Why Barry Ween?  Mostly because it's the funniest damn comic book most of us have ever read. Not only did it absolutely blow us away when it first showed up, with Barry and his buddy Jeremy, in the words of The Judd himself, "cursing and blowing shit up," but it hasn't quit. The introduction of Sara as Barry's somewhat love interest and the introduction most recently of Roxie, the former Sasquatch turned ass-kicker both show that Judd isn't content to keep doing the same old crap. But it's not just that--there are actual moments of tenderness between characters. Granted, these moments are normally followed by more cursing and blowing shit up, but still--the book has a heart. And did we mention it's milk-out-your-nose funny? If you don't believe us and haven't read the books, at least look at Judd's sample online at here. Anyway, we would do this as an animated feature.

What's the scoop?   Barry is ten years old. He also has an IQ of 350. He can do almost, literally, anything. He's knocked the earth out of its orbit around the sun, he's changed his best friend into a dinosaur, and he once gave hippos the reproductive prowess of bunnies. He's what would happen if the X-Men's Forge, Stephen Hawking, and Bill Hicks somehow had some kind of weird gestalt of a child together. No lie. With his best friend Jeremy, he manages to get into and out of all manner of trouble. Read the books, people.

Animated by...we have not one iota of a clue. Nothing in this entire DreamCasting process gave us more trouble than trying to come up with what animation whackos should have the job. The most obvious one wouldn't do it--and we wouldn't ask him: Genndy Tartakovsky. Sure, the classic Dexter's Lab sounds a lot like Barry on the surface, but it's really not--it's completely stylistically different (without even counting the cursing). Spumco animation has just worn on us, and...as amusing as it would be to see a Barry series designed by Bruce Timm, we just can't make that leap. And we can't imagine the size of Barry's chin. It's at Platinum Studios right now in real life, we'll just have to give them the benefit of the doubt. But if you know of somebody who should DreamAnimate it, e-mail us.

Jason Schwartzman as Barry Ween: This took some thinking. Well, all of the roles in this one took some thinking, because we had to come up with the perfect voices to give life to these whacked out characters. We were bouncing names all over the place until one stuck-- Schwartzman, from Rushmore. The reason he stuck with me is because there was this one line in the third series that I could hear him nailing: "Show of hands--who built a wallet sized hydrogen bomb yesterday and buoyed eastern Europe's economy by covertly disrupting a secret trade embargo? RIGHT! Just ME!" It would rock. You know it would.

John Leguizamo as Jeremy Ramirez: We've been dying to put Leguizamo someplace since finding out that he was doing vocal work on Titan A.E....during the closing credits. Leguizamo has that tendency, you know: "THAT was John Leguizamo?" I mean, once a skinny guy from Colombia becomes a short, rotund and demonic clown--you know the guy can do anything. Going back to the latest series, the overactive Little Jeremy would be a hoot to hear done by him. So he's in.

Janeane Garofalo as Sara Tan:  Also a Titan A.E. vet (or survivor, depending on your point-of-view), I was throwing up my hands about Sara. Not a sausage. Then Doc came in and, as always, laid down some knowledge. Garofalo has loads of dry wit and she won't put up with Barry's bullshit. Which is always amusing, since Barry can handle intergalactic invasions and possible lethal experiences better than he can a girl--which is true of all of us men, isn't it? Those of you men disagreeing with me should consult your significant others right about now. Regardless, we think Garofalo would do an excellent job of putting Barry in his place--but gently.

John Goodman and Sally Field as Barry's Parents: Again, the diversity of whackos here at Needcoffee.com works to our advantage. I was originally trying to think of who would be the funniest, sickest, most ironic voices to have as Barry's parents. My thoughts were Casey Kasem and Florence Henderson. No, I'm not joking. But Bailey stepped up and said that he thought John Goodman would make a great dad. And you know that Goodman is a big Needcoffee fave, so he was in. And since we weren't going for that ironic weird angle anymore, we figured we needed another Mom type--and it struck me that we'd never cast Field before. And hey, she's done a Brothers Farrelly flick, so obviously she'll accept some whacked out parts--we hereby dub her Barry's mom.

Molly Shannon as Rene: Definition of a thankless role. She gets constantly drugged, rendered unconscious, and in a flashback sequence gets turned into a giant pissed off simian with dreads. I was clueless as to who we should cast in this pivotal part, but the Doc came through again. We never did think too much of SNL recently, but we must admit that we did like her part in The Grinch. So she's in.

Alan Rickman as The Terrorist Leader: I really think this one needs no explanation.

Mark Hamill as The Alien: This, of course, is the friendly pink alien who Jeremy wants to adopt and thus imperils everybody. Well, he's ten, he just does that kind of thing. Anyway, I initially thought of Hamill because (a) he does killer voice work and (2) it would be a nice change of pace. Of course, the obvious first choice would be Shatner, but we struck that for two reasons: (1) because putting Shatner in an ironic role has become quite cliched recently and (b) we could not handle Bill Shatner talking about his alien genitalia and singing "Brick House." No. Can. Do.

Clancy Brown as Agent Haas: Brown is perfect for this because he also delivers killer voice work and he has experience playing a corrupt bald guy. Hugo Weaving was also mentioned, but I just couldn't get Brown's voice out of my head. So he's the guy screwing with the wrong ten-year-old.

Jada Pinkett Smith as Roxie: Even before we went into DreamCasting mode on this story, the moment Roxie showed up, I just heard Jada's voice coming out of her mouth. Jada's done voice work before on Needcoffee fave Princess Mononoke, and as Barry Ween's answer to Neuromancer's Molly or Strange Days' Mace. She is, in the words of the immortal Sgt. Apone, an absolute badass, and we can't wait to see more of her. So Jada's the one for Roxie.

Disagree?  Did we miss something?  Well, email us for Ah-Pook's sake and tell us all about it!  And while you're here--Would you like some coffee?