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A Delayed Christmas BPAL Post Because Krampus

Krampus from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab

So you may be wondering why the post about the Yule perfumes from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab is showing up after Christmas. Well, I was experimenting with some new search algorithms from Miskatonic University’s Computer Science Department to see if it would improve the hook up app, Grindr. I don’t know if it was the arcane interaction with the GPS or the time of the year, but somehow I summoned Krampus, the dark demonic beast and punisher of bratty children at Christmastime. There he was with his whip and switch in hand, looking me over, and answered the question I asked last year, “Yes, I am single.” He then asked his own question: “Your place or mine?”

So yeah, I hooked up with Krampus. I mean, it’s not every day you have lots and lots of sex with an anthropomorphic avatar. And well, Krampus is insatiable. First, we

[Widge’s Note: I’ve had to trim six paragraphs and three diagrams from the article at this point. You’re welcome.]

then lastly, we cleaned up all the whipped cream and exchanged phone numbers. So since I’ve had time to recover, here are the scents to brighten your holiday season.

[ad#longpost]As Christmas is a time for traditions both celebrated and endured, Black Phoenix also has its traditional scents. There is Chanukkiyah with its scents of oil, beeswax and amber with the fruits of the Holy Land and Midnight Mass with its sacred incenses. You have the more niche festival celebrations with El Dia De Los Reyes, the Mexican Celebration of the Magi with a heady brew of hot cocoa with cinnamon, coffee, and brown sugar. Then there’s Skadi, the Norse goddess of winter and the mountains with a bracing smell of pine, winter berries, and bright snow. You also have other traditions to remind us that winter can be dark and dangerous, such as Black Ice which has the icy sharpness of sleet but also the tang of burning rubber mix with asphalt. There is also Nuclear Winter, hopefully a scent of “nostalgia” where the dark notes of the scent are blasted with mint for that green glow from all the pretty fallout.

What would Christmas be without food? I love Egg Nog. I know some people don’t like it–but they are sad, wretched souls who should eat more cake. The perfume has that rich scent of thick cream, a spiciness from nutmeg, and of course, brandy and rum. There is also Butter Rum Cookies, the kind of cookies that you swear you’ll eat just one of and you wind up finishing off half the plate. Just the scent of rum, butter, sugar, almond and orange peel makes me want to raid a bakery shop. You also have a lovely array of Snowballs. There are the Pink Snowballs with a lovely light scent of vanilla and rose. Then there are Yellow Snowballs. Don’t worry, the scent is a nice mix of mint, lemon, vanilla, and yuzu, not what you were thinking. They do offer Blue Snowballs in the Black Phoenix Trading Post, but there were none with Krampus and me, if you know what I mean.

Yellow Snowballs 2013 from Black Phoenix
Yes, they went there. Zappa said it would be like this.

Speaking of Krampus, his perfume is very close to his actual scent. You get the red musk produced by such a demon, the black leather from his whip, and fresh cut wood from his switches. You know how they say that sense of smell can trigger memories. Well. Yeah. Anyway. If you want your Krampus to be sweeter, go for Krampuslaufen where Krampus runs around the town indulging in apple brandy, chocolates and mints. Changing the subject–but only slightly–BPAL believes that “Every holiday season should be full of lewd suggestions and filthy double entendres, right?” Hence that perennial favorite, the constant yet ever-changing Lick It perfume. BPAL has made some wonderful changes: you still have that wonderful peppermint but with a massive hit of sugar that almost gives you a buzz.

There are so many scents that I haven’t gotten to all of those at both the Lab and the Trading Post. From the fragrances based on H.P. Lovecraft’s Yule time story The Festival to the Gingerbread Cotillion, where popular scents are made anew with gingerbread. Just remember, like the snow, The Yule Collections will soon go away. So go to their newly redesigned website (nice job, by the way) and peruse and purchase to your heart’s content.