Written by: Liz Maverick, Peter Sullivan, and Michael Worth
Directed by: Jason Hreno
Starring: Miriam McDonald, Shawna Waldron, Ryan Kennedy, Greg Evigan, and Catherine Hicks
Features:Released by: New Line Home Video
My Advice: Rent real porn
When you’re in college, there are plenty of organizations for you to participate in. Service organizations, professional organizations, fraternities, and sororities. Groups like this are very helpful to people like, for example, Daisy (McDonald). Daisy is a bright freshman poli-sci major who recently lost her parents and left her boyfriend down on the farm. She is doing well enough to be considered for a prestigious D.C. internship. She has attracted the interest of the dean’s handsome son Blake (Kennedy). She also has attracted the interest of the Ivies. A mysterious group of young women pledged to help their sisters succeed. Headed by the ambitious Azalea (Waldron), the group seems willing to help Daisy with anything she needs. But being a secret club, Daisy doesn’t know that Azalea is a ruthless, murdering, amoral bitch on wheels. And she considers Daisy an obstacle to be removed. So will Daisy survive discovering the truth about Azalea?
[ad#longpost]Oh where to begin? Let’s start with the criminally lazy writing. I can appreciate why a writer may not want to put too much effort into an entry of a tired franchise like Poison Ivy and just get the paycheck. But the sheer stupidity the characters exhibit to keep the sorry excuse of a plot going should offend anyone with a shred of pride in their work. After looking the writers up in IMDB, I can see that isn’t the case. Here’s an example of what I’m taking about: in a couple of instances, Daisy’s future at the university is threatened by money or paperwork problems. If she leaves, Azalea would remove a potential rival for the internship. But no, she keeps saying “Keep your enemies closer” and gets Daisy into the secret Ivy club AND clears those problems up so Azalea can play some sort of cat-and-mouse game. But it just allows Daisy to know who is responsible for all the crazy stuff going on. Azalea is portrayed as a crazy bitch but crazy doesn’t mean dumb. Another plot point is that Daisy is saving herself for her boyfriend back home, but she gives it up to Blake on the first date. This is done supposedly to cause some conflict later on, but we all know the real reason was to expose the actress’s breasts some more.
The only genre where this low level of script is acceptable is pornography. Now, most of you will say that any sort of script for porn isn’t necessary and I can understand the sentiment. But some people like a narrative storyline to help coordinate the sex scenes. It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare, but a breather between scenes can be good. However, a few tit shots is not enough to disguise the poor quality of the script for this movie. In this day and age, people can get close gynecological detail and various forms of penetrations at the click of a mouse. In fact, this movie could have benefited from some hardcore scenes. The Ivy initiation scene would have been perfect for a lesbian orgy. The seduction scene between Azalea and Blake could have more than just some simulated oral and grabbing of breasts. Honestly, who rents this stuff? Is stuff like this that big on the foreign market? It’s beyond me. You don’t even get special features to add to the value of the disc. Of course, what would you put on this: the director trying desperately trying to justify Poison Ivy: The Secret Society‘s existence? Just get real porn, you’ll enjoy yourself a lot more.