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Warm Bean Flavor!

You know, if there’s one thing people ask me more than anything else, it’s “Widge, where did you last see Judge Crater?” But if there’s a second thing people ask me more than anything else, it’s “Widge, why aren’t you excited by National Coffee Day?”

This is a very reasonable query. After all, it seems like the sort of thing that, at least if the apocalypse wasn’t happening, we’d be hosting a parade for it or some such thing. Well, first of all, National Coffee Day feels to me a lot like National Batman Day…I swear it seems like it happens every two to three weeks. Indeed, as testament to this, just two days from now, Friday is International Coffee Day. And second, around these parts, everyday is National Coffee Day, really. It’s the fourth most popular holiday behind the trio of Halloweens.

Regardless, we should do something to mark the occasion. And I think that something today is going to be sharing some absolutely terrifying vintage television commercials.

It’s not even the Dalek-esque giant coffee container that I find most disturbing in this. This couple has the oddest kissing technique I’ve ever seen. Could you not kiss on television back in the early 1960s? Were they actors just uncomfortable with kissing one another? Were they both incredibly nearsighted? It is weird as hell.

Anyway, next over to another instant coffee commercial, where I swear they’re A) making everything up as they go along and 2) only making this commercial because they’re being held hostage.

Fairly certain we’ve posted these before, but they certainly fit the bill. What happens when you give a proto-Muppet the godlike abilities of Bill Mumy from the classic Twilight Zone?