PLEASE NOTE: “As an Amazon Associate, [Need Coffee] earns from qualifying purchases." You know we make money from Amazon links,
and I know you know this, but they make us say it anyway. More info, click here.

The Young Evil Genius Wants A Pet

welcome to monster isle book cover

“Uncle Scott, I want a pet.”

I look down and I see that it is the junior science villain Joseph.

“But you already have two dogs and cats,” I said.

The young evil mastermind sighed and said “I want a real pet.” He then hands me a book.

I read the front cover. “Welcome to Monster Isle. Written by Oliver Chin, illustrated by Jeff Miracola.” I sigh and understand why Joseph has come to me with this. I’m the Uncle, therefore the soft touch. I guess I should be grateful that he didn’t find a Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual. I look at Joseph and he’s got an innocent look on his face. It’s one he’s going to use if he ever has to appear at The Hague.

I open the book.

I can see instantly that these animals are entirely inappropriate.

“First off, the Ogopogo won’t work because he’s a sea creature and you don’t have a pool and he won’t fit in the bathtub. The Abominable Snowman is right out since we live in Florida.”

“What about the Gryphon?”

“I’m sorry, but you nearly crashed into the Capitol building with your jetpack, so there is no way you’re getting a Gryphon or the Quetzalcoatl.”

The young evil genius points to a familair creature, “I like him, he makes a big roar.”

I shake my head, “Getting a Zillard out of Japan is too expensive with the weak dollar. And before you ask, your mother said you have enough plush animals, so I can’t get you the Yowie.”

“What about him?”

catoblepas monster red bull

“The Catoblepas? Joseph, your Uncle Widge would see that big red bull and try to drink him.”

He gives me a weird look.

“I know, it’s a thing with him. I know, what about I get you a Cthulhu? It’s got wings, tentacles, and its own cult accessories”

“What does he do?”

“Sleep a lot. But he wakes he eats the minds of men and drives them insane. But I’m sure your mighty intellect will be too much for him to chew. Sound good?”

There is nothing that warms the heart more than seeing a boy and his Elder God together.