over Hostel: Part II and the fatigue of the constant choice of I Know Who Killed Me will put Hostel: Part II over the top.